Update

[Desperatemum]

My son fell 20 feet 7 weeks ago. He had large extradural haematoma and was in an induced coma for 10 days. The good news is that he's done really well since then and has now come home. I'm a bit sad because he has chosen to go to his Dad's house (were divorced) and his Dad is out at work all day. I worry about the lack of stimulation and supervision. He did really well when he was in rehab because of the structure and activities. I end up going over most days - but it can be difficult because it's not my house. He's lost the sight in his left eye and they're weaning him off anticonvulsants. I think he just needs a gentle eye keeping on him. Apparently I'm a control freak (although my ex told me that!) - but what mother isn't? By the way he's 20.

[razyheath43]

totally understand,and i think youre right stucture and routine are good,maybe you and youre husband could persuasde youre son to stay some time at youre house and some at his.glad to hear he is doing well

[Broken_Doll]

I agree with what razyheath says! Definately structure and routine (from my experiences) are 100% essential for recovery! I'm 1 year on and I can experience quite large setbacks if my routine gets disrupted, even now!

Where was your son living prior to his BI? I find my parents fuss too much and I find it overwhelming! (I know that's what great parents do) but I struggle, even now!

Please remember recovery takes time! He definately has youth on his side which is a definate advantage.. I was 33 and a total "gym bunny" and that quit possibly saved my life!

Wishing your son all the best!

Emma x

[Desperatemum in reply to Broken_Doll]

I'm sure I'm guilty of fussing too much - but as parent it is one of the worst things imaginable nearly losing your "child". He was a student in Brighton prior to this living in a rented house. He would flit between me and my ex husband when he wasn't at uni. He can't go back to his house yet - and the lease is up soon too, so he has to be with one of us. Lots of people have said structure and routine really help and I just worry so much that it can't be achieved if he is being left to his own devices. My divorce was very acrimonious so lots of mistrust around my ex husband and I too. I realise that's entirely my issue - but I don't believe a word my ex says any more. Plus he has absolutely NO common sense either!

[Laura64]

Hi, just want to say that firstly, you are not a control freak but an anxious loving mum who wants the best for her boy and so don't underestimate how important and powerful your love and support is. These things are essential to your son finding strength and confidence throughout his recovery.

I also wondered whether your son had been offered any community rehab opportunities? Perhaps this is a way of providing some continued structure for at least part of the time.

Finally I speak not as someone with a BI but as a mother of a 20 year old who is in a neuro-rehab unit - I fuss and fret and drive my son mad, despite my best intentions to do otherwise - needless to say, I feel your pain. Stay strong and thank you for giving me the opportunity to do something vaguely constructive today in terms of replying to your post.

[Desperatemum in reply to Laura64]

He's only been home a week. He was visited yesterday for the first time by the community neuro rehab team who did an assessment. One of the problems is that he has transferred areas so the hospital didn't know what was available in either of our areas. I live in a different health district to my ex. I do have the contact details of a private neuro rehab team - have held off contacting them because of the worry over expense - but if nothing much is forthcoming may well go down that route and the advantage to that would be that it doesn't matter whose house he is then at. It's so lovely to hear from someone in a similar situation. I hope your son is making progress - and I think by visiting your son and fussing and fretting is also constructive. You are there for him and that's what is important. You are hardest on those closest to you because you know they are a constant in your life. Stay strong x

[Broken_Doll]

Desperatemum

I'm sorry if I offended in anyway..was trying to communicate what your son is probably feeling, I'm not 20 but I am still "relatively young" at 30 something! My whole world was turned upside down the night I went sleepwalking and fell (I will never know what happened), I was found unconscious on the bathroom floor!

My accident was in May of last year, I was to to commence uni in the September to study operating department practice (theatre nursing).. 6 months prior to that I was flitting between starting a family & going to uni.. I chose the latter.. Now I'm faced with quite possibly having neither!

I don't know what areas of your sons brain were injured, but in my case it was pretty much all!

Again I'm sorry if what I wrote was hard to hear but this is the thing.. BI can cause communication problems and for me.. I seem to have lost tact..

I really wish him the very best & if I can be of any help at all ever, just message me

Emma x

[Desperatemum in reply to Broken_Doll]

You haven't offended me in any way, and it was really nice to hear from someone with a personal point of view. BI turns lives upside down and both the person and their family have to adjust. I'm sure I do fuss too much over my son - but maternal instinct just wants you to wrap them in cotton wool and never let anything bad happen to them ever again.

My son has damaged his frontal lobe. Because its such early days no one knows exactly where he's going to end up - but he is definitely improving all the time. However I suppose we are all going to have to accept he's never going to be totally the same ever again. Thats hard for everyone.

So are you know a year post injury?

Jo x

[malalatete]

Could your son be encouraged to keep some kind of journal? Although my illness was completely different one of the most helpful things I did rehab wise was maintain an activity journal which showed me that I definitely had limits, and was rather prone to exceed them! Not saying that I don't still do exactly that but these days when symptoms rise I have a pretty good idea why.