Hi ive been diagnosed with hbv since August 2020... am 26 and ive never had sex.

[Bail_out]

(Excuse my bad english its my 2nd language)

(Please understand that i dont mean to bring anyone down, i just want to share my thoughts and my progress)

(please do not take my journey with this as the default journey for everyone.. each one of us has his own journey and it doesn't mean that you will go through what i went through, please know that am writing this with no intends to effect your mind or your thoughts, as i just said am just writing my own both mental and physical experience with this.)

Hi am sharing my own experience with HBV with the emotions am going through and my thoughts.

To start of It would be much easier for me to accept the fact that am infected if i had sex or blow job or somthing... like.. i would say sh*t happens ill be careful next time..

Long story short i love to travel.. i went to a lot of countries.. and before traveling i always do some blood tests.. you might ask why and ill answer it i am disgonsed with Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) since i was little child..

i am 26 years old now still haven't had sex due to my fear of disease since i was at age 8.

And thats because of bad parenting as my parents used to freak me out with mentioning diseases whenever i ask them about sex it grew on me and the fear controlled ever since i never had gf Because of it even though i got into situations where bunch of girls ask me for sex and i turned down all of them due to my fear.

I spent all my life watching porn and masturbating.

Moving on,

i travelled to the Philippines in 2019 for sightseeing and nature.

I didn't even touch a women out there.. but i guess i got infected there somehow.

2020 i was planing to go to spain in order to complete my study at least that what i thought i would do until i went to do some usual check up and some usual blood test before traveling...

and suddenly.. i was diagnosed with hbv.. you guessed my biggest nightmare came alive. It would be less harder to deal with this without the OCD.

With whole lotta of panic i searched about it on the internet to find out that there is two type of infections.. acute and chronic.. i felt happy that most of adults clear the virus on their own (and am telling you my health status is great since ever)so i felt good about it ..... i prayed to god that am having an acute infection and i prayed that this nightmare Would end. so i went to specialist next day to know more details about my case.. and guess what ?

god didnt answer my prayers.. the doctor said that i have unactive chronic case... and i need to get another blood test after 6 months.

i got shocked to the bone.. now with my chronic case i can never study the major i want which is only in spain.. i told my self fu** it, ill accept this and deal with it my self like ive been dealing with most of my life problems i said to my self you gotta man up now and think positivly, you can do this.. so first 2 weeks all i did was some research about HBV.. and then i got tired with all this searching.. i said listen man your not losing anything right? I mean you can study an other major its ok.. what else i can do.. no problem.. and my chances to have a woman who will love me even though am diseased is very rare.

thats fine.. am used to not having a partner i guess, then i said to my self listen as long as there is no actual effects on my appearance that mean it is never there so just forget it. And i did first couple of months until i woke up one day.. to look at my self in the mirror... amd screem

hey my face is yellow?? Maybe am tired i said it will go away.. dont panic.

Wait ill pray to god one more time to remove this yellow colour from my face... But It didn't

..it seems like god is not answering any of my prayers. But what else can i say..

i never had any symptoms nothing at all.. i never felt like i was sick, but now my face is yellow since three months.. and am mentaly going through hell because of this. Am angry all the time i smoke more am losing hair.. it all was horrible at first but now it doesn't matter if lost hair nor if am smokingtoo much or anything... you can call me a quitter and am telling you yes i am beacuse tbis game aint fair and i quite i surrender.. i cried all the time but now there is no tears.. i sow those who close to me looking a t me a different look... am the boggy man now.. everyone is affraid of me.. but what still hurts me the fact that my face is yellow.

i am affraid to look at my self in the mirror. I cant forget the fact that am diseased now.. i feel like everyone is better than me.. i feel like my soul is fading away day by day because of this, i feel horrible when am with my family and my friends.

Moving on..

The real reason that i have joined this community is to see if someone have experience with this who could tell me why my face is yellow even that the docotor told me that am unactive chronic, the doctor said that i should be able to live fine.. now that my face is yellow am doubting this doctor in my mind .. and i want you guys to see the result of my tests in the attached photos below but i cant seem to be able to attach all the photos so ill just leave the link here for you

drive.google.com/folderview...

