5 years on from daughters tbi and I've got ptsd. Does it honestly ever get easier?

[ifwisheswerefishes]

[Kirk5w7]

Supposedlyxxxxxxx

[ifwisheswerefishes]

Haha! That's pretty much my expectation too. Given myself a good talking to and drowned my self pity in a lot of tea and held it under with cake.

Thank you for replying!

It's been a long week! Xx

[Hidden in reply to ifwisheswerefishes]

I think I am also suffering from pts. My daughter was in a bad car accident a year ago last week and I cannot get it out of my head. Every waking moment I re-live the events of that awfulness evening and don't seem to be able to get any peace on this. I too have spent all night crying and feeling sorry for myself. Whilst she has made a remarkable recovery and I know that I should be feeling ecstatic about that I just don't seem to be able to move on from it. Sorry for moaning

[ifwisheswerefishes]

You are not moaning!! I'm trapped too.

I don't know where to start to explain how I feel. My head is a jumble of bits of memories. I think I've been in shock for a very long time. I don't want the numbness to end. It hurts so much. I've been 'strong' for so long that I feel all used up and my defences have crumbled.

I have nightmares, not always about the accident, but usually my kids and some sort of terrible survival thing. Sometimes I wake up crying.

Like you I relive the accident over and over. It takes up so much room in my head that I can't do other things. Can't tell others about it though. Can't add to their hurt.

Guilt is massive. I'm so caught up in my own head that I'm not doing all I could for my family.

I think I'm grieving for the missing bits of my daughter. Her personality changed so much. Saying that out loud wouldn't be acceptable though. We have to be grateful that she is here at all.

I hope that now I'm admitting to these feelings it will begin to subside.

Have you told your gp? Apparently there is an eye movement treatment (emdr) which is very effective for ptsd. I don't understand how it works but it sounds like a brain defrag. By moving your eyes a certain way while thinking of a memory it relocates the memory from a present to a past event. Sounds crazy but worth a go.

Be kind to yourself!

Kim. Xx

[Kirk5w7]

Interesting, I'm going to ask my GP for referral for counselling, I'm the one that had the illness but I can't let go don't know if I ever will, cos I have to live with consequences and limitations of the new me every day,sod being grateful for still being here I think we're all a little too correct at times. Perhaps a counsellor can help me see the good things outweigh the bad, I know they do , but I'd love to be able to get up and go again!!!!!! Take care, these thoughts don't surface all the time, I think it's cos I've hit that beguiling 2 year mark and guess what?,what I knew all along, nothing has changed, if anything I'm slightly worse than I was in rehab, probably cos I have to deal with the real world now!!!

Sorry Janet xxx

[ifwisheswerefishes]

Knowing what I do now I wish I'd gone for counselling. I think if you're wondering about it, it's probably a good idea. I didn't want to go. Hated the thought of being unravelled. It wouldn't help anyone if I went to pieces. Ironically now I can see that it would be beneficial, there is a waiting list. 4 to 6 months.

The accident didn't happen to me but my daughter is still only 8. She doesn't know that she's a bit different. She's a beautiful, happy, loving child. She's singing as she plays in her room right now.

I'm the one who's frustrated by her limitations. Every thing she does, from trying to get dressed to brushing her teeth I can see and feel the unfairness that it is hard for her. Even holding hands I can feel the lack of muscle tone in her hand. Just about everything she does breaks my heart.

I'm so scared for her. I can't imagine a future for her anymore. Outwardly she looks normal but she can't tell a number 5 from a sausage... I need to get some perspective back and find out some practical ways to help her... I just need to stop crying first.

[julieljs]

I can relate to you situation so much. 2 of my children were involved in a serious car accident nearly 18 months ago, both sustained brain injuries. Physically they both look very well, but thats not the true story. Sophie is now 10, she is struggling so much at school. she had frontal lobe damage, so her personality and behavior has changed so much. I get so bitter and angry when i see how much her mental age has declined, she is a totally different child, i would love to have the old Sophie back. Jack is now 12, he had swelling to the brain, and to save his life had to remove 2 large areas of his skull. Jack is also a totally different child. He was very bright before the accident and he has kept all that knowledge, but school is still a daily challenge, he forgets his homework, reading books, which never happened before. In September Jack moves on to a large Secondary school, which is going to be a big step and more worry. I worry so much about the future of these 2 children, and get very angry and upset when think to much. I would do anything to have my old children back xx

[sister12]

I can relate to you ladies, in part anyway. I was diagnosed with incurable leukaemia and an inoperable brain aneurysm around the time my 20 year old daughter was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The worry and pain I feel for my daughter and her future far outweighs the fear for myself. My husband died when the children were small, so have had no local support system around me. I can't offer any words of wisdom I'm afraid, but I wish you all the best and hope you can find the strength to cope with everything. I think the fact that Headway has this support system for people to keep in touch and air their grief and worries, goes a long way to helping you all get through the difficult days. Believe in your own abilities, they are still there under the surface. Love to you all and your lovely children. xx

[ifwisheswerefishes]

I feel for you both so much! To see both children affected Julie, must be agony.

Being a Mam it's so natural to anticipate the next step. To try and pave the way a bit.This brain injury thing really does limit you to one day at a time. Maybe because we have to look further than that is the reason it hurts so much.

High school is a worry. My eldest is picking his GCSE subjects and the middle one moves up next September. Cannot even begin to imagine Rosie doing the same. But I know I have to. I'm hoping there is some fabulous support network that I don't know about, failing that a miracle phone app that could get her from A to B with the right books.

Sister12, our babies will always hold our biggest hopes and fears. I don't have any family and few friends either. You're right, maybe this forum will do me good. I wish I had wise words to share with you too. I do know we are all capable of so much more than we ever imagined (as long as we get enough sleep!) So let's dig deep, hitch our britches and see what tomorrow brings.

Big Love to you all. Xx

[SAMBS]

I can only say how sad it all is for everyone here on this forum link. I had my TBI one year ago next week - but won't go into that or effects now - some of you know my history already, but I do genuinely feel and care for you all - certainly, 'ifwisheswerefishes' we wouldn't be here now, any of us.

But even if we can't say or do much that's constructive right now - its good that we are here for each other, because its better and less destructive if we keep talking it out of our heads, which I hope offers comfort even if not solutions. Shirley - love to you all xxxx

[Aelfwyn]

Just sending love and support to each of you dealing with unfair life-changing awfulness.

Talking to people who can understand helps. E.g. here on the Headway forum, or to a counsellor (I got counselling for PTS from an NHS psychologist and it pretty much saved my life). It helps to vent to people who are not your family and not so emotionally involved.

You know what Churchill famously said: 'Keep b***ering on'!