Trying not to give up on hope

I need mention that this forum post is to vent out my personal agony over all those failed TTC attempts.

2 years of natural TTC (failed) under the instruction of RE that my PCOS history won't affect my pregnancy anymore. The unexplained infertility was followed up by insemination as well (failed). When opted for IVF I was diagnosed with poor eggs and DOR. Still being hopeful I was put on medication to improve my egg a bit so that ICSI can be easily performed from the best of my collected eggs. 1st cycle - 8 eggs of which 6 fertilized and later 2 implanted but no BFP in beta ever. 2nd cycle - 5 eggs collected only 3 could make it to fertilization but next day after implantation it was all over (I started bleeding). Now finally after running a whole set of diagnosis all over again, I'm informed that some of the post PCOS scar tissues are affecting the early gestation. The only possible way is surrogacy.

As a couple, we've been through a lot over past few years. Surrogacy is far too much both emotionally as well as financially. So, I've decided not to go for it. It seems the wisest decision as of now, but it's killing me within that what if I become more desperate to have a child in the years to come? Can't rely much on my ovarian reserve for far too long owing to the DOR.

It's easy to say "never lose hope" but sometimes situations are just beyond hopeless. :(

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