Looking for hope

[Coragirl25]

Hello, my husband was diagnosed with stage 3b melanoma in July of 2015. We learned yesterday that he is now stage 4. He has a small tumour in his lung. I am devastated by this news and fear that this is the beginning of the end. We have been married for almost 23 years and he is my everything. We have four children who love and need him. I suffer from an anxiety disorder and this is so hard. I didn't sleep at all last night and I am unable to eat or drink. I know I need to be strong for my family. My husband needs me. Can anyone tell me what treatment is like? Can anyone tell me something positive.

[strawberryjam]

Dear Coragirl

I know exactly how you feel after this devastating news . There is HOPE . Many people are doing so well on the new immunotherapy drugs and BRAF inhibitors . There are options for treatment so , as hard as it can be to stay positive at a time like this , remember that there are treatments that can work . Do whatever you can to take care of yourself so that you can be there for him . Wrap yourself in the love of your husband and children . God bless.

[Coragirl25 in reply to strawberryjam]

Thank you, I am grateful to all of the people here.

[Bigsister3]

Dear Coragirl25,

I agree with strawberryjam. There is hope with the new immunotherapy drugs and treatment options, there is always hope. In caring for my sister, our thoughts were always to the next scan or doctor's appointment but we started taking trips with family and friends to remember to try and enjoy each day and to not be defined by diagnosis and care.

As a caregiver, you have the tough job of being strong for everyone, caring for everyone and trying to bring love and hope to all of your family. Please remember to take care of yourself, ask for help when you need it and talk to people who will support and care for you.

I can't lie to you, the journey may not be easy but at some point you have to try and let go of the anxiety, cherish each day and we are all here with prayers and thoughts.

[Crycleo]

I used to do the same thing. Worry, worry, worry...

When I couldn't sleep at night I would tell myself that I am not going to solve this problem tonight by worrying over it. Then make a conscious effort to stop so you can fall asleep. And this is also a sobering truth. No matter how much you worry, it's not going to change the outcome one way or another. So worry does no good for anyone at all. Whenever you start, to worry, talk yourself out of it with the above reminders. Best of luck to you. It's too early to worry! There is lots of hope in today's treatments.

[Sunny44]

So sorry you and your husband are experiencing this. My mom was diagnosed at stage 3 and then had an additional tumor so is now looking at further treatment options. Have you googled any of the stories describing Jimmy Carter's melanoma treatment?i find those informative and encouraging. There is lots of good news with the new therapies. There is hope. The worry and anxiety are very real though. One thing that has helped my mom and dad (and me and my husband with a different worry issue) is listening to a meditation app as we go to sleep. It was recommended by a counselor. I don't know if we are allowed to share the name on the forum (I'll give it a try: it's the Calm app) but it has sleep stories that do lull us to sleep and my mom and dad say it has helped a bunch. I hope you can find ways to manage the anxiety and wish you and your husband and children all the best.

[strawberryjam in reply to Sunny44]

I have used mindfulness often during this journey. I use Headspace which has a specific program for cancer worries, useful for patients and caregivers. I highly recommend mindfulness as a support.

[Sunny44]

Thanks for the tip on the Headspace app aimed at cancer worries. I agree - mindfulness is beneficial in many ways.

[Ericamart]

Hi Coragirl,

My husband and I have also been married almost 23 years(this June). He also progressed to stage four with liver Mets this past March after 3 months of Keytruda. He recently began targeted therapy but had to stop due to severe side effects, waiting thing to see what is next at this weeks Dr. appt. We are remaining positive and just keep looking up. We just need to find what works for him. Lots of supportive people on these forums with knowledge and encouragement. Best wishes to you both and keep looking up.

[Coragirl25 in reply to Ericamart]

Hello, I am so sorry. I will send positive thoughts your way and take your advice to keep looking up. You sound so much stronger than me.