We've just returned from A&E, and I'm miscarrying. Pregnancy test was negative, they didn't even scan me and I'm bleeding heavily. Totally devastated and at a complete loss for what to do. Just feel empty. I know there'll be support here for me from some of you amazing ladies who have been where I am. What am I meant to feel, I just feel numb.
Totally numb- sensitive post! - Fertility Network UK
Totally numb- sensitive post!
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Kitcat12
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Oh I’m so so so sorry to read this. Hearing those words is the most devastating thing. Nothing I can say to you will make you feel any better about the horrible situation you find yourself in. I think all you can do is take things an hour at a time, and allow yourself the time you need to grieve. You’ll never forget but the pain does ease. xxx
Oh no Kitcat12, it's a horrible horrible time. Painful both physically and mentally. The numbness is self preservation at the devastation you are feeling right now. You will feel when you have the energy. For now you just need to be, take your time to grieve. Be on your own, be with your partner. It takes time and you could do with help from close friends and family. But you will get through this.
I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs. It will get better and you will get your dream xxx
Thank you ladies, I have no idea what to do with myself. Absolutely horrendous emptiness, and seeing the sadness of my poor partner is just heart breaking. Even after just a few weeks of growing my little bean I feel so much grief and loss.
So so sorry to hear this xxx
I’m so sorry.. It’s truly shite what your going through and so so unfair.. Take good care of each other xxx
I’m so sorry. What an awful thing to be dealing with. Heart broken for you xx
I'm so sorry. It's a horrible feeling. Take this time to heal. Stay with loved ones xxx
Hi lovely I'm so sorry to hear this. All you can do is take one day at a time and be there for each other. Take the time to grieve and be kind to yourself.
There may be days when you may wonder how you will get through this but you will and you will realise your dreams.
Sending you big hugs, thinking of you 💜💜
I am so so sorry to read this. xx
I’m so so sorry, life is so cruel I’m heartbroken for you. Take care of each other xxxx
So sorry for you😥
So sorry to read this Kitcat... I have no words of wisdom or advice, just want you to know I’m thinking of you and your partner 😔 xx
Oh I’m so sorry to hear your news. Be kind to yourselves as the other ladies have said - cry and grieve and it will get better in time I assure you. I know t doesn’t feel like it now. You are lucky you have an amazing husband too to support you ( and you him) in this sad time. Sending you lots of love & hugs. X
I'm sorry kitcat12. I know excectly how u feel.i also gone through huge desaster In march. I lost my baby after 12 days due to viral infection caused by long Labour.i did feed him.i played with him.i know his face reaction and everything .im still alive and trying for little one.it is not end of the world.v need to b stronge. I don't know whether my words heal u but I hope.look after ur self honey. V all with u.
Hi. Im sorry to wake up to read this news. Hope you find comfort in each other. No advice just that im thinking of you both. I cant imagine your pain right now but like others have said allow yourself time to grieve and you will hopefully realise your dream. So sorry for your loss x
I’m so sorry that you and your husband are having to go through this-it’s heartbreaking. Nothing anyone says can make it any better but I think it helps to know people care, and well, here’s one more.
Just give yourself time to cope now in whatever way is best for you during this horrendous time. Lots of love. X
I'm so sorry to hear your news, it really is heart breaking. Look after yourself and take each day as it comes, it's so hard and you will go through so many different emotions,it will get easier.
Take care xx
I'm so sorry !
Devestated to read your news this morning - you sound like a strong couple and am sure will help each other through this.
Be kind to yourself over the holidays - although you may have days you want to curl up and cry don't feel guilty about allowing yourself some time to breathe and take care of yourself and heal.
There's no right or wrong way
Thinking of you both xx
I’m so sorry to hear this, it is heart wrenching!!
I felt totally numb aswel it’s totally normal to feel this way i blamed myself for weeks but it’s one of them horrible things you can’t change what has happened. Give yourself some time, look after yourself and when the time is right for you try get back to normality 😔 xx
So so sorry. You’re probably in shock. It’ll be bloody hard for a while. Don’t bottle anything up. If you need to cry or talk then do it. It will get easier but not for a while. Sorry again xx
I’m so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you xxx
I'm so sorry for ur loss Kitcat,it's sad I woke up n read this. Pls look after urself. 😢
So sorry to hear this xox
I’m so sorry Kitcat, I think you need to go through the emotions and feel however you need to feel. We are all here for you xx
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please look after eachother. I cant imagine your heartache right now, we are all here for you. Take care sweetie 😓💔🥀
Ok kitcat I’m so sorry to hear this. Life is so incredibly cruel sometimes. Having recently experienced a mmc at 9w I understand the complete devastation and hopelessness. Time does ease the pain, take care of yourselves, sending lots of love to you both xx
😭
So many of us have been through similar. It’s so hard. Things that helped for me were keeping the painkiller levels up and using heat on my stomach (for the miscarriage I had that was painful) and staying off work. For me, then it was about telling lots of people. My friends and family really stepped up once they knew and they came around to keep me company through it, bringing cake/meals/gifts and companionship. Some had experienced miscarriages, some hadn’t, but no-one said anything too insensitive and I felt much better with people to talk to.
