My first post

[fleurelliott]

Hi everyone I've just discovered this website. At Christmas 2004 i was chronically aneamic after having 2 bleeding stomach ulcers. I was getting back pains and feeling breathless.. I went to my GP who said i had pneumonia that night i woke up in great pain in my back i was also shaking uncontrollably. My husband called the doctor out who took me to hospital and put me in high dependency. The next day according to my husband as I don't remember any of this i was sitting in bed and suddenly both my lungs collapsed i was put on life support after i was incubated and had 4 tubes coming out of my side's into buckets trying to help my lungs. I was given a 5% chance to live and my family were called in thinking it was the end. I woke up 3 months later with a tracheotmy so I couldn't speak. I could not lift even my finger. I had horrendous dreams while under and i was very confused. I had a couple of bad experiences with a night nurse who thought it was fun to hurt me mentally and physically. I managed some how to report her. I was in st Thomas hospital in london. After 8 months in hospital getting better i have been left with permanent damage to my lungs they work 50% and i have to use oxygen all the time when out. My back is somehow bent a little so I can't stand straight and i have a bad hip. The mental scars are still there my memory is really bad and i get very confused i even thought I had dementia even though I'm only 49. I'm still on drugs for anxiety and depression and i feel like nobody understands. I should be happy i beat the odds and even had another child after getting pregnant 4 months after leaving hospital but I'm not happy and i feel like a burden. Hop someone understands. Xx

[BBDEBS]

Totally understand. Do you have access to an Icu steps support group? X

[Copse77]

I am sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. As someone replied and asked about whether you had an ICU support group I am attaching a link to a guide which you may find helpful.

icusteps.org/guide

[Copse77]

Dear Fleur also this radio programme is only 14 minutes long and may help you understand what happened to you,

bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0001jpv

If you would like to private message me I will reply. I almost lost my younger brother. He was 49 with a young child when it happened. My world felt over.

Best wishes a sister.

[bunnyrabbit1234]

Oh dear fleure it makes me sad to hear your story because it is so similar to my own. I was only in hospital for 7 weeks but it still felt like a lifetime. I think everyone has the dreams. So scary. When i woke up i couldn't scratch my nose. It's been over 4 years now and still get badly out of breath, can't remember stuff. Compared to you i am very lucky but you are right we are not happy. We are fed up feeling ill. Anyway enough of that. Just keep popping back to this website. I do just to remind myself that I am not alone.

[Lou-poo]

I experienced H1N1, double pneumonia, and sepsis 9yrs. Ago. I was in a medically induced coma for 2 weeks, Bi-pap for 2 weeks, and rehab for 3 weeks. I gradually improved I a year. I am an RN and held a position as supervisor for Home Health Care for 25 years, but could no longer work because of short term memory loss and poor endurance. I felt like a rug and been jerked out from under me. I now have fibromyalgia, COPD, diastolic CHF, and unsteady gait. I have depression and anxiety that I battle everyday. I use oxygen at night. Oxygen salts are around 92. I am so thankful to still be here, but I am tired! My family doesn’t understand, and I feel so alone. It has helped me so much hear from others.

[Natty1234]

I totally agree some of the nurses goed me playing me up was far to early for general ward who didn’t have a clue bout delerium it was auwful had to sneak out taxi home for self protective measures otherwise would had a nervous breakdown I know where your coming from it’s been 12 months since icu for 6 months in total had a massive bleed 50units it was coming out quicker than they could put it in , in June tried to top myself 20 Valium and a pack of cider but didn’t work just made everything 10 times worse I don’t know if I can cope anymore and feel like taking 50 valiums that will do the job all the best to u take care

[Natty1234]

Ditto I feel exactly the same x

[Sepsur]

Have you heard of cognitive dysfunction- which is a really common ‘side effect’ of ICU. My THINKING has improved but has not returned to how I was before ICU.

I found this guide really helpful for deciding what was the new norm.

[Sepsur in reply to Sepsur]

icusteps.org/assets/files/I...