Finally

it have been 5 months since my last test.

on February this year i have total check up (blood test and dna, etc... , . To see whats up

but this time am not prying to god.

[Griffon]

Hi there , First let me say your English is excellent !

As you have probably found out sex is not the only way you can contract HBV , the virus can live in the environment for several days . As you were only diagnosed in August it is still possible that you are in the acute stage and may yet shake off the infection on your own . As you have another test in February you will know then how the disease is progressing .

It seems to me that a grater problem for you may be mental health issues . If you are mentally strong you will be much better able to manage whatever problems life throws at you . You mention OCD , which I understand is a mental thought process where the thoughts go round and round in your head and you can't stop this thought process . It's like a runaway train you can't get off . The obvious cure is to break the thought chain , but how you do that is not so easy .

The good news is chronic HBV can be suppressed with treatment . I have been co infected with HIV and HBV for around twenty years . I have been on treatment for ten years . Both HIV and HBV virus levels are undetectable , meaning they are not affecting my health , and I am not infectious to other people . If you manage your infection properly there is no reason why you can't go on and do all the things you want in your life .

[Bail_out in reply to Griffon]

Thanks for the kind words. And am happy for you making all this progress i cant imagine what you have been through, am happy for you that you are mentaly strong too.Based on your experience what did you figure out from my tests that i uploaded on the link above ? And is it normal that my face is yellowish ?

[Griffon in reply to Bail_out]

Hi , Sorry but I'm not qualified to properly understand the significance of the figures on your print out , although the numbers look very low to me - You will need to ask your doctor to explain them to you .

[Griffon in reply to Griffon]

I have checked your test results on the Internet and they appear to show that you are between the acute and chronic stages of HBV . Your next test results should give you a much clearer picture of what is going on , and it is even possible you may have cleared the infection by then .

[Bail_out in reply to Griffon]

Thank you, but i dont think so.. first when i went to the doctor i made a whole lot of tests and the doctor him said that i have chronic case but not active, and he said i dont need medication, the point is.. from your point of view why do you think my face is yellow even though the doctor said that i dont need medication beacuse my case is not active? I dont know what to say i dont want to trouble you but you now this f***ing OCD making it waaaay too much harder, i cant spend an hour without a smoke,

what else can i do nothing.. what is done is done i cant change anything.. i cant stop even thinking about everything.

I dont know how this happend but you know somthing... i probably deserve it.

[Griffon in reply to Bail_out]

Yellowing of the skin , gums and whites of the eyes are an indication of jaundice , which shows there is a problem with the liver . Lots of conditions can cause jaundice , including such things as leptospirosis and gall stones . There is no way of knowing why your skin is yellow without investigation . The only thing I can tell you is that when I was diagnosed with HBV my viral count was off the scale it was so high , and I never had any yellowing . Two things occurred to me , first , if you have OCD are you really sure your skin is yellow ? Secondly , if you are a heavy smoker could it be nicotine staining your skin ?

[Bail_out in reply to Griffon]

Thank you for replaying.For sure ive been smoking sonce 2013 and ive never felt that my face is yellow, only when i had a headache, but since April 2020 ive been feeling that my face is yellow but i didnt pay attention and now since i was disgonsed on August ive been feeling that its getting yellowish by the time, am taking photos everyday of my skin to compare with old photos and there is a big difference, but as you said that you had a high viral load and you had no symptoms made me thinking like its the OCD, but am sure there is a difference in photos when i compare between the old ones and the new ones.

Anyway 1st of February am going to see where its going, but am ready for the worst case.

But to be honest you are like a hero to me now, you survived alot and thats inspiration itself, thank you so much for giving me some of your time. And ill update you as soon as

I get a the new blood test results.

Thank you Griffon.

[Griffon in reply to Bail_out]

Please let me know how you get on . Real life cases and experiences are the best way to gather information that could help other people .