I know it’s not for everyone but I would strongly suggest not trying to keep it a secret.
I am so sorry to read this, have been following your journey. Miscarriage is just heartbreaking and so unfair. Sending you love and hugs but in reality only time can make it better xx
Oh I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Sending you much love and I’m thinking of you xx
Thank you everybody for your kind replies and thoughts. I'm shocked by the suddenness of it all. Last night I was pregnant, loads of symptoms, and now it's all gone. Just like that. How could I have been experiencing so many symptoms and the test be negative already? I just don't get it.
I've even stopped bleeding already. It's like our little bean never even existed. We didn't tell anybody. I can't cope that nobody knows about our bean. It's so sad.
You can still tell people now if you want to xx
I agree with this. With my last two I told everyone. I wanted the whole world to know my babies had existed xx
In my second miscarriage the test went negative really quickly- I didn’t believe them and made them do a blood test anyway but they basically told me they were humouring me. They did a scan that time and told me my lining was only 9mm so not much more than a normal period, and I stopped bleeding pretty quickly afterwards, though it was a bit stop-start. On that occasion, the slight positive was that my cycle returned to normal immediately, and I was grateful I didn’t need medical intervention.
However, my hormones did take a while to settle down, I felt like I had pmt quite a lot of the time and could cry at the drop of a hat even when not thinking about the miscarriage. I thought I was ok and did some gardening one day and then in the spring all the flowers came up in the wrong places because my head had still been all over the shop. Even if you’re not bleeding your hormones will be confused so be very very kind to yourself xx
This is so helpful to read!! I was so confused at how the tests could go negative so quickly, thank you for sharing your experience of this with me.
I am really sorry for your loss.
I had a loss at 4.5 weeks last year which was confirmed by a scan when I would’ve been 6 weeks. I felt empty, lost & completely numb. It felt like my whole world had fallen apart & I wondered how I’d ever pick myself up & keep going.
Time is a healer & you will get through this awful loss. You will never forget but you will learn to live with the loss.
We chose to see our loss as progress-at least we knew we could conceive with infertility that can be half the battle we wouldn’t have believed it was possible until we saw the positive test. It gave us some kind of hope we could conceive again. Our issue was my endometriosis & once treated properly we were able to conceive, it was reassuring for us to know what the issue was & we could conceive.
Do remember just because you lost this pregnancy doesn’t mean you will lose another one. Lots of women who miscarry gone on to have a healthy baby ❤️I’ve became pregnant just over a year later after our loss & although nerve racking, I don’t think we ever stop worrying unfortunately- I’m now 15 weeks. I hope that gives you some hope & reassurance that you can get pregnant again & you will go on to have a healthy baby ❤️
Thinking of you during this difficult time. I hope you have plenty of support around you. 💗 xoxo
Kitcat12 in reply to
Thank you, your story gives me hope x
I’m so sorry to read this 😞 xx
Oh no kitkat, Im so sorry! Hold onto each other tight. Big hugs.xx
I’m so sorry Kitcat12. Sending massive hugs to you both x
Bless you I'm so sorry you are not supposed to feel a certain way it is not surprising you are numb at the moment be kind to yourself and you will get through this in your own way hope you have some caring support around you take care x
So sorry to read this. I’m just waiting to go through my 7th loss, hcgs reducing slowly and not bleeding yet, it’s like torture! Take some time for each other. Try and take some positives too if you can, you got pregnant and speak to your fertility team. It’s such a horrible thing to go through. Thinking of you xxx
Oh kitcat I'm so terribly sorry for your loss 😪 This journey is just too cruel sometimes. Please surround yourself with loved ones and allow yourself to grieve. I saw you said you hadn't told anyone you were pregnant but I hope you can confide in some close family or friends now for support. And please keep coming on here if you need to vent, you know we're all here for you xxx
Oh hon, I'm so so sorry xxx
I’m so sorry to hear your miscarrying it’s an awful experience I’ve had 2 in just over a year at 12&13w last one in July I still have trouble not crying when I read stories of others mc or when I have to talk about it. I am pregnant again 8w but still have an awful feeling it’ll happen again. If you need to talk message me x. Take care
Thanks all! The support here is getting me through. I've told my 2 closest friends this morning and my Mum and Nan, so I can get some support from them. My amazing boyfriend is here by my side and we're looking after each other.
