Have problems of partner understanding the importance of cross contamination. Has caused me illness, and other health issues.

[Anita66]

Hi everyone, does anybody else have trouble with their other half understanding about cross contamination when preparing food, making sandwiches,cooking etc and washing up after. Have had a lot of illness through this, and it has help contribute to other health issues. I have explained about it making me poorly, does anyone have any suggestions of ideas to maybe better explain, thanks.

[Mia1057]

I had this for a long time, now I have a separate cupboards, separate boards. Knives, pans and section of the kitchen.

[FionaGFG Administrator]

It can be very hard. I think the best way to deal with it is to take control as Mia says e.g. different colour cooking utensils/ knives/ chopping boards/ separate toaster etc. Perhaps the palarva of doing so will make your partner see how a small effort from them can make life simpler instead of having extra stuff in the kitchen. Generally people are just clueless and due to habit it's hard for them to remember to wipe up their crumbs, use a separate knife etc. Removing those barriers and saying - ok this is my tea towel, toaster etc often simplifies things. Another tactic I use especially in mixed used households is to place my stuff on separate shelves i.e. if my spread is normally on the top fridge shelf I'll move it to the bottom so there's less chance of any tired (or drunken) eyes diving into mine by mistake. I've also been known to label/ sticker my spread/ items so that it's a visual prompt not to use mine by mistake. You could sticker up any items containing gluten so they don't use them to cook with them. At least initially that is a good reminder.

Only you know your partner well. If you feel it's lack of knowledge - then you could google some good coeliac youtube videos and get them to watch one of them especially ref how one breadcrumb can make you ill. If it's habit then that will take at least 3 weeks to re-train them to avoid contaminating you. If it's laziness - then it's a tough job. Short of having a totally gluten free house or taking over all the cooking (who wants to do that?) the best solution is separating your utensils/ spreads/ etc.

[Anita66 in reply to FionaGFG]

Been together 12 years and have separate things, utensils, cupboards for food spreads etc on a different shelf in fridge, but i still think he has trouble with understanding how even a very small ammount can cause me to feel ill. I think he thinks im just overly sensitive about it. It has caused tension sometimes,I shall definitely look on YouTube, for articles. Thanks for the idea of labels.

[Liana]

If I cook...everyone eats gluten free. My husband loves me enough to want me to be well. I make sure there are seaprate cooking spaces and separate butter dishes etc. I have even been known to get nasty about it. My health isn't anything I fool around with and no one else in my household better either! You know the sogan ... happy wife, happy life! Get nasty if they ignore your needs ... for some unpleasant reason they seem to know you're not joking any more and take it seriously. This is really serious stuff and a simple matter of respect and courtesy. Insist on it.

[Anita66 in reply to Liana]

I did try cooking sometimes gluten free, but he does not always want to do that, which makes things a bit difficult. So tend to cook separately, especially after I was severely Ill with problems, and ended up losing a lot of weight. Perhaps I will have to try being a bit unpleasant, he does not say much,so I do wonder about the simple matter of respect and courtesy and whether he really gets how important it is to me.

[Liana in reply to Anita66]

I am so sorry you are experiencing so many difficulties. I know it's a challenge to just go forward each day. My dear 90 year old mother came to live with us 2 years ago and I know it's been difficult for her to understand. She is finally aware of the butter dishes and always asks which one she can use, even if she no longer remembers herself. It does take time and patience with those who do not suffer and have difficulty understanding. My sweet husband has gone gluten free to keep me company. I know the whole cross contamination thing can be extremely frustrating... you have my sympathy.

[Anita66 in reply to Liana]

Thank you.

[Hidden]

buy as much stuff GF as possible so it limits the food to watch out for, i also label my stuff "mums Gluten Free" , i dont think most people do it on purpose it just takes a while to get the hang of it, i tend to do most of the cooking and i always do everybody GF its not as hard or restrictive as i once first thought, good luck i hope you manage to sort this and that you start to feel well again

Paula

[Hidden]

Anita66, download some info from coeliac uk about the implications to your health from cross contamination. They have lots on there. If he sees it written down in print he may just believe that you aren't making a fuss. Have you been diagnosed long? If you're fairly recent then he may not understand, you could always take him along when you go for your checkup with your consultant and get him to explain it all to him.

