Discharge thoughts

[ored13]

Hello lovely people!

Looking for a bit of advice. So there are a few rumblings of the potential discharge date for my husband being in May. We live in a house which is too small, has an extremely steep staircase with our bathroom upstairs. But a WC downstairs. I have had my nose to the wheel looking for a different house to rent but am not coming up with much that doesn't cost a million pounds per month and will take a dog. The OT is coming to do an assessment next week (must clean my house😬😬). We live in a village in the middle of nowhere. I can't help but feel that this is the best place for him. However the family wants us to move closer to Glasgow so we can get their support etc. Sure this is going to do my head in. They have even suggested that my husband be discharged into his parent's care if I can't find anywhere suitable. I just don't think that this is a good idea.

So aside from the waffling. The main push for a move is for his mobilit. He's using a stick with someone to support on his weaker side and his steps are still quite small. Our kids are very energetic and our dog frankly clumsy for something with 4 legs. Kids are also clumsy to be fair.

When you were discharged did you just want to go HOME?

How would you have felt about going into a new environment?

When you had your family member discharged how much of a shock to the system was it?

We live in an incredibly supportive community. The fire fighters and paramedic who helped with resuscitation on the night he collapsed are all people we know. Even the police sergeant has kids who are at the same rugby club as my son. There has never been a day when someone hasn't asked how he is or offered some sort of help. We also have a network of rural carers (again people we know) who are available.

So what I'm asking is. Should I rush a move?

Should I convert our living/dining room into a bedroom/dining area. Basically put our bed in and a smaller sofa and keep our dining table. Move the TV and sofa up to our bedroom so the kids and I can be out of the way when my husband needs rest, but ultimately they will be at school most of the day aside from the weekends. Also friends have offered to whip them away if it gets too much and they're all so close by it could happen in minutes. Just the shower thing, but he can manage a few stairs so maybe we can do alternate days showering and washing and we can just take the stairs super super slowly.

So many questions. So much pressure from the family. They are determined that we would be better off closer and I'm not knocking that but maybe it would be better for him is he was just HOME and we looked for somewhere bigger and closer to better further rehabilitation together?

[Pairofboots]

Hi again ored, Best thing is to wait for the OT assessment, they will advise you of any changes. Don't jump the gun, you will have time to prepare.

I didn't have a long stay in hospital, would have been longer, but they needed the bed. I found even going to my home took some getting used to.

While still being quite unwell I had to sell my house, which resulted in two quite rapid moves, the first a stop gap to catch breath, the second, a completely different area hundreds of miles away from everything I know. Seven years on, I still don't feel at home beyond my front door.

My personal view, not based on any science, is that familiarity would be a greater benefit.

[ored13 in reply to Pairofboots]

This is something that sort of hit me at 8am this morning. That he may feel slightly distressed and Alienated in a new environment where people didn't really understand why he had problems with his speech etc. I've just had a chat with him and he's determined that he just wants to come home. He says he can manage 25 steps with a railing on either side. He does understand that we will need a larger home because we're pretty overcrowded where we are. But you're right. I need to slow it down a bit. It's going to be a very uncomfortable discussion with the family. To be honest I don't trust that we will get thorough rehab in the area we live in and do worry that my husband will just sit in a chair and not progress. But maybe just a couple of months at home could be his stop gap.

[Pairofboots in reply to ored13]

See what the OT says before thinking ahead of the what ifs. Get all the information so any decisions are informed. Families can be difficult, but fend them off with the OT assessment.

[ored13 in reply to Pairofboots]

Yes, ultimately it just makes more sense to live here for a bit and see how we get on. And if Covid rears its ugly head again I would rather be here with no access to rehabilitation than in a random place with still no access because things have shut down.

[New_beginning]

Gosh, apart from family offering support which seems very generous, I'm wary of the move.

I had same thoughts with house we live in an oldish house early 1900s, so door, hallway very narrow, and stairs very small steps, we have to walk diagonally and very steep (so many falls over the years) but it's your home; your husbands home, your children's home. You have a good community, honestly it's rare, we only know our actual neighbours by name and it's been nearly two decades, everyone curtain twitchers, were youngest in our area and never accepted when we moved in area, lol they thought my husband was my dad for years hes only 4years older than me gosh I've caught up now looking my age and some mind.

I would wait for OT assessment, try and block these thoughts out until you have clarity; your brain 100 steps ahead, it doesn't go even when husband home mind there will always be decisions and thinking ahead of endless possibilities or answers with everything, but this is a big decision and you than anyone will also need familiarity along side husband and kids.

[ored13 in reply to New_beginning]

These are my thoughts as well. O skyped my husband in the end and asked how he felt about it. I'm lucky I have the option to do that and I'm thankful every day that I can and that he is able to make decisions. Our community is amazing even on a bad day...it's a village after all. Someone is going to rub you up the wrong way at some point without fail. We took quite a long time to fit into this community. But now I find it really difficult to think of living anywhere else. Ultimately, our house is shrinking around us and we have to move but it not something I take lightly. We've been going to move for years but I've just found reasons not to.

So I feel a bit like I can breath now. I told the family that the best option for us at the moment was to stay put and they have accepted and understood....which they don't always!🥴