Oh no!!! I'm so so sorry 
Take care of yourself. Sending lots of hugs xxx
I'm so sorry Kitcat12. Sending you all my love xx
Hello,
I know exactly how you are feeling. Ive recently been through the same.
It’s absolutely awful, actually much harder than I expected it would be after just a few weeks of carrying.
People always say to me that they just don’t know what to say to make things better, and I think, for me, that has been the hardest part of this journey - the being ‘alone’.
The only thing I think I’ve really learnt, and am still trying to remind myself of every time we hit a hiccup, is to love my partner and to try and continue to cherish the amazing relationship we have. I try and remind myself that if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be doing this, and ultimately what we have is the most important and priceless gift.
This may not help you one bit, and please believe me when I say I know how painful loosing a baby is... we’ve lost 3 potential babies this year and it completely changes your view on EVERYTHING.
I don’t think anyone can fully understand how tough IVF is until they go through it, and I had no idea of the pressures it would put on my myself and my partner.
The pain is totally shit, and life can feel so unfair but I know it has helped me to refocus my energy on doing positive things with my partner. Having nice walks and talks together with the dog, taking time to prepare a lovely meal for him when he gets in from work, and talking about other things we want to do as a couple that aren’t baby related. I know how hard it is because this journey is often all consuming, but it’s help me to cope a little better with the set backs.
Sending you love.
Xxx
This is great advice. I'm so grateful to have him, and I will definitely rely on him to get us through this. I'll take your advice to make sure we do some positive things together, we have a holiday to Florida in 2 weeks, hopefully a bit of relaxation and time together might help us to heal x
That sounds perfect. I hope you have a lovely time. Xx
I'm so sorry to read this my heart is breaking for you 💔 x x x
Oh I’m so so sorry to hear, thinking of you xxxx
I am so so sorry... Been there last year on 24th December... Same happened no scan they just told me it's probably a miscarriage... and it was... There is nothing you can do but feel that way.. At some point afterwards your emotions will be all over the place just let them go. Cry when you feel like crying don't keep it inside... There is not much we can do in such a situation.. Sending you millions hugs hun ❤❤❤❤
Oh KitKat I’m absolutely devastated for you. There are probably no more words that haven’t been said already, just know that we’re all here for you and thinking of you.
It sounds like you have a very supportive partner and I’m glad you’ve told a few close people - it’s important others know what you’re going through.
Sending you lots of love xx
I really feel that A&E have let me down by sending me away having only been told I'm having a miscarriage as my tests are negative. They didn't tell me what to expect next, they didn't warn me about passing the tissue (so sorry I know this is really upsetting) I hate feeling out of control and that I have no idea what is happening to my body. It is utterly terrifying and upsetting!
I am so sorry to read this and understand how you are feeling as had a miscarriage in July.
Like you, I had no idea of the physical side of it and was so shocked by it.
Sending you love and hugs, take the time you need and please feel free to message if you need any support xx
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😔 It’s so awful. I’m sorry to hear the staff at A&E didn’t really prepare you - at times like this you need as much kindness and compassion as you can get. Can you talk to the clinic about what to expect? Tommy’s may also be a good source of information and support.
Surround yourself with those you love and take the time to grieve, it’s a difficult process and you need all the support you can get. Thinking of you xxx
Tommy's was actually really helpful, thank you! Now I know that what is happening is normal x
I know exactly how you feel. I was sat there miscarrying while other people were coming out smiling with their scan photos it was so upsetting. You do get through it - that’s all I can say. Keep strong and cry when you need to xx
They just sent me away with no clue what to expect and I'm so anxious that this really makes me panic. Just want to know what is going to happen x
My advice is to get codeine from the dr if you need it I had took paracetamol and ibuprofen to the max it wasn’t touching the pain it’s like labour contractions to open your cervix and have someone around to support an bring you things I was very dizzy with blood loss I got my mam to get iron tablets.
Huge thanks again to all of you who have sent your well wishes and shared your experiences with me today, you have all been a huge source of comfort to me. Tonight I am raising a glass of wine to our little bean. You may not have been with us for long, but we loved you very much.
So sorry to hear. I feel your pain having miscarried twice now. It’s just a heartbreak. Sounds like you have lots of support around you, take care of yourself xx
I’m so sorry to read this, I’ve never been in this position but can only imagine how devastating it must be. Hoping you’ve got lots of support at this awful time xx
Hi Kit Kat. I'm so sorry for you loss and I'm sorry you were let down by a&e. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your partner - keep looking after each other. Hope you're also getting support from your family. Lots of love xx
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