Otherwise you could try the other tactic and make the whole home gluten free and refuse to have any other type of food in the home. Good luck x

[Anita66]

Hi, I will try and download some bits from coeliac uk websibte and see what he makes of it?.. I have been diagnosed since a baby, when I was weened ( I hope I spelt that right ) so I know what to look out for and what I need. I never have a regular check up with a consultant. How do I go about getting that??.. I did see a dietition beginning of the year as I was just 71/2 stone, and have struggled to get to over eight stone. They then lost interest and did not want to see me anymore?.

I think if I said about making the house gluten free, I think he would have a fit.. Lol! Don't think he would do that, he likes normal food too much... I think he would refuse.

[Strawb]

We've had a couple of mishaps. Pure mistakes and hubbie was absolutely mortified when he realized what he'd done.

We used to label my food, but now as a joke he labels his margarine and things instead (mainly because there is less of it).....he tends to write 'edible' or 'not for girls' on it to tease me. Suits our sense of fun, and helps him to avoid making me feel icky.

My advice would be to buy him some post-it notes and a big black marker!

[Hidden in reply to Strawb]

I did the same,bought my own spread and put the label mum's on it and told my son to use a clean spoon for the mayonnaise and not his knife or fork.

Separate peanut butter and jam s also as spoons tend to be forgotten about for those.

I can imagine the things I would get on labels if I left it to the boyfriend to write them,'Mum can't eat this cause her head will explode' I bet would be one.

It's nice that you're husband is so caring,I get jokes about what size my head may swell to if i just look at something.

But micky taking is a constant harmless thing with everyone in my family,I do a fair share.

[Anita66]

I will give that a try, and if I'm successful, I will let you know. : )

[deltauk in reply to Anita66]

Hi Anita,

I'm self diagnosed as my tests got lost and after being Gluten free for months, they asked me to go back to gluten- said no, so they wouldn't entertain me, I'm also border osteoporosis and also seemed to need food on reg basis or hit the deck with low blood sugar or something.

I just wanted to give you some info on how it went for me and how I am now.

For years I was married to a stubborn 'sort' who, if he was cooking would have us wait like 6hrs and want a standing ovation when it was cooked - problem was I would feel ill by the time it was cooked through low blood sugar.

I'd nip and pinch a biscuit (gluten) and feel more ill. Not saying it was all his fault but he certainly knew I had to eat regular and did not care , so long as we all applauded his 2-3 yearly meals.

Me and H separated - I am now off gluten , eat regularly, feel great.

my weight increased, I got a great pair of - cough cough - boobs, hips the lot. through my weight increase and also my face has filled out. I look great and I get told i look great since being away from him.

I live with my son - who has NOOO!!! problems in being mostly gluten free, he's not a kid either, he's late 20's, he finds me great meals that are gluten free. He's no mummies boy either, but he just doesn't see a prob, we only have sep bread bins, well he has a bread bin for his biscuits and i put mine in a shelf in cupbaord.

I have a bf who laughs at it but goes with it - no problem

And we're all happy.

Show your partner this ask exactly what is the problem - his making not yours Anita.

Sorry

Take care XXXX

[Anita66 in reply to deltauk]

Thanks for the glimpse in what you went through and how you have become much better in every aspect of your life, how you feel and your body. I occasionally look or see pictures of myself before my husband and to be honest I looked healthier before. Although their has been other pressures caring for my mum over night who is bedridden, which is shared, and the passing of my dad. Which I had to deal with on my own, which did not help my condition at all. And because of the undiagnosed osteoporosis I got a compression fracture of the spine which once again I had to help myself. With all this, it has not helped my immune system. And like you I do need to snack often, to keep me ticking along till the next meal. This is my second attempt at marriage and I suppose I have wanted to try every avenue before calling and end to it. Thank you again for sharing. You sound like you have a understanding son and bf, which makes you all happy. : ) x

[deltauk in reply to Anita66]

Anita,

I'm so sorry, looking back at my post I seem harsh, I really do not mean to. Reading your reply reminds me so much of myself, i.e. looking back at photos etc.

When I look back at mine i look terrible. My separation took many attempts over years and i wanted to stay - in the end his selfishness and my poor health - I could not cope in the end.

