Needing advice

[lbuxton]

So my hubby has been home for weekend as due for discharge soon. He’s fine during day but when it’s time for me to give him his meds or ask him to do anything like cleaning teeth etc. He absolutely roars at me shouting why why why!!!!! I really try and be patient and understanding but I just end up in tears. I know it’s not him! It’s his brain injury! But I am really struggling. Anybody else had this and can offer me advice? Thanks

[Hidden]

It's very difficult isn't it. I find with my husband when he is tired at the end of the day, he gets worse. Can you try turning it into a game, would he go for that - give him his toothbrush and get yours at the same time and see who can make the best job of cleaning them. Make a nice drink without mentioning the pills and just before he goes to drink it, pop the pills in his hand without making a big thing about it, just say something like 'just swallow these and then we'll enjoy the drink better'. Don't know if it will work for you but it does for my household!

[lbuxton in reply to Hidden]

Thanks sounds good I will try this later! X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Treating a grown man like a child could make things worse. Has his brain injury made him child like?

[lbuxton in reply to Hidden]

Yes it has but I try and treat him as I normally would but quite often he doesn’t want to do things and he really shouts

[Hidden]

I’m sorry I’ve read it can do that. I always wanted to get back to me but then another part of me wanted to be looked after I still do sometimes. Get an alarm for tablet time so he knows there due I use my mobile for letting me know. Still annoys me but it might help him feel he has some control. X

[lbuxton in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. Good advice I will try that

[RogerCMerriman]

Is he like this at hospital? It could be Denial ie feeling that he’s fine and everything is back the way it was? Possibly chat with getting a alarm on his phone etc, so it’s him not you. Reminding him?

[lbuxton in reply to RogerCMerriman]

No he doesn’t shout at the nurses. Think it’s because he’s not used to me doing things for him at home. I think he is in denial. Thanks for the advice

[cat3]

It's fine for men to defer to nursing staff, as caring for patients, handing out pills and checking vitals etc. is their role. But you're his wife and he'll be struggling with his status as more dependant and with yours as 'carer'. It's less of an issue for women as they're not driven by Testosterone so are more likely to accept care & assistance as comforting.

Even though his memory has been affected by the hypoxia it's usually in the male DNA to be the protector/leader and he'll feel intuitively that he's not up to the mark. So I guess your man has a problem with being the vulnerable one when he's been previously competent.

It'll be hard for you when he's discharged I'm sure, but you need to grieve for the man you knew and take a step back whilst getting to know this new edition. And it'll be hard for him too, so give each other space whilst getting the hang of this different relationship. Maybe set out his tablets alongside meals without drawing attention to them ? I wonder whether he'd agree to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to give him insight into his anger towards you. Maybe speak to his consultant for advice on this before discharge........

Or phone the Headway helpline for support with anger management.

It's daunting for you m'dear ; remember we're always here ! Cat x

[lbuxton]

Thankyou Cat, really good advice x

[TaIaV]

Hi,

My husband has a lot of pills to take and other things that he needs to do regularly for his health. It helped a lot that he really likes doctor was very specific about when and how many times he had to do things each day/week (e.g. exercise, brain training computer program). That made it so that it was not me pushing it, but me helping him do what the doctor mandated. It still can be an issue when he forgets and I have to find a cheery way to remind him. Setting up a routine is very helpful. (He expects the glass of water and pills in a little bowl with each meal.) For me the key is doing these things that minimize me telling or nagging -- neither of us like the feeling of that. You will get there, I am sure. Good luck to you in this difficult transition time!

[lbuxton in reply to TaIaV]

Thankyou for this advice. Really useful

[davee]

I seem to remember that I was stubborn as a mule in hospital, but I very quickly got over that by reverting to how I was before. I know every case is different. My BI was ripped meninges and in hospital for nearly 12 weeks. The first stop on discharge was to go to see my friends. Maybe that was why I was so cranky in hospital. Since then I have had another 2 haemorrhages, and live alone and still go out even though I am now 64yrs old and live alone. Is it possible he could do the same? Dave x

[lbuxton in reply to davee]

Thanks for replying but my husband is going to need 24/7 care, he can’t really do much by himself.