On February 6th, the day after my 60th birthday, my husband suddenly passed away. We spent a wonderful day celebrating my birthday, ending with a lovely dinner out. We got home in time to watch our president make the State of the Union Address. Just before it ended, he told me he had an upset stomach and asked if I minded if he went down stairs and sat in his chair. We had early plans in the morning to drive down to my girls where my sister and youngest daughter were flying in to celebrate my birthday. Of course I encouraged he go rest. He headed down to his chair and I almost immediately fell asleep. I woke up early, took a bath and started packing. I figured he must have fallen asleep in his chair and would let him sleep a little longer. After about an hour when I didn't hear him moving about I called downstairs. No answer. I continued to pack and after a while decided to go down and check on him. I could see his face as I came down the stairs. I yelled out for him, but got no response. I walked up to his chair and could see that he was gone. From what I could tell he'd been gone for most of the night. I couldn't locate his phone, so I went upstairs to get my phone and call 911. 911 answered, but then the call dropped. I was unable to get a call out. I had to text my sister and my daughters and ask them to call 911. The rest of the day was pretty much a blur. My dear husband has been my primary caretaker since I was diagnosed with stage 4 Cirrhosis a year ago. I now this sounds selfish, but I just don't know how I can do with without him. Not just dealing with my disease, but every aspect of my life. I feel completely empty, although I am staying at my duaghter's home right now. It's not the same thing though. He was my best friend, my confident, and my love.
Thank you for listening to me. I'm really struggling right now and just don't know how to cope.