Getting back on track with my health, wasn't hard - it came quickly, I love my Doves Farm Buckwheat every morning, sets me up for the day, and then it's just meat,chicken, fish, with salads chips rice, or corm pasta or stir fries, currys, I've never ate better also i do not have as many blood sugar probs now either.

I think because I'm healing I digest better whereas before - pardon this, but it went in and out and did no good in-between.

Anita doesn't matter how many attempts you have at anything - getting there is the main thing. My marriage was a sham i now realise and i failed staying in it, not leaving it. I failed me, my health, my son, my friends!

I'm so happy now - I've lost 2 homes a car, and more but yet my health is back, my friends laugh and say they can't beleive what I've been through and look great.

No ones saying leave your H, but he really should appreciate this condition can be miserable and ruin everyday until you get it under wraps.

It shouldn't be hard for him to understand that. Try again and explain it to him on what it does to you.

Take care hun x

[Anita66 in reply to deltauk]

Thanks for what you said, I did understand what you meant before, it's ok. I think I am not being firm enough, and I fail myself, by not doing that. : )

I am interested in that you eat curry's, do you make them yourself from scratch. If so, could you give me a recipe? If you buy them, which ones do you buy?..

I know what you mean about having the bristle brush effect, I have had plenty of experience that... Lol! : )

I think he listens, but that's about as far as we have got. He tries in his own way. But that's about it.

[deltauk in reply to Anita66]

Hi Anita

Pataks do Gluten free curry sauce and paste.

For cheapness i sometimes buy the paste and cook chicken in it - add water and done.

or I cook chicken pieces add tumeric, chilli etc, curry spices and coconut creamed sachet, then some water.

I always use wholegrain rice (uncle bens) white rice has too much starch in, but still i run hot water through rice after to clear any starch off.

I use Dove Farm Corn pasta. lots of salad leaves I grow on my balcony.

I also always use red skin potatoes as i heard white have something in them, can't rem what, but i was not good on them - red i'm fine.

Salmon , jacket potato and salad.

Then just simple steak n chips too -

Also i use lactose free milk - my son drinks it too no probs, and my tum settles a lot after that also.

Take care - hope i've helped

xx

[deltauk in reply to deltauk]

ps, as said Doves Farm Buckwheat Cereal is my savour every morning too.

[Anita66 in reply to deltauk]

Thanks for the recipe, will look out for them when I next go shopping.x

[FionaGFG Administrator]

I wish you luck Anita it seems you are dealing with a stubborn one who won't eat your GF food, doesn't want much GF food in the house and isn't concerned about making you ill. Sad to see some partners can behave like that.

You need to see your GP and ask about yearly check ups & meetings with the dietititan. Even if you are short 7.5 stone is very very low body weight.

[Anita66]

Hi Fiona

Yes it is hard and I wonder how best to deal with it, I am seriously considering what's best in the long term... Whether to keep at it or rethink whether to stay together.

I am off to the docs on Friday, I will see if I can get any joy then. I have asked before about annual check ups and he is a bit reluctant. I have various health issues, which I like to keep an eye on.

My height is 5"7 and just over 8 stone so still underweight a bit.

I would like to hear any males perspective on this, if any read these Q & A, just to balance things out a bit aswell. Thanks.

Anita.

[Hidden]

Hi Anita, im so sad to hear you are going through this ontop of feeling unwell, can you cook gluten free without him knowing i.e jacket potatoes, rice and chicken and naturally GF sauce, things he wont pick up on cause they are not from the free from range? just a thought x

[Anita66 in reply to Hidden]

I think he simply does not want to eat what I eat. have tried for a long time to try but have just decided to leave that topic alone. It does not get me anywhere.

[meanioni]

It is a difficult situation and one that I cannot directly relate to as I would never treat my wife that way. Indeed she suffers intolerances to gluten, milk, artificial sweeteners and tartrazine.

I think you have to be honest and blunt with your other half - the reality is that coeliac disease is a serious, life threatening illness that in the short term will cause illness and issues like nutritional deficiencies and osteoporosis and longer term could give you bowel cancer.

You have to look after your health and need to start ear-marking safe zones in the kitchen.

