Transconfused

Hi everyone Ian a transgender individual male to female.grew up in a third world country with my sister's and my mum and migrated to a better country.i worked for a bank and market research company as a male before I decided to change my gender and all through out my childhood I was isolated from everyone and never had friends and olways locked in the house with my sister's while my mum worked to support us.i had 4 imaginary friends as kid and they remained with me till now.one of my imaginary friends who was a female and I become that female in real life.i didn't no at the time that I was suffering from dissoactive identiy disorder.it never occurred to me.when I became that female the three other identities lost control and my female role was the dominant one and controlled everything.i lost ol respect for. The law,moral responbilties and started using using drugs and finally ten year saga resulted me in jail.when I woke up in jail and came to my self as who I was originally.i found out that I was serving a 12 month sentence and I broke down and became suicidal.my original identiy was olways suicidal and he took control coz as a child and the only boy in the family I got sexually abused by my own uncle's and relatives.couldnt tell my mum coz that will only bring shame to my family so I suffered in silence and not that identiy in jail became so forceful I smashed my head broken in jail until I was placed in segration and under video watch so I wouldn't harm myself.then I left jail and I became who Ian now.still living as a female but still having ol male symptoms and became Smoting else.i moved back wit my mum n sisters again after 30yrs.i don't talk to anyone.iam olways so unhappy.my anxiety levels r out of control.noting makes me happy.i tink bout living in the dark world as who I was when I got into trouble.i hate life.i believe and my other altars tell me it's no use living.there is no point.everyting I do is senseless.i look after my mum of old age now and everything I do is only for my family when I tink bout my life Ian full of rage and disgust.i have been seen a pshycrtist on a weekly basis.my physcologist on weekly basis.my stimulant treatment programme on weekly basis.its not helping.my medications not working and Ian no high dosage.its been 14 months since my release out jail and I have tried everything.is there anyone that can help me advise me pls.befor I will change course in my life again and may never return.anyone any advise and I thank u

4 Replies

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  • You suffered incredible trauma. That is why you're mind split. It's NOT your fault. I'm not an expert but I would say to try to connect to the Great Spirit that is within you. You can ask for help from angelic beings. There is nothing that will heal you more than this connection with the Divine. 😊

  • Oh my thank u.i never once thought to look in dat direction.i will now.thank u

  • You have been through so much, but I beg you to not despair. You are so precious in the eyes of God. I attached a few links which I hope will be really helpful. God bless you, and know that I will be praying for you.

    chastityproject.com/2017/06...

    youtube.com/playlist?list=P...

  • Thank u

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