Isolation

[CUmbrialass]

How I am looking forward to some brighter days. Does anyone else feel guilty about wanting some space on their own? Since OH had an overnight stay in hospital end of October things have changed. After being quite happy being on his own some days he gets unhappy and dizzy if I suggest going out on my own. I am finding this quite difficult and now understand what the term isolation means. Am slowly trying to go out for short times on my own to get him used to it.

[Rienij70]

I know how you feel, but you also need your space. If he is safe on his own, just tell him how long you are going to be. Ask him if he needs anything etc. Look after yourself, and ask your GP for help if you need it. Big hugs Rienij

[CUmbrialass in reply to Rienij70]

Am looking at getting someone to call in for a couple of hours so that he can get used to it. Get fed up when weather conspires to spoil my plan for a walk at my speed.

[lell1]

Hi cumbrialass! U r not alone!! The root question is, why/how did things change? Did you spend more time with him whilst he was recouperating? Will hazard to guess that u may have a sneaky feeling that the dizziness is his way of continuing the increased dependency? If he is able to do things safely whilst u r there, could he not whilst ur not there? Have u looked at local befriending groups/community voluntary services? They may be able to provide respite while you get away for a while? I'm not sure about limiting your trips out by qualifying how long you will be? Maybe tell him what you plan to do, but not necessarily how long it will take? Whatever you do, you will feel guilty/worried, it's what carers do, speshly us girls! If ur OH could be lucid for just 10 mins, would he not tell you to take care of urself too? We all need time out, it's bloody hard on us too. Life turned upside down, inside out, bounced along like brush weed in the wind and expected, for some reason unknown, to know what we are doing, and that what we do is right!! If u need to be a air head, a rambler, a cyclist, skater or couch potato, do it! Most everything else we do for someone else, planning/shopping/sorting bills, even thinking about what they may like! Take some time in both hands and enjoy the feeling of being you again!

[CUmbrialass in reply to lell1]

Thanks, have been out once or twice saying I need to go on my own by quietly insisting and it works, however I do accept that he likes to go with me to so try to balance it out while he is still able to do so, we try to go out at least once a day somewhere, weather permitting. Good to know I am not the only one feeling like this.

[Rienij70 in reply to lell1]

Hi Lell, you said it all. Hugs to you😘

[CUmbrialass in reply to Rienij70]

Not a good day today but hopefully better tomorrow, wish we had family nearer to come in for an hour or so. Thanks for all your replies, life can be very difficult sometime and wonder what we have done for us both to deserve this.

[Rienij70 in reply to CUmbrialass]

I am sure it is nothing either of you-have done, luck of the draw. Do try to make some “me time” is better for you and him. When my OH gets dizzy 😵 or ‘not wel ‘ I give him some biscuits or a bit of chocolate. Tell him his sugar level is low. I know it is fibbing but it works for him. Saying all this I know it isn’t easy, but what can we do but carry on. I have done my back in at the moment. And he actually has been a help to me. Maybe, just maybe they need to be needed. Who knows! I try not to analyse thinks to much, otherwise I will be joining him. You take care of yourself, and have a good moan now and than. We are here to support one and other. 💕

[CUmbrialass in reply to Rienij70]

Thanks for that, good to have somewhere to. Own, I make sure he can help sometimes but not that much that he can do at the moment as waiting for a pacemaker to be fitted. Thanks

[CUmbrialass]

Should read through first ! Should have said moan. Cheers

[lell1]

How's things with you CUmbrialass? Have you managed to get out more ? And how's the OH?

[CUmbrialass in reply to lell1]

OH doing ok again now apart from very slow walking. Not getting out much but waiting to hear about sitting service from Carers Group. Not impressed with Adult Social Care Dept. So many changes now but just going from day at a time, have some very good friends and we try to get out using local transport to keep,used to different things. How are you?