I started (before she got some of these intolerances) insisting on my own toaster and margarine. This helped.

I didn't stop her eating dodgy foods, just made it clear that I would not be eating them. Over time we came to a compromise where, if we were making dinner for people, we would use GF pasta, etc.

Anyway in the last year she has discovered she also has intolerances so the house is now gluten free which is bad in some ways, but makes life much easier in others.

The only other thing I can suggest is showing him some comments from here so he can see that you are not alone in having a serious dietary condition.

If he still doesn't care you need to think about what's important to you.

[Anita66 in reply to meanioni]

Thanks for your advice and comments, I have to be gluten, wheat, and lactose free and recently have found I have osteoporosis, and scoliosis of the spine, because of it, and a few other problems. So I do find things difficult. And I do tend to be very careful what I eat and how I prepare it. I wonder whether he understands how serious the condition can be!?! I don't want to feel paranoid about it! but I do want it to be easier. And the thought of explaining to somebody new, is to be honest, a bit of a worry that they would think that's all too much trouble... : ). Well I'll just have to plug on a bit longer, and see how it goes. Thanks again.

[Liana in reply to Anita66]

I have multiple health issues...gluten and lactose are just the tip... I was forced to separate from my last husband. It was just easier to be on my own, as sick as I was. After 4 years, I met my current husband. He loves me just the way I am: short, full figured, crippled with arthritis and fibromyalgia, IBS, thyroid disease, multiple food, drug and environmental allergies, just to name a few. People told me I would always be alone. How wrong they were! I found my perfect partner and we've been married 6 years. My kids and grandkids love him. He makes my life a joy in spite of all my challenges. Please ... don't ever think that you would be too much trouble. You won't be ...to the right person. If they think it's too much trouble, they're simply not the right one for you.

[Anita66 in reply to Liana]

Your message made me feel a bit choked/ tearful, but I think your right. Thanks liana.

[Mia1057]

I do 90% of the cooking in the house so all the main meals are GF although I do boil hubby's pasta separately as he can't stand GF pasta and I make him non GF bread in his bread maker. Everything else is GF and 98% non processed food of any kind. I dont think he sees any difference in the food he eats as a result. He even eats my GF cereal and I make him GF fish and chips occasionally as a treat. He has become more observant than I am and will always check labels and speak to restaurants before we go, although these days I only go to local ones that we know well. I always get glutened in the chains.

[Hidden]

Yes had this argument only yesturday about crumbs not being cleaned up and how even a trace affects me.

I already had my flour in a separate cupboard to stop contamination for a few years now but now I have an area where is for me to prepare my food and I still clean it before using just in case and have a whole cupboard just for me now.

Anything I may eat such as spices and herbs are in jars instead of packets that they are sold in and the same for any product that is in a packet where possible I have placed them in containers,I wash any food that is washable before preparing and I to have realised I now need to buy utensiles that I alone will use cause I find myself rewashing everything far to many times to the point of getting stressed over it.

When it comes to washing up dishwashers are a much better way to know things are clean as they drain the water out and rinse so they haven't been in contaminated water,and if you find other people tend to me to make you ill cause of little things I would suggest that you unload the dish washer and put the items away as the other people may not thing to wash their hands before hand and may place them on uncleaned surfaces making them contaminated again.

I cook the main meals in the house so If I fall ill it tends to be my own fault and I'm likely to know what did it.

[Anita66 in reply to Hidden]

I would love to have a dishwasher, I think it would make things easier.

He does not cook for me because quite a few times I felt rough after, so decided to say thanks but I'll just cook mine, then he can do his, or visa versa. Since then meals are staggered, but like you, if I have a problem, I can only blame myself. Which in the end causes less tension all round.

[Hidden in reply to Anita66]

I've only had a dishwasher for a year but I'm so please I have.

They are getting cheaper and much less stress and worry if you can get one.

Mine came from john lewis and got 5yrs cover on repairs in total.

Hope things get better for you and you've found everyones comments helpful,it's horrible feeling ill al the time and the others around you never realise how it feels...you can garantee if they where experiancing what we all are they would soon be complaining.

