Toilet Refusal, withholding for soon to be 4 year old

[Rss80]

Hello. I am awaiting a call back from the Eric helpline but in the meantime I wondered if anyone may have any advice.

My little girl has a history of withholding from as young as 1 years old. It used to just be bowel movements. After help from Eric she now does a daily bowel movement and has done for about a year. She will never tell me she needs a poo however and it is only when I sit her down after meals that it happens. She still does not like going.

Now, additional to the difficulty of not wanting to go for a poo she also withholds her wee which I'm starting to feel very worried about. She was out of nappies around and 2.5 yearsa and was dry overnight at this point and still is. However she refuses to go for wees saying she is playing or denying needing one. It is now to the point where if I say I think she should try for a wee she gets very angry and defensive. I've therefore tried leaving her to it to see if she would just go with less pressure about it all and she continues to hold and does tiny dribbles in her knickers then carries on holding.

She doesn't wee until 10 or 11am after waking. This is as long as I leave it before I feel I have to intervene, otherwise I think she would hold until lunch time.

She's drinks very little, always has. Tried everything and just can't get her to drink more than minimal amounts.

I feel at my wit's end with it all. She is due for school September (deferring request refused) and at the moment she is not properly toilet trained.

She does have sensory issues in other areas of her life so it could be sensory related. I have read the advice about how I can help but in the long run any sensory changes I make at home won't be available in schools or preschools et c

Has anyone been through this?

I feel totally alone as I see her peers telling their mum''s they need a wee. She is yet to speak these words to me.

Thanks

[ERIC-Charity Partner]

Hi Rss80 , we are so sorry to hear you're feeling so alone with this problem. We do get many calls about this challenging situation. We have a new withholding section on our website eric.org.uk/Pages/Category/... which also includes wee withholding. Please be assured that we are working to respond to call backs as quickly as we can. Best wishes, ERIC

[LB1234]

Hi there

I feel your pain, my daughter (who is 4 in a few days) is very similar. She has times where she will go by herself or tell us she needs but 95% of the time she will just wait until her pants are wet or she is prompted to go. She also does daily poos on schedule and would otherwise withhold/soil.

It would be worth speaking to the school she'll be attending, she definitely won't be the only kid who has been in this situation. My daughter attends the preschool nursery at the school she'll be going to in September - they are pretty structured in their day and encourage toilet trips during breaks, I think my daughter has only had 1 or 2 accidents there (albeit she does only go in the morning at the moment). I know this doesn't solve the issue but might take the pressure off and give you some reassurance.

Other than that, we just try to stick to a schedule as much as we can. There are a couple of Bluey episodes where the characters pause a game to use the toilet or go for a "tactical wee" before they are bursting so references to that help us. And we have rules about going before we leave the house, etc. Another thing that has helped us at times is having a timer - she will set the timer for whatever time we agree and needs to go when it beeps - gives her a bit of control rather than me telling her all the time.

Again more managing the situation rather than solving it so hopefully ERIC will have more suggestions!