trying to...

[Dogsabighelp]

i havnt gone for my visit,rang to say i was poorly.i have since last week,gone from pure rage to sadness,i know im better than this,stronger than this but am for some reason unable to understand whats going on.i sit for hours writing letters i know im not going to send,(anyone of a certain age will remember a moody blues song about this!)i cannot at this time help my son.shoulda/woulda/coulda?took photos?yes i should have,why didnt i?dont know..i do keep a dairy thats all i have.as some of you know ive gone through some low points,this is the worst yet,only because i cant make any sense of whats going on.i know that,however my son has much more capacity than anyone expected or gave him credit for.he becomes more frustrated as time goes on.back in day he was cuddling kissing everyone,known as a "freindly type".not in his true nature.i could count on one hand in 20 years the times my son has given me cuddle.we just not like that....my feeling is that he is becoming more aware,getting frustrated and angry.i know that he remembers what put him in this situation in the first place because he has communicated this to me,again he is angry about this also.very hard when you cant speak and your brain is telling you to?it requires patience/time/effort.he is a very compulsive person acting first thinking later.im more measured,but very combatative.its a very bad combination has caused us both issues in past times.my thinking though is,such a partnership if channelled in the correct way could be most beneficial?another rant?of course!bonkers?absolutley thankyou all for listening and caring my love to you allxx

[Painting-girl]

Hi D, take a few deep breaths, and give yourself a break, you've been under a great deal of strain for ages now.

Here's a question for you - If you were told about someone whose son had a brain injury in distressing circumstances, how would you expect them to behave, and would you be inclined to be gentle to them? Please be that gentle to yourself.

Can you take a little time out to care for your own health needs, before pitching back in for your son too? Perhaps take a little time to talk to the Headway helpline, and get some support from them, before trying to sort things out.

Love and prayers 🙏

J

[Dogsabighelp in reply to Painting-girl]

its funny you ask about taking time.i did today.didnt visit raining so indoors.bout 4 pm knock on door..do you call people little people/dwarfs i dont know.he couldnt care less.he came to ask about my son,someone had said told him where i live.he said he remebered when they were all kids he used to sit with me ask me to tell them to let him play.they would never let him play.he said,i dont remember this,i used to make up daft songs about chickens and call the boys cluckers?support comes ,maybe not he wasted now.im not sure of my point at this time,i must have been gentle back when tho?

[Painting-girl in reply to Dogsabighelp]

Support sometimes comes when we least expect it D, it sounds like a very kind act of his to come and see you, and to remind you of perhaps gentler times, and your kindness to him. I'm so glad you got that little bit of respite today.

Take care xx

[cat3]

It's obvious from your posts that any combativeness from you is just the outward layer hiding your hidden turmoil and panic from worrying so much for your son.

As mothers we would die for our children and we defend them with whatever means we have. Your emotions have been tested to their limits by shock, fear, uncertainty and mental exhaustion.

You're a brilliant mum and a good person D and you're allowed off days. My son described his state of mind during the uncertainty of my prognosis as 'The edge of madness' and my daughter felt torn between hope and despair.

Try to avoid overthinking the maybes and what ifs and create calm moments every day, if only taking your dog and a flask to a local green space so you can sit and breathe and watch the world go by for your mental health's sake.

You're often in my thoughts you m'love.... xx

[Skallagrigg]

It's a proper yuk time for you and your son, as mums we ve always kissed and made better, we know our kids moods,quirks, good bits bad bits, then something like this happens, and boom we,re upside down and back to front, we dont have the answers, we desperately want answers, with brain injury unlike a broken leg,there seems to be no straigtforward way of anything, to see other people treating them in a way we dont expect or accept cuts our heart, it is horrible,frustrating and heartbreaking, and for your son it must be the same and more, ranting on here is a good way of keeping your own sanity, I wish you well I really do

[Cornishboxer2]

I really feel for what you are going through with your obviously very loved son. It seems an honour to read your words explaining and trying to make sense of how you feel and the courageous ness of how you are finding ways to cope in such challenging circumstances. I think everyone’s suggestions to take time for yourself in quiet or reassuring space are definitely good suggestions. Suffering a brain injury myself I have just been given a ‘class’ in how to recognise how I’m feeling sometimes ahead of time and then make space for where I’m at and to be kind to myself. Maybe doing the same will help you. It’s also good to read how you are reflecting on your relationship over time with your son. You clearly have both got strengths that together can carry you forward. As for your sons friend coming round to see how you are and show support that is wonderful. Grab hold of the good things in your life right now and hold them close like treasure. I do not know you and I’m not religious but I want to send prayers of a very good kind to you both right now. One step at a time… Take good care of yourself.

[Dogsabighelp in reply to Cornishboxer2]

thankyou so much for your post.that someone gets it what can i say?life can change and i know never happens to us but we know it happens only because im living it.cant say any

[Pairofboots]

My friend you can't second guess yourself. Shoulda/ woulda /coulda, are all past tense, they are destructive because you are judging yourself, and you will be more critical than anyone.

You talk of combining forces with your son, the benefit of your combined approaches. This is positive, because it is forward looking, what you as a pair can achieve.

You mentioned to Jen that you had a visit from one of your son's friends, and the kindness you showed him. He reminded you that you are a good person, a kind person, and a caring person.

Use this time to restore your reserve's, take heart from your son's friend. You can, you will go back stronger with determination to get the best for your lad. I have no doubt that you have got this.

Remember it is the service that shoulda/woulda/coulda, but haven't!

Keep strong x