Dad in HDU - TBI from fall

[Charliebear25]

Hi. I came across this forum a few weeks ago and could do with some support.

My Dad (79) had a fall 3 weeks ago from standing height. We don’t really know what happened but he ended up in ICU. He was sedated but now has a trachy and is no longer ventilated or sedated. He was moved last week to HDU and they are trying to wean him of oxygen so he can have the tracky removed. He is very confused and keeps investigating his wires and tubes.

The nurses will not start to deflate the cuff on his tracky as he looks to be starting with sleep apnea. Whilst asleep his oxygen levels are dropping to around 80. They go back up when he is awake.

I am going to see him daily as I have been signed off work. I am an only child. It upset me today as the nurse had some games out for him. The type of games a toddler would play with and he struggled. He doesn’t understand where he is and doesn’t seem to recognise me or any family member. He appears to have some ICU delirium and it’s horrible to see as that is not my Dad in the hospital bed.

I know it’s going to be a long journey and sometimes I wonder how I will manage it. The daily visits are so emotional and I feel so tired at times. I am scared about the future for my lovely Dad and for me.

Today he just looked like a child all lost and confused. It’s so painful to see.

I know he has progressed but I don’t feel very positive today. I am worrying about going back to work and where that leaves me for visiting. I am just confused and sad. Very sad. Is this all normal?

[Terry270]

Hi, Its all pretty normal, although my experience is with someone much younger, it takes a long time, moving forward day by day month and tear by year. You need to be strong and ask lots of questions of the medical staff.

[Skallagrigg]

It's normal it's sad, when you go back to work get into a routine with visits, I did with son, ended up being twice a week but I tried to make them quality, emotionally draining for you , I went to counselling with the brain charity as I was sad, sad was the word I used for about a year but the counselling did help, being sad over something like this is normal ,good luck

[Silkwood20]

Hi Charliebear, O how I empathise, it is all so very sad. As others say, take it one day at a time. When you are able to return to work, I hope the routine might help you. Don't feel bad about less visiting then, as it sounds like he is well looked after, 'it is what it is' as I always say. I well remember the exhaustion of those early days, try and practice good sleep hygiene. (A notebook and pen by your bed for when you wake up thinking of something vital, helps you to get off again, I found) Honestly things will get easier as you adjust. God bless you both.

[Charliebear25]

Thank you for all the lovely comments. I think I am having a difficult few days. I just feel such extreme sadness. Like it is in every part of my being and it’s so heavy.

I am trying hard to keep myself healthy and I am sometimes amazed at how strong I have been, especially in the first week when consultants wanted to talk about end of life. What a miracle that Dad has improved so much over 3 weeks.

I think being back at work may be helpful. At the moment all I can think about is my Dad. My parents are divorced but it is amicable. Mum is 81 and she has struggled with her emotions at times. Either being very sad or jubilant. I do struggle to deal with her vulnerability and emotions as well as my own. I do have a fantastic hubby who has been there throughout. I thinks it’s the mix of emotions you feel that is so draining.

Thanks everyone and I wish you all well

[TreesMTBI]

Hi Charliebear I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad but sounds like he’s making progress, it’s early days so far. Hope you manage to find a way through and please take good care of yourself.

Just a thought, if you haven’t already, you can always contact Headway, the brain injury charity who run this forum. They offer a kind listening ear and have lots of advice and answers to any questions you might have. Details below. They have been so helpful after my tbi.

Visit headway.org.uk to find out more, or contact our helpline on 0808 800 2244 or [e-mail] for personal support.

All the very best wishes for your dad’s continued recovery and to you.

Tx

[Charliebear25 in reply to TreesMTBI]

Thank you so much for the wishes and great advice. Xx

[skydivesurvivor]

tough times!! Spent a month in HD at 34, he has no idea of cituation , unlike family awaiting him? Horrible sitting there, no progress. Last waking thought? 1st waking though seems to go on forever? Sounds bad but he ain’t aware of the heartache y all going through just now? He’s had a good long life no doubt bad bits in there somewhere. I sat in HD with dad before he passed, made me realise what had put him through!! Tell him y love him, hold his hand.apparently they can hear, are aware? Tough times for sure! But just think on all the times he sat in your position over y childhood doing the same? Death will come to us all, part of life am afraid, be strong for the others around you? They need y far more than he does just now a hug says volumes. Good luck