Sudden mood change .

[Exhaust]

My daughter 10 months on from her accident and doing ok according to the professionals. Her mood over the last week has nose dived . She is angry says "why me " what did I do so wrong " and continually says no one cares no one thinks of her she's a retard why don't we make her better the list is endless . We do care immensely she is part of a loving supportive family she has lots of great friend who have been there every step of the way . We luckily have support from the insurance co so therapy is in place (not sure it's helping tbh) . I am struggling to find answers for her ? Or maybe I shouldn't? Any advice

[Onedge93]

I don’t think there needs to be an answer to the “why me” etc. I think it’s a perfectly natural thing to think from time to time after something like this (not that it being natural makes it any less horrible to feel/think). I certainly think it occasionally since my fiancé’s accident.

The important thing is that she doesn’t get caught up in these thoughts and feelings. Is she having any counselling? I can also recommend mindfulness meditation, apps like headspace are very good. The idea behind it is to accept thoughts and feelings rather than push them away, and accept that they will pass (in a nutshell). If you google mindfulness, there is a lot of (early) research into its benefits. My fiancé’s therapists fully support him using it for these sorts of things, as well as for fatigue management.

Hope things get better for you.

[StrawberryCream]

Its part of the grief process that has to be gone through to hopefully move to some acceptance of her changed abilities and life. It is healthy that she is now at the angry stage. Initially she would have been numb about what had happened to her and in denial about the full impact. I remember this myself that initially I was so incredulous that I had survived the odds of being expected to not survive. It gave me a false sense of being upbeat that I had beaten the meningitis and was somewhat euphoric. However, months on the reality hit me and I went through all the anger and questioning that your daughter is. Not helped by people saying to me that I had done so well and should be grateful that I had survived and that I was now coping so well etc etc etc. Those comments were far from how I was feeling, and was at that time, that I wished I hadn't because I did not like myself or my life now, one bit!! Yes as her most loving and caring parent you are going to get the brunt of the anger expressed at you. Try to not take it to heart as if she means it because it is an important stage of the grief process that she needs to go through. It may seem at the moment that the therapy is not working, but it is because she has passed through the numbness and denial phases to now expressing her anger. That is healthy and she needs to be allowed to express it. With the grief process, if any of the stages aren't gone through it will be difficult for her to get to a place of greater acceptance of who she is now. It is the same process as grieving for someone who has died but for your daughter it is about the loss of who she was and her abilities, personality, life etc. I don't think you need to find answers for her but let her know you are listening and empathize with all she has gone through and what has happened. From my personal experience, do not try and tell her that she has done so well and what she is achieving now, compared to when she was first injured and fighting to survive in hospital etc etc. Repeat back some of what she is saying so that she knows you have heard what she is saying and understand how hard it must be for her. For me that was so much better than people making what I felt was crass comments about how well I was and doing now. The grief process can't be hurried as she needs to naturally go through the stages and it can take months and sometime even years. Your perspective will be somewhat different because you nearly lost your beautiful daughter and will be so relieved that she survived regardless of her changed abilities, however, you also will yourself will go through a grief process as well for the loss of the daughter that she was to who she is now. For you it maybe a lot of 'what if's' and guilt because maybe there was someway that if something different had happened that you could have prevented the accident from happening etc etc. It may be that at some point you will also need to have some counselling to help you with all you have been through. Try and stay strong for her and let her express her rage. My very best wishes to you and your daughter.

[Hidden in reply to StrawberryCream]

Spot on x

[Kirk5w7]

Hi,

Strawberry has said it all, i wont repeat i.

But i will say that some of that anger will always be there, i am angry deep down that i have to live with the new me now.

I have accepted whats happened and do get on with life because its what survivors do and we know there is no “why me”, we are just unlucky.

Your daughter will move forward but it may be a painful wait for you, just be there, thats what we as mothers do.

Janet x

[cat3]

Caroline (Strawberry) has said everything I would have said m'dear. Please take note of the bereavement point ; the stages of emotion after brain injury are exactly the same and your daughter needs encouragement and sympathy from you.

Leave the therapy to the counsellors. It's a long process but looks like you're doing everything possible for your girl's welfare. Best wishes to you both ; take some respite whenever you can………. xx

[sealiphone]

I don't think I've ever had a "Why me" moment but mine was congenital rather than a accident.

Lots of anger though and usually caused by other peoples best intentions, when they would say how lucky I was to survive, then there's all the misunderstanding about how well you're coping and no understanding of the difficulties that you do have.

For me someone saying "Well that messed up your life" is better than "Aren't you doing well".

It was around the 10 month stage when I was just beginning to feel significantly better but with that came the realisation that things weren't all back to normal and that was one of the most difficult times.

I had counseling which did help me to cope with all the frustration and ignore peoples ill thought out good intentions.