24 and at a major cross road...advice please!

Hello Ladies,

After years of pain and doctors telling me that I 'imagine my pain' I finally got my diagnosis of endometriosis in April after a second laparoscopy. The first one was pretty unsuccessful and they removed my appendix but said I 'nothing was wrong'. As you can imagine I am very let down that it took over 7 years and me begging doctors to take another look. I read my notes from my operation and I have endo on both ovaries and my uterus, they removed a lot but I was told it will come back. I have a follow up in October this year.

I've wanted children for a while and i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we live together in a 1 bedroom flat. It's very expensive to move to a 2 bedroom where we are and we are a bit stuck. My mum moved to Devon and my dad doesn't see me much at all. We have a fantastic relationship with his mum but she is living with nan and caring for her as she has Dementia.

I have read almost every page related to infertility and endometriosis, watched many you tube videos but I still feel very alone and Doctors are very vague. My boyfriend is 27 and I am 24 and we are considering TTC, we want to get married but don't feel it is essential before a child. My biggest concern is our living arrangement. We both work very hard for what we have but how can we raise a child in a flat?

We don't know if we should start trying this year and just see what happens or wait until after we get married. We worry that if we wait my endo will be back and that may cause further complications. I've already had to cycles since my lapo and the pain returned straight away which isn't a good sign. My mum is all for the idea of a grand child but I worry that the timing isn't going to be right for my partners mum (I worry a lot about others)

Lots of people tell me you can never be 'ready' and there is never a 'right time' for a baby and that things fall into place, but I don't want to fail my baby. Equally I don't want to regret not trying now, the trouble is you just don't know with endometriosis. I keep looking at babies and feeling the urge but also feel anxious about actually trying....

:( If anyone has any advice, personal experience or just some wise words of wisdom I would love to hear it.

A very confused lady

Becks x

5 Replies

  • I just saw your post Becks! Sorry not sure how it was missed before. There really is no answer to this because no one knows what will happen, you need a crystal ball! My SIL has bad endo and got pregnant 1st month of trying but then other women have major issues and it can take a while. Re your circumstances right now, you have a home and loving partner and really that's most of what you need. Babies need love and attention most of all, they don't need their own bedroom. All life's decisions take you down a certain path and you just have to go with it, Im sure you'll be a great mum! Xx

  • Thank you Bunty83 I'm sorry I have been away from this group a short while and just saw your post. We are now actually in a better position and are planning to rent my OH mum's house. This makes me feel much more secure about TTC. We have decided to start this month! I'm excited and nervous all at the same time :D will keep you posted. xx

  • Hello Becks! A quote my husband found on this is "Would you rather be an unprepared father or never be a father at all". If you really want to have children now then go for it! As Bunty83 says with endo you may conceive with ease or you may need a little help. If you do need help its best sought sooner rather than later.

    Best of luck whatever you decide x

  • Hello Hopeful, thanks for your reply, We have decided to start trying and will leave it to nature to decide what happens next. That quote is a good one and my bf and I feel it is better to go for it than to regret it if we leave it too long.

    Thanks again :) x

  • Good luck! x

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