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I'm 23 from London I was diagnosed over a year ago and can't seem to get a hold of my life again, god I miss dating but I just can't seem to do it all again, I feel too vunerable. I completely stopped having sex for about a year but I don't think that was healthy. I'm looking for friends around my age who are are more grounded than me and can move past it a lot faster. And just to hang out with who get it. All the best

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  • Hey lightbulb1 sorry to hear that. I totally I understand where you are coming from regarding dating its tough. I'm based in London too if you fancy chatting let me know. Have you tried any newly diagnosed groups? They are a massive help in building strength in your self belief and perspective.

  • Mate I know what you mean about trying to find friends who get it. It's been the hardest thing for me. I wasn't very involved in the 'gay scene' before I was diagnosed and feel even more isolated from it now. I'm 33 now and wasn't to try dating properly again but again it's hard to know where to start, when do you tell someone you're positive? It's a mind field for me and would like to find some help too!

  • I've said this before about dating , for me it's been easy being honest about my status especially on gay sites for meeting and sex.

    If someone asks me then I tell them I am undetectable so whether or not you practise safe sex if they are adult about it there shouldn't be much to worry about

  • I'm twice as old as you but just saying ..nothing wrong in dating and having fun , obviously we all have bad times when you don't think about sex or dates. I've been pretty active since I got diagnosed ( after I was ill ) the only thing I suggest is be honest if people ask about your status , I find the majority of guys are ok with it.

  • Hi Lightbulb,

    Just a few lines to say Hi and welcome to this community. Some people do find it hard to move on from getting the news that they are now living with HIV. Most people find it takes a few months to adjust others take longer, do not get too stressed out about how much time you need.

    I think Lndnguy's suggestion about signing up for a newly diagnosed course is a good one. Positively UK run regular newly diagnosed workshops and have one on the 29th & 30th April. The term newly diagnosed is a looser term ;-) I know the team that run the course and I have no problem recommending them.

    See the Positively UK web site for full details: positivelyuk.org/tlc/

    There is a regular positive pub crawl in Soho on the first Thursday of each month details are on the GMFA web site: gmfa.org.uk/Event/pozpubcrawl

    You have not mentioned if you are on treatment or not. Do you know about Treatment as Prevention (TaSP)? or if your viral load is undetectable for over six months it is virtually impossible for you to pass the virus on to anyone? See this post: healthunlocked.com/hivpartn....

    I hope some of this helps.

    I am going to post a separate post with some links to other online resources for socialising and dating for positive people, so look out for that.

    Kind Regards,

    Paul

    PS Which clinic do you go to?

  • Yeah Positivily are greater I did my peer mentor training with them and thought they were fantastic. I did the newly diagnosed group after a year from diagnosis with THT in London and have met some of my best group of friends who I go out with all the time. It totally normalises hiv.

    With regards to dating I think it is great advice to say you are undetectable and to deliver the news with confidence. I found when I nervously said it once it didn't go so well I sounded like a victim then when I said as if to say that's the deal I've had much better reactions. I agree it's not scientific but makes logical sense.

  • My personal two pence worth regarding dating and telling; Owning it and being confident about anything can be a very attractive attribute as lndnguy mentioned, do you really want to wast your time with someone who in the 21st century still has issues with HIV?

  • Hi Lightbulb,

    This is just a quick followup from yesterdays message.

    I contacted the guy who runs the Positively UK's newly diagnosed workshops and there are still some places left on the workshop that takes place over the weekend of the 29th & 30th April.

    If you, or anyone else, would like to sign up for the workshop contact Jim at Positively UK by emailing: jfielder@positivelyuk.org

    For details about the workshop go to the Positively UK web site at positivelyuk.org/tlc/

    I know lots of people who have gone to these workshops and they have all spoken very highly of them and also commented on how good it is to be in a space where all the people in the room are living with HIV.

    If you can find the time I would really recommend going.

    All the best,

    Paul.

    PS. They run these workshops throughout the year so if you cannot make this one try on later.

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