[jan44]

I am so sorry to hear of the problems you are having with trying to avoid gluten contamination. My husband is normally quite understanding but unfortunately not when his daughter was making gluten containing cake in my kitchen last night. Am now about to rewash everything I can think of that was used last night especially as I could see the cake mixture floating at the top of the washing up bowl. Scrub all the surfaces and probably wash up everything in the 2 cutlery drawers what a waste of my time but I have to do it. This coeliac lark puts a lot of strain on everyones life in the household so I have every sympathy with you if you have to endure this sort of contamination on a daily basis. I wouldn't have the time or energy to deal with this type of scenario every day. The average non coeliac including my GP who is happy to lecture me on the virtues of the gluten free diet but admitted he couldn't adhere to the separate toaster rule just doesn't get it and how hard it is to manage a coeliac lifestyle on a daily basis. I hope you able to find a solution soon.

Jan x

[Anita66 in reply to jan44]

I think if your partner is with you all the way, eats the same as you, it would be brilliant. All I could ask for realy, make life a lot easier!!..

[Silvano]

My ex just thought I was being overly fussy and paranoid so we kept things on the same shelves and lots of cross contamination going on and it didnlt seem to do me any harm although he is now my ex for other reasons as well!!

[Silvano]

By the way I still dont have a separate toaster or bread board or pans from my 15 yr old Son and feel fine. Sometimes I think maybe we can get to paranoid re our Coeliac Disease.

[FionaGFG Administrator]

Anita + others - my first response is come on - we're in the 21st Century - we don't need to view this as a male vs female issue nor do all women need to do all the cooking and cleaning at home any more. Partners means just that - partners in life, love, illness etc.

Yes having a dishwasher can make life easier - but not if the burden of loading it, checking it and unloading it always falls to you as well.

Anita - can you post up what your typical weekly meal plan would look like?

I'm curious. We all know that most Free From food is not necessarily great tasting but there's plenty of things that can be made naturally GF that taste great.

Are you cooking food from scratch or eating Free From food i.e. what is it that he objects to so much?

I'm sure we can all offer good ideas so that you can have some meals together that are enjoyable.

[Anita66 in reply to FionaGFG]

I am running out of time I think today, but I will put up roughly what I eat when I next come online. It will be interesting to hear your ideas. And to give variation to what I eat.

[FionaGFG Administrator]

Great look forward to it.

[Mia1057]

I agree with Fiona plus I can't imagine having staggered meals. Eating is part of our daily conversations and most of our meals are naturally GF, fruit, veg, meat, potatoes, rice, fish, eggs and cheese, the extent of our separate parts is he my non cd hubby has a board an area for cutting bread and a pot and collander for his pasta and a cupboard for his bread flour and his pastas and his occassional biscuits. So the kitchen is GF except for a small area for him. An example is the other night I made GF cheese sauce we boiled two pots for pasta one for GF and one non gf. I drained mine in my colander put in my dish and added cheese sauce mixed through (we have a dishwasher) I boiled his,timed it,strained it in his colander put it in his dish and added cheese sauce on top two bowls of macaroni cheese.( If there was any cross contamination it was from the gf to the non gf) we ate it with a tomato and onion salad followed by fruit. Everything goes straight in the dishwasher.

[Hidden in reply to Mia1057]

We need a like button,it's the same here colander wise and if lasange is made i make a gf white sauce to go on the different meals so the pasta and the meat is the only difference and on one thinks the gf sauce tastes different at all.

[coyb]

My daughter received her diagnosis about two months ago, we are now as a family pretty much gluten free. She eats GF bread occasionally she does not really like it yet and we keep to 'normal' bread but apart from that I find it easier if we all try to eat the same as her. We have two other children and they understand the importance of cross contamination. I have found that often it just means switching brands for things like pasta and curry sauces or ideally if time allows making from scratch, Thai curry, stir fries (rice noodles of course!), fish pie, cottage pie are easily made GF and taste no different at all.

I have started doing online grocery shopping at Waitrose as their gluten free shop just makes the whole thing easier and less time consuming.

I recently saw a photo of her prior to her diagnosis and was shocked how poorly she looked compared to her now - whatever inconvenience it is it is all worth it.

Hope it all gets resolved soon for you xx

[FionaGFG Administrator]

Hi Anita - have you got a rough list of what you typically eat in a week?