Pain Free at The Moment

[dogmad65]

Hi, my mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung cancer in July 2018 which has spread to her liver. Unfortunately a recent scan has shown it has also spread to her bones. At first we could not believe the diagnosis; she has never smoked has always tried to eat well and worked part-time in a shop until 3 years ago when she retired. Mum remains pain free and has decided to not have any treatment (chemo was offered), she wants to enjoy her time to the full, she is 76 and lives simply just wanting to see her children and grandchildren. She has gone for quality rather than quantity of life. The only real symptoms she has shown is a cough and tiredness. She is not so steady walking but can walk with an arm to hold onto. Recently she has experienced a slight feeling of sickness when we are in the car. She can not believe that there is no pain at the moment. I was wondering if others have experienced this lack of pain.

[Dismal]

My husband didn't have pain. It was a cough and hoarse voice that he experienced. Only had pain from a break in his vertebra due to steroids

[dogmad65 in reply to Dismal]

Thank you for sharing. Just so thankful that mum is as comfortable as can be. Her face has gone a little 'yellow/brown' so think there may be problems with her liver which is not surprising.

[Dismal in reply to dogmad65]

Yes it's good that your mum is as comfortable as possible. I hope that she continues to do as well as possible for a long time and enjoy her family

[dogmad65 in reply to Dismal]

Thank you for your kind words and I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. Cancer is such a cruel disease x

[Dismal in reply to dogmad65]

It's beyond words how awful it is to have lost my husband to this dreadful cancer. We had no warning he just died suddenly one night. If there's anything else I can help you with just ask.

[miasam]

My husband didn't have much pain eather it was only when it spread to his brain .he was 73 he went the same rute didn't want chemo or anything he didn't want all that feeling ill he just wanted time with the grandkids and family the only treatment he had was when it went to brain he had radiotherapy. Take care it's not easy big hugs xx

[dogmad65 in reply to miasam]

Thank you for your reply. It is good to hear from others who have gone through or going through the same things. Do you mind sharing more information about your husband xx

[miasam in reply to dogmad65]

No if you want to ask anything if I know the answer I will tell you .my husband died 4 months after he was diagnosed with the mets in the brain xx

[dogmad65 in reply to miasam]

I am so sorry to hear how quickly your husband went. It is so hard to say the right thing. I just want my mum to enjoy her remaining time and to be as comfortable as possible. x

[miasam in reply to dogmad65]

I know how you feel that's all I wanted for my husband .I supported him when he said he didn't want any treatment I completely understood why .we talked a lot about what he wanted when it got nearer to the end for us Dave had the cancer for 3 years first they took some off lung a way then a year later it came back they took the rest he got very ill this time and was in hospital for 3 half months he got a really bad infection in the hospital. Which they struggled to get rid off .he came home and he picked up breathless and couldn't walk far but apart from that pretty pain free he came out off the hospital in the November we had a lovely Christmas. We even went to pub on the new years eve he was really well for for 5 months we even booked a holiday to France. Then he started to get headaches and then sick a lot then he started shufferling and stumbling we went back to the hospital we're they gave him a scan that was the first week in July they found it had spread to brain he had 4 mets they gave him steroids and all his symtoms stoped and he was pain free again we even went on our holiday to France when we came back they told us it was terminal and they thought he would have 3 months but if he had radiotherapy it might give him a bit longer he had 5 sessions it didn't really do any good we talked about what he wanted at the end he told me he didn't want to go back in to hospital so he didn't he died in his own bed .he told me what funeral he wanted he picked his own music to play .he wanted peaple not to have to wear black he didn't want peaple to be crying he wanted a party .Which is what i did we even had his favourite band playing in the pub .he stayed quite pain free till the last 6 weeks when the mets started getting bigger and headaches started again .he couldn't write any more he didn't know how too he kept falling over he didn't know day from night in the last 3 weeks he couldn't get out off bed any more he was still pain free as the palutive nurses kept him that way he became completely incontinent both ways he stopped eating anything .at all he lost lots off weight then he stoped drinking and slept a lot but still pretty much pain free he became really uncomfortable his body was so thin and it was shuting down so they put a line in him which gave him constant pain releaf and him sadated they told me he didn't have long .so our children and grandchildren came and saw him for the last time at the weekend his favourite niece came to see him on the Thursday morning she left I went to make a cup off tea the nurse was coming in at 2 30 I went in at 5 past 2 to wet his lips and he had gone .what I'm trying to tell you he was pretty pain free all along and he went peacefully. I'm not saying your mum will get brain mets not every one does .but I wanted you to know it doesn't mean that at the end it going to be full off pain becouse it's not like that nurses do there best to keep them comfortable. I hope this helps a bit why don't you get her a wheel chair so she can still go out in the fresh air .you can take her to shops to the park .and talk to her about how she feels what she wants when the time comes so when the time does come you can put this in place .if you ever want to message me you are welcome sending hugs xxx. Carol

[dogmad65 in reply to miasam]

Dear Carol, this is just such an awful disease. My Mum seems to be worried about pain she may have and I will tell her (a shortened version as do not want to scare her too much) about your husband. I try and make each day special even if it to watch a film together. My Dad seems to be coping but he hides a lot. I find I can write and share feelings on this forum but not always say them aloud. Take care and thank you xx Sue

[miasam in reply to dogmad65]

For me it's nearly a year but I still can't talk about things I can talk on here I became friends with another lady on here Jackie. Her husband died 3 weeks before so we sort off bonded and we came pretty close we speak 2 or 3 times a day we have meet and had a drink to togeather. So has been nice but find it hard to talk to my children .I didn't want to frighten you with what happened to my husband I I wanted you to see that it isn't easy but there is lots off help when you need it and they do keep any pain down as much as possible .and to do some nice things togeather so you have some nice memories. As well as the not so nice take care. Carol xxx

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Hello dogmad65,

It is good to hear that your mum is experiencing little in the way of symptoms and you will all be hoping that this continues, do you have any contact with the community palliative care team ? they are the experts in dealing with symptoms as they arise and they can offer great support to the family. To access this service you would need a referral from your Gp.

Kind regards

Roy Castle Helpline

[dogmad65 in reply to RoyCastleHelpline]

Morning, mum is under the local hospice. We have visited once. But although she is now showing that she is jaundiced (sun tanned face) and her stomach is swollen she remains comfortable. I have spoken to the local gp who said come in for a 'review' but mum does not want to at the moment. x