My son goes back to CA tomorrow....I’m in CT. I’m doing a really good job of feeling sorry for myself right now(...and so what!).
I’m grateful I can sit here a few minutes with you guys and get composed. I just do not know what to do at times...omg, can just feel so alone and frightened. I’m going to smoke a doobie and regroup....
Scottlg i know how hard it is to not get depressed but it does,nt help. i want you to get in a happier mood. please just try. We all have gotten depressed at one time or another. But we help each other. i want you to fight don,t give up theres hope out there. you have a guardian angel who,s by your side always shes there to help you make it through this. So try to cheer up. i,m here for you if you need to talk or rant i,ll listen we all will be there for you. put a big smile on your face love susiejo1948
Susiejo you’re a comfort...
Does MJ help your COPD? I have heard that it does.
Ask the oncology social worker for info on any cancer patient wellness meetings in your area. It won’t help that loneliness but it is helpful to be able to express your thoughts in a small group of people who are learning to live their best possible life post cancer diagnosis.
Are there any activities that you wanted to do but never had time? (I’ve taken up jewelry making.). Do you like to paint? Draw? Work with wood? Fabric? Write?
Your local library may have programs that can distract you for a while.
Maybe research options to smoking? Edibles can achieve the same effect but takes a bit longer to kick in. Vaping your MJ is probably safer, too. Maybe oils? Does CT have good dispensaries or does permitting medical marijuana there mean your only option is to grow your own?
You are right. Living a fulfilling life is up to me. Just haven’t got that quite figured out yet...lol...an old 12/ step program friend of mine stopped by out of the blue...(3-4yrs?)...to ‘update her phone contacts’....very sweet actually. G-d does send us these messages doesn’t He?
CT scans freak out most people! Hope it went smoothly. Saying goodbye to family at the end of holiday time is the pits!! Hang in there...i have no words of wisdom ...just in my experience...i am.slowly learning to take it day by day...if I feel.anxious and upset...i acknowledge this..take a deep breath and get on and Do something..even if it's just ironing.
Medical treatment is advancing rapidly. Be kind to yourself..
Our daughter and SIL have been visiting and head home today. The house is going to be very quiet and I expect the will be a few tears...
If you have MJ in leaf form, you might research how to make cannabutter in a Crock-Pot. The result can be used make edibles.
Best wishes as you cope with the empty house blues.
Thanx sci-fi....a comfort to know we ain’t alone right? Cooking can be quite a process but I’ll often buy edibles
Scottig, you have every reason to feel sorry for yourself! Indulge and then, as folks here have said, try to find something to enrich your day. Easy to say, but doing something, anything, can help.
It is very hard to have the ones we love leave and return to their busy lives...but it is also wonderful to know they are doing well, right?? 
At least you can smoke ... does it make you feel better? I couldn't ever learn to inhale right so wouldn't work for me..haha. Trying to lighten you up Scott. It's ok to feel bad for yourself. We all do at times. What helps me is petting Winnie and realizing she needs me...remember Zoey needs you and loves you. I know that doesn't make what you are going through go away but maybe it will help for a few minutes. You were working on your book - how is that going-- talk to us about it...I wish I was smart enough or had ideas to write to help people. Don't give up on your talents. Talk to us more. We are here..focus on other things then health - try for zoey.
Book seems to be on the shelf...have gotten back to it a little bit...
I like that. Indulge....& then find something to enrich your day!
Scott..what do you do with your days?
Recurrence of lung cancer after 3.5 years 
Help
How long is the life expectancy of a diagnosed lung cancer patient with a 2.5 cm lump in her lung? 
