I'm back and I need to vent!

[lanabanana00]

Hello girls! I'm back with an update(see my previous post) and a little vent. My super-fertile friend just told me in a disappointed voice that she's still not pregnant with #2 after 4 months of trying. And I was kinda glad... She didn't go into detail because she knows my situation. And she probably knew I'd jump down her throat if she complained too much. So in return, I was outwardly polite & made supportive comments. Inwardly though, I was screaming 'Do you see now? See how hard it is? And that's only after 4 months! Just imagine how you'd feel after 4 years!' Somehow I got a sense of satisfaction knowing that she's now had a (tiny) glimpse of what I'm going through. I suddenly remembered all her careless comments and insensitive advice. All those hurtful things she said to me... I know I'm a bad friend. And I'm admitting it. I can't defend myself...

[sandra788]

Perhaps I'm bad too... I was glad my coworker wasn't actually pregnant last week when she confided to me that she thought she might be. After struggling with the situation for a few days, she actually started to get used to the idea. She convinced herself she was pregnant. She then went to the doctor and took a pregnancy test. She was pretty upset it was BFN.

It would have killed me if she was. I couldn't deal with facing her every day getting more and more pregnant. Btw, it wasn't even planned. Why is it so easy for people??? We've been trying for years... And she's just had one random intercourse and got pg... I wish it was as easy for me...

I think your response to your friend's situation is totally normal. I think all of us here have had similar thoughts. You're not a bad friend! And you're not alone!

[cleo801]

Hi! I'm sure I would have been exactly the same. Unfortunately, all my friends appear to fall pregnant while on the pill. This happened to my absolute best friend twice. One of them conceived within two months of trying. Then she told me, "I understand what you are going through! I was so stressed! But then I relaxed and it just happened. I really think that if you relax too it will happen." I hate it when people tell me to relax! This is absolutely rude and ignorant to say that!!! DHs friend just fell pregnant (accidental) the month before they were going to start trying.Anyway, you certainly are not a bad friend. You didn't jump up on the table and start yelling "see.....now you know what I'm going through". In times like this, you did the right thing. You're a great friend! She is lucky to have you.

[lanabanana00]

Thanks, girls for your kind responses. It's probably a moment a lot of us have experienced in one way or another. Glad you think I'm not that bad as I thought. Thank you for your support.

@cleo801 I had the same with my SIL. She was "so stressed" when it took her 4 months to conceive. Um, yeah, that's not very long at all. Well, yeah, for her it might felt like an eternity, I understand... It different for everyone, but still it's incomparable for those who ttc for years...

[milaSM]

I know I have been extremely lucky with donor egg IVF! But I still can't help but be a little resentful that it happens so easily for others... I kind of hope my friends who are TTC have to try for a few months at least. So they get a tiny idea of the difficulties for some of having children. Well, I wouldn't want them to have to do IVF... Maybe just take 6+ months of trying. Still makes me feel bad! It would make people a lot more understanding to have that little insight into it... They need to understand it not just happening for everyone!!! I hate the concept of the "just relax" comments... So we didn't tell anyone about DE IVF to avoid it. When it worked for us I made a point of not talking about being pregnant too much. I don't know what men or women I work with are going through. Just as they had no idea about our issues. I didn't want to rub it in their faces. I don't think people appreciate what they have.

DH has to deal with me and my stress at home. And at the same time, he also had to pretend to be interested in other people's pregnancies at work and deal with the "when are you having kids?" questions.

[jossySSS]

You acted like a great friend! After what you have been through, you are entitled to a little guilty pleasure. My insensitive SIL got pg by accident while on the pill. She took so much pleasure in yapping on about her pg at every possible opportunity. I actually prayed that she would get fat, have stretch marks maybe even hemorrhoids... Two out of three ain't bad. Honestly, she used to come to ME for advice on everything. In her words, I'd spent years trying to get pg so I must be an expert since I've researched the subject so much! I promptly told her where to shove my expert advice.

[miranda333]

You aren’t a bad friend! I too tried for years before getting pregnant. I've had failed treatments, failed cycles, mental issues... My best friend conceived both of her kids right away & was so ungrateful. Now both of us are expecting! I had to go through hell and I'm finally pg after a cycle of mitochondrial donation. And she's pg with her baby #3. She told me how she got pregnant. Long story short, her husband literally said nope I’m not pulling out, you're getting pregnant today. And bam, she's pregnant! I wish it was that easy for me... I’m trying to just let it go. I'm just happy it's finally happening for me too! We’ve been friends for 10 plus years. Although, she said some things to me which still hurts, but I know she didn't mean to. Your feelings are completely valid! You're not alone!

[Marmo]

No, you aren't a bad friend. You're just having truly tough times..

Every case is different. Treatment paths vary greatly. Thus we're lucky nowadays to have so many options. Of course costs matter much, but as soon as you come across BTC, you'll realize it IS possible to find a suitable one for you. Still you cannot expect everything to be just ideal. That's like everywhere else. I mean sometimes you'll have to wait a bit longer, or you'll have to stay for longer. Or they will want you to pass more additional tests to get the whole pic. But everything they do is for your benefit. So one should keep patience. This is not easy at times of dreadful covid. That's understandable but it's useful to look for pros. For example, you can dedicate more time for research. You can study the options and choose being in no haste. Hardly ever you could do it, right? Then you've got more time to chat with others sailing in the same boat. Mutual support is priceless. Anytime it's a tough moment for you, please don't hesitate to message me. Stay well with a positive outlook. We're here for each other. x

[Mel77 in reply to Marmo]

I myself have nothing against Ukrainian clinics. But not just all of them. Dh and I used BTC, Kyiv. In brief, the process went quite fast. They were ready to switch to donor's help any time. And it wouldn't be easy to choose from their really huge database. Anyways, they've got different treatment plans. One can find what suits their pocket and expectations the best. Reasonable prices. Impressive set of services for a fixed money sum. We liked people around. Both med personnel and (intended) patients. We met couples from different parts of the world. All they came for different treatment plans. This really helped to know we weren't alone in all this. We're so much thankful to our beautiful dr and nurses. All they helped us to finally achieve success.