4 year old potty training

[Artist83]

Hi, just wanted some advice please. My 4 year old daughter has a fear of the potty. She is very intelligent and confident for her age and she gets very excited when we discuss how to use the potty etc but when it's time to try, she gets very upset. I feel quite a lot of pressure from people around me and my partner and I don't want to put pressure on her but I'm not sure what else to try. I have bought 5 different styles of potty, tried sticker rewards, incentives. Starting to feel like a bad mum. ☹️

[Emsta1]

Please don't feel bad, it's totally not you. So many of us have the same problem. My daughter is 4.5yrs old, clever, advanced in every way except toilet training. We've struggled for such a long time, but she's always been terrified of the potty/toilet. To cut a long story short (as i keep responding on here and don't know how to just copy my response to save time!), She was diagnosed at end of july with chronic constipation. Although she was pooing regularly, it was hard and backed up inside her bowels. That's why she was frightened of going to the toilet. It was never picked up by the health visitor, gp, or nursery/school, but eventually the GP referred her to the paediatrics at hospital and an excellent doctor knew straight away. It's so common, I don't understand why it's not better known, all the warning flags were there for 2 years but our health visitor was none the wiser. Anyway, she started on laxatives and after 1 month, is happily using the toilet for a wee. We're still working on the poo situation, but she's come so far already. So please don't think it's you, or that your daughter is being awkward and ridiculous, there is most likely an underlying problem. Ask your GP to refer you to the hospital and get a proper diagnosis. Good luck x

[Artist83 in reply to Emsta1]

Thank you so much. It's reassuring to know we are not alone. I will mention your situation to our Health Visitor.

[MrsKS30]

This is a suggestion based on there being no health issue such as constipation mentioned in the other reply. I found using a doll’s potty and sitting doll on it beside my daughter was helpful. They could then sit side by side. Other times on the bigger toilet, my daughter lets a teddy go and then she sits on after. May not work but wanted to pass on Incase it took some anxiety away for her. Best of luck.

[Artist83 in reply to MrsKS30]

Thank you. Will give it a try.