Everyone hates me :(

Feeling so sorry for myself right now, has anyone else become distant from loved ones since becoming ill ? I had a falling out with my parents on Christmas day and haven't seen them since , I have one sister who I have no contact with,i have one of my four daughters who is 19 still living at home the sad thing is she hates me I can't talk to her without it turning into a row I usually talk via txt. My husband like me doesn't keep good health we have been married nearly 30years but we just don't get on we bicker and row all the time we just try and avoid each other now I even sleep in the spare room. All my friends have disappeared I feel so sad and alone right now I also live with chronic wide spread pain every day as well as fibro/me,hypermobility,cervical and lumber spondilis,ibs,arthritis in knees and fingers this is to name but a few, I'm so sorry to waffle on but had to share how I feel.take care all joanne x

17 Replies

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  • Hi Joanne. I can guarantee that no everyone hates you - it's just that when there are a problems with a few people it suddenly feels as though everyone in your life is against you. I know exactly how you feel right now and it's not good, but you have to remember that you won't always feel like this. Much love to you, Becky x

  • Thank you for your kind words joanne x

  • i am so sorry Joanne, My daughter seems to have many of your problems and just had a thyroidectomy. Ones nearest relatives often bear the problems with you, I must admit I get a bit frustrated after hearing my daughter say the same thing daily and this has gone on for 5 years now. I guess we have to have patience and love for one another. Illness is very hard to cope with.

    I am coeliac , but love reading so I have always had something I love doing when I don't have energy or feel so well, but you have way more problems than I have. Just keep sharing with us all when you feel really low maybe that will help a little.

  • Ive been posting for several years but I may not ever again after the very unkind post from a certain individual this has made me so sad I thought we were on here to support each other thank you for your reply joanne x

  • I hear you, I feel like this too. Everyone else seems to have love and support and I feel as though I just get rolled eyes from everyone. Big hugs.

  • Sorry to hear of your problems, but have you heard the saying "laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone"? It may not be fair and just but I think it is true. Even though you may not feel like it, try smiling more often and watch the response of others. My experience is if you smile, others smile back and you get a boost which makes the next smile easier. Thinking of you. 😃

  • I remember having similar feelings when I was at my most ill. When your physically ill and in pain everything builds up and up. I think people around you don't quite know what to do, but it doesn't mean they don't care. Most families have their problems in relationships, I can't think of any that don't, but when you're ill and suffering everything can feel overwhelming. Don't loose hope though. It may be you're having a tough time now but things could be better soon. Have you tried any alternative therapies. When I was particularly ill I spent weeks and months researching treatments to work alongside my medication. I did the paleo autoimmune diet along with other things that helped. I've reintroduced a lot of foods now but if I eat the wrong thing my pain soon flares up. I have gone from being almost house bound to pretty well and thinking of returning to work which I never thought would be possible. Don't loose hope and good luck

  • I have just tried some pro-argent powders that my daughters partner is promoting unfortunately they didn't help but I'm open to trying anything I won't stop searching thanks joanne x

  • Is it only since you have been ill that you have had issues with your family? If so do you think it is because they don't really understand your illnesses and how they affect you?

    Sorry for being so direct and tell me to get lost but do you and your husband still love each other? If so can you work things out? If not is it time to remove that stress from your life?

  • Hi Joanne When you feel ill constantly, it is hard to get on with people. Pain is the prominent feeling. I have recently lost my beloved son and I would give anything for one more hour with him. Try to explain to your loved ones how you feel and try to see their point of view. There is usually a fifty _fifty side to most arguments.

  • I'm sorry for your loss x

  • Thank you.

  • Helen Keller said " I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet" Whenever I feel down and a little sorry for myself I remember this quote my mother used. So sorry your having a tough time but you are blessed with a husband and four children. Life is too too short to be so unhappy. Make the first move to re connect with your loved ones and they might surprise you! Best of luck.

  • Oh Joanne:( I just read your post and the subsequent replies. Everything seems to feel so personal when we are in pain and tired. I have been there, I understand, as most people do. At the moment you feel as if nothing is ever going to get better. Just take one day at a time love. I bickered with my Husband a lot, if you cant "let it out" with the ones who love you unconditionally, who can you let go with? ! And I understand you moving in to the spare room, it avoids arguments, which you obviously cant cope with right now and you also must be in pain when you try to sleep anyway, that in itself must be hard!

    A 19 year old Daughter who hates you? Surely that's normal :) I have a 22 year old Son, I think we are coming out of the phase of hating Mum :) Its hurtful though isn't it?

    We all fall out with our Parents from time to time. It gets harder as they and we get older, so much more to take on, at the same time as dealing with yourself, your Husband and your children.

    You ARE doing well, everything has come in on you all at once, you are floundering at the moment and think it will never get any better. Just try to deal with one thing at a time. Don't beat yourself up about any of it.

    I have read some very interesting articles online lately about relationships, especially in long term marriage. I learnt a hell of a lot and it made me feel better that I was normal. It also showed me where I was going wrong and how just changing a few things can help. I have been married 34 years! If we can stay married for 30 years and more, we must have done something right :) Google about relationships, it really was helpful and interesting especially if you don't know how or what to do to turn things around with Hubby.

    Illness DOES affect whole families, it's bound too, everything has changed and your lives need to be re-arranged so you can all cope with the changes. Not an easy task by any means!

    Take care my lovely, hang on in there, look after yourself, make YOURSELF as well as you can be and then you will have more strength to sort all this out bit by bit.

    Michelle X

  • Thank you for your kind reply x

  • There are some really great replies up there. It is very common when you are experiencing regular chronic pain to feel anxious and depressed. Have a look on NHS website at some early signs of depression - worrying, feeling alone or isolating yourself, being short-tempered etc. You might just need a bit of help from the sounds of it. There is really good CBT out there if you go to your doctor and you don't have to take more medication then. You are not on your own though - well done for taking first steps and reaching out.

  • I had a few issues similarly to you a few years back. I was accused of ruining Christmas and breaking us the family all because my husband and I adopted the wrong type of dog..... yes it's true! This pouring of hate came after a rough year mentally and physically wise. I had a disc rupture and the usual clean up op left me unable to go back to work as a teacher. The same year, we moved house and one of our cats died.

    My mother and sister were livid that we decided to adopt this dog without their say so. It left me empty inside, and unable to talk my parents and sister as they were too anti animal.

    4 years later, a serious bout of counselling and anti depressants and I'm a different person! Xxx

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