Sudden Personality Changes

[WN20]

When I thought my wife had experienced most things this dam tumour could throw at her, last night and this morning she experienced a sudden change in personality. Her speech is now very bad but suddenly she hates me, doesn’t trust me, I am a liar and she doesn’t love me any more. I know it’s not her but it hit me for six. As anyone experienced these sudden changes in personality? I tried to reassure her but to no avail. Fortunately this morning she has reverted and is calm. Any advice on techniques to deal with this situation would be gratefully received.

[15773]

Gosh, that is so hard on you, really sorry to hear. I can't help on personality change, other than to say, important to understand what's causing it.

We have experienced my husband talking nonsense, forgetting his words, not being able to read and getting frustrated just after surgery. This was caused by swelling and he was prescribed steroids which alleviated the issue very quickly.

It was very frightening for my daughters to see their father not making sense and getting cross with us. The advice from the oncologist was ... give him time and space. Don't try and correct or finish sentences or show our own frustration and anxiety.

You mustn't underestimate the impact on you and really need to ensure you are getting some down time. I'm sure there is information on the BT website.

[Tansi75]

As with 15773's post, you will find information regarding support on the Brain Tumour Charity website, they have also added a new discussion board facility on the BRIAN APP, there is a specific section for Carers, where you can place a post to obtain further support and advice.

It does take time for the side effects of the operation, tumour and treatment to show up. I also agree with 15773 regarding your support requirements. Your health and welfare are just as important as your wife's. I am lucky in that my Oncologist has always had an holistic approach to my welfare, she is just as concerned about my wife's health and welfare during my reviews.

I have been through a process of difficulties with my speech, memory, concentration, etc. When my wife became concerned she spoke about it during one of my reviews and my Oncologist arranged for me to receive support to improve my memory and concentration.

Is she currently taking any medication, such as steroids? If so, it might be useful to check the information sheet regarding possible side-effects, which could be having an effect on her behaviour.

No matter what your wife says, try to remember that she is still the same person you love, but is going through a very difficult time. She can't help herself and if possible walk away and let her and you have some space to settle down.

I hope this helps.

[WN20 in reply to Tansi75]

Thank you for your comments and advice. Unfortunately my wife is now in the palliative care phase of her journey, but I think you summed it up well in your last para.

[Daybreak2]

Hi, that's very sad and so difficult and distressing for you. My husband has been very depressed since his tumour returned and he is getting more disabled, and has similar angry and nasty turns especially to me. So I see special resilience is required. There are calmer moments too, but it's all unchartered territory

[Meema61]

My heart is with you. My husband is beginning to show a negative personality change. I would describe as combative. Mainly at night when he has to get up to go to the bathroom. He needs help to get there and refuses to take direction and becomes very angry. He was diagnosed with glioblastoma 12/28/21 and not expected to leave the hospital. I am close to palliative care decision as well. We had a MRI yesterday and halfway out to the car he thought I was the nurse and asking if ‘his wife’ left him there. 💔

[Zhaleh_TBTC Administrator]

Hello and thank you so much for posting on the group. It sounds like you’re going through a tough time at the moment – managing sudden personality changes in a loved one can be very tough. We have some information on coping with personality changes on our website, which I hope will be useful: thebraintumourcharity.org/l.... Please do reach out to us, if you need to talk things through. Our Support and Information Line is open Mon-Fri 9-5: 0808 800 0004 or you can email us on [e-mail]. Best wishes, The Support Team.

[WN20]

Thanks for your comments and helpful info.

[Who-said-that]

I did that with my husband when you’re the one with the brain tumour it’s really difficult to understand why your husband or wife is still there, you feel guilty that you’re putting them through this and can’t understand why they’re still there. I wanted my husband to leave, have fun, get in with his life I was consumed with guilt for trapping him and so I pushed tried to push him away because I blamed myself for trapping him into being my carer. This could be why she’s doing it, she needs reassurance from you that’s you’re not going anywhere and that it’s going to belright. Even if you don’t believe it she’s after reassurance it’s tough but try to make her feel loved and even though she has a brain tumour you’re going to be therefor her

[WN20]

My wife, whilst she was still able to, constantly looked for reassurance that I would not leave her. Of course I did, but not surprisingly she needed an awful lot of persuasion. I can’t imagine what is going through her mind now having lost most of her speech and ability to understand. I have never really felt so helpless in all my life, I just hope the reassurance I often give her is registering in some way. Thanks for your comments and hope you are able to achieve security and some good quality of life.

[Who-said-that]

do what you’re doing reassurance without being patronising is the way forward. I said to my husband I jus want you to tell me it’s going to be alright and he said “I’m not going to lie” im not stupid I do know but A white lie would’ve been very welcome!!so I talk in my head to myself as if I’m my mother and reassure myself but it’s not the same.

[jerome65]

Absolutely yes.My husband had same before his glioblastoma diagnosis and beginning of treatment.Same kind of behaviour plus symptoms of depression .Not at the moment though.