I'm new, hello!

[Addenbrookes_2018]

Hi! I'm so glad I've finally found somewhere to talk about my experiences with head injuries. I feel it's really hard to explain to someone exactly how I feel unless they've been through something similar - and most people probably haven't.

I'm going to ramble because I really need to vent but this is basically my story:

My mum and I lived together since my dad moved out back in 2013 (I was 12). Things were good, we got on really well (after I'd gotten over the whole puberty and hating my mum phase). In 2017, she came home from work, cooked dinner and as soon as she sat down, she started violently swaying back and forth. I was really confused but she swore she couldn't control it. She said she was dizzy and felt sick so I ran and got a bowl and left the room (I can't deal with vomit). I worried it was something in the food as she wasn't the best cook but it was not as I was fine. I call the ambulance and they send someone over and after loads of deliberation, they said it was either vertigo or Norovirus. Either way, they gave her pain killers and for about a week, she was in bed with a dreadful headache... but after that she was fine.

Then, fast forward to 2018, a similar thing happens but she wakes up feeling this way but she doesn't feel like she's going to throw up, just feels dizzy. She looked so much better than she did the previous year and there didn't seem too much to worry about, but nevertheless, I called the ambulance and the paramedics came over and had no idea. It wasn't a stroke, all her vitals were fine (blood pressure was a little bit high but nothing unusual). They take her to the hospital anyway to get her checked out and she goes with her partner while I stay to look after the dog.

It should take about 20 minutes to get to the hospital and after hearing nothing after half an hour, I decide to call my boyfriend to give me a lift as I'm a little worried. He comes over, we head off and as we're walking into the hospital, I say to him "Oh my God, imagine if she has to stay in overnight and I have to walk the dog?!"... as if that was my worst worry.

Anyway, we get in there and they ask if I'm my mum's daughter, me, in shock says yes and they reply with "Ah, we were waiting for you, we've got something to tell you... your mum had a massive brain bleed and she probably wont survive it". I literally collapsed. The doctor was still speaking but I couldn't listen, not after hearing that. I remember feeling like someone had punctured my lung upon hearing that news. It was unbelievable. She was ALWAYS so well. Never got even a cough and now this?

By the time I went in to see her, she had tubes all over her body, her PJs ripped off her and about 8 or 9 staff all over her trying to make sure she was okay. It was months later when I heard from her partner that she had actually died in the ambulance and they had to resuscitate her there and then. She was in a coma after that and rushed to Addenbrookes in Cambridge (over 2 hour drive from my local hospital) where they then did 6 hours of surgery. My family met me there and we all stayed there for about 14 hours before going home.

She stayed in a coma for about 2 weeks and after that, she has never been the same. She doesn't talk, she can't really communicate, she has lost mental capacity and it genuinely feels like I lost her. She's so much further than she was, she's made so much progress but I feel like this is all the progress she has and ever will make, it's been about 18 months now. I hear so many stories about people taking a while to recover but eventually being themselves again but I don't think I will ever get to see my mum again. Not the real mum, just this human shell of her.

I miss her lots and I just wondered if anyone is going through a similar thing to me or has gone through a similar thing, how are you coping? I'm struggling so much.

Attached is a photo of her and I not even a month before it happened.

[RainbowBrie]

I couldn't read your story and not reply. Sending you a massive hug. You've come to the right place. I'm sure there will be lots of people with lots of advice and similar stories.

There's also the headway number to call to speak to someone there. You aren't alone lovely. x

[Addenbrookes_2018 in reply to RainbowBrie]

Thank you, I really appreciate it ❤️

[HungryHufflepuff]

Sending you all best wishes 🕊️

[Pairofboots]

I can only speak from the other side, I often think it is harder for relatives and friends. They have the memories.

I know me the mark ll version, I remember parts of the original, and I often struggle to reconcile the two.

There are people here who are living, like you, a thousand and one questions, and no definitive answers. They will find you. They have a wealth of unique experience.

Like others have said, contact Headway, their details can be found somewhere on this page, they are there to help, and will do their best for you and your family.

I wish you and your mother well.

[walkingtalking2]

Thoughts are with you, It must be extremely difficult to cope with, but you have the support of everyone here. I suppose I am on the other side of the coin from you, I am the one who experienced a BI and I know despite my families attempts that the change in me upsets them, I am able to live alone and am lucky to have been able to regain some things with practice and time but I live daily with the upset that I will never be who I was and able to do all I could. However, I still love my family like I did before the incident even if I don't always show it how I did before, I am grateful for every second spent with those I love and I know your mum will be too, even if she is not all you remember on the outside. I'm sorry I can't put words together better, speaking about any brain injury is very difficult for me and just the word brain is difficult for me to come to terms with. My thoughts are with you and best wishes for your mum.

[cat3]

It's so tough for families/friends looking for answers when a loved one suffers severe consequences of a brain injury. When someone we love dies we grieve and, with the passage of time, we begin adapting to life without them.

But when a loved one survives a brain injury, and is greatly changed by it, we're left in limbo and unsure how to grieve for the person we've always known.

Please phone the Headway helpline for advice on coping with your mum's long term issues and for help in coping with the emotional fallout. I'm so sorry for your troubles m'dear but I hope your mum's condition might improve somewhat with the passage of time.

The helpline number is 0808 800 2244 (free calls-office hours).

My best wishes for you and your lovely mum, Cat x