Hullo,
I'm new to this site and would really appreciate feedback. I was diagnosed with MDD in 2009 and had only a few small inklings of darkness and despair in my life prior to that. Basically I had a good childhood and no major traumatic experiences as an adult. I've almost always felt lucky and blessed and able to see the positive in my circumstances. Now I'm 60 and have remained on a maintenance dose of Venlafaxine for over a decade and had only a few slips back into depression when trying to wean myself off the drugs (not a good idea!) But this summer I fell off a ladder while painting the outside of the house and ruptured a brain aneurysm. I didn't die because my husband was home, called 911, performed CPR and I was helicoptered to the hospital, where I was quickly operated on to drain the blood and repair the rupture. I should be grateful I didn't die, but I often think it would have been better if I did. It's because the trauma to my brain or the chemical changes to it have caused my depression to rear it's ugly head again. Now again, I struggle to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. I feel lethargic, get fatigued quickly, can do nothing much around the house because it all feels so overwhelming. And my emotional range is flat to sad to hopeless and despairing. All the tools that I learned to combat depression aren't working now. Exercise, time outdoors, sunshine, therapy, yoga, meditation, being social, drugs, eating well, sleeping adequately, hydrating - for the past seven months I've thrown all I know at this current bout of depression and nothing is working. I understand that depression triggered by a traumatic brain injury could be a whole different animal than my previous experience, but I am exhausted, depleted and despondent and don't know how to continue on like this. I'm told the brain is an amazing organ and healing will happen, but could take 1-2 yrs or more and it requires it's own separate set of exercises and practices to fuel new neural pathways. Problem is, the depression squelches any motivation or energy to do what is needed to heal either the brain or the depression. Anyone have any insight, guidance or advice that would help me get through this awful period. I don't think about killing my self, but I do often think if I hadn't made it to the hospital or through surgery, I wouldn't be struggling as I am now every day just to get through each day, and sometimes each hour.
