Depression

[buryboy]

Feeling very low at the moment. Does anybody know were i can turn.

[googie]

hey Buryboy, I know its easier said than done when someone says "Come on cheer up" , so I am not going to say it. Other than us lot on here, do you have a counsellor in the renal department that you can chat to?

[googie]

kidneypatientguide.org.uk/s...

Take a look at this site. It may be of some help to you xxx Don't forget that each day is going to be different. Don't feel as though you are going to feel like this forever. You should wake up each day and just deal with how you feel on that particular day. You may wake up tomorrow and feel great, but just be prepared for the days that aren't so good. We all have them. I have days where I just cry and cry and can't get over the fact that I am "broken", but other days are good and I can just get on with stuff and feel fine.

You are not alone xxx

[buryboy]

Thanks googie I will take a look.

[googie]

just found this too:

People who have kidney failure and depression should not keep their depression to themselves or assume they can handle their problems on their own. They should tell their health care provider because depression can often be treated with adjustments to the diet and dialysis dose, medications, and counseling. Scientists are also studying the use of cognitive behavioral therapy—a way of correcting harmful thought and behavior patterns—to treat depression in people with total kidney failure.

[buryboy]

How do I get a counsellor? I have heard about them before but don't know who to ask. Thanks again googie

[googie]

Are you in touch with a renal department at the hospital? If you are, I would go through them.

Have just been reading up a bit and it is extremely common to feel as you do at any stage of CKD. Have just found another interesting article just so you know that it is expected and that you aren't going mad or having un-natural feelings.

ultracare-dialysis.com/Kidn...

I know you aren't on dialysis, but the information is still worth looking at xxx

[buryboy]

Think dyalasis will be coming soon getting down to 17% I have been a low as 11% last year but I was on a drip for 3 days and went back up to 20%. Life it's really hard at the moment not getting on with my wife, my mum disowned me when I was diagnosed and not heard from her since and not seen my dad since I was a kid really do feel alone. Stopped taking my meds as I can't see the point

[Hardworkthisbeingpoorly in reply to buryboy]

Hi I have just joined this forum and this particular post took my eye. I was really frightened about being connected to a machine for the first time, my health was deteriorating fast I felt shocking , couldn't eat always throwing up always tired. My renal team put me on PD which meant I was connected to a machine for 9 hours every night. Firstly I was doing the dialysis every 4 hours through the day which only took about 45 minutes maximum each time. I did this for the first month then I went onto nighttime dialysis this was fully automatic basically just connect up and go to sleep. After the first 2 or 3 weeks I started feeling loads better , eating again having more energy which meant I could carry on doing my job. PD it sounds scary at first but believe me, after the first month it becomes quite normal and here I am 4 years later still doing the PD on a nightly basis. I am actually waiting for a kidney pancreas transplant but before they will do it I have to get my BMI below 30 and loosing weight is harder than doing the PD nightly. I could go on but don't want to bore you ! Keep positive mate if you want any advice just message me !

[googie]

Don't stop taking your meds!! We all have crappy days, and I can see why you have more than me. The not getting on with the wife, could it be because she doesn't understand what is happening. This illness may make things a little more difficult, but you can try and carry on as normally as possible. In the article above it says that most of the can be sorted with the right levels of medication. Please contact your renal department and tell them how you feel and that you need to chat to someone xx

[nikityler]

Buryboy, please don't stop taking your meds believe me it doesn't help been there done that! Ideally you would be better off going through the renal department for a counsellor. My consultant passed me on to a counsellor and it was very helpful to get all my worries off my chest.

[Charders]

I was diagnosed with CKD 18 months ago, and just after Christmas this year they told me it was Polycystic Kidney Disease. I have good days and bad days - days where I do nothing but cry at the moment. I've looked at lots of information online and talked to my GP. I've been referred to a specialist in Hull and I've got another appointment locally in August. I've yet to tell my two ( young adult) children that they need to be checked, which makes me start crying all over again. But there are now one or two good days where I am able to face things; I'm slowly telling my friends and family about my kidneys. It's very hard to face up to and come to terms with, but since I found out about the PKD, it IS getting easier to come to terms with, but very slowly. My advice is to talk to friends about it if you can.

[Moggymolly1 in reply to Charders]

Hi Charders

Do you live in Hull as I live in Lincoln and work in Scunthorpe. I have the same PKD and find it hard to deal with and if you want to talk please message me. Maybe we could support each other, look me up of facebook Tracey Lou Firth x

[googie]

awww Charders, I feel for you having to tell your children. My kidney failure is down to parathyroidism (I think) and I think unchecked medication comes into it somewhere. Not in any pain, just feel "broken".

[michel49]

I think people have answered your main question - "where can I turn?" - either through your G.P or through the renal dept. of your local hospital (If it has one). I can sympathise though; it is most likely my medication for depression and for severe arthritis that has cause my kidney failure. I found out I only had one kidney (the other is shrivelled and useless), and am being monitored through weekly blood tests ( I have bad anaemia to boot). The Phrenologist wants me to have an iron infusion (which scares the hell out of me - but that's me being stupid); I freaked out the other day because I had a 'phone call asking me to go and arrange "my preferences for dialysis" (when I didn't even know I was near that stage yet). It turns out that this is "in case of need in the future"; one thing about your depression - TALK ABOUT IT! Don't keep quiet and bottle it in; I told my wife I was scared the other day, and just voicing it made me feel a tiny bit better. because of my depression, I have felt like suicide - and, of course, I can't tell any of the family that, but I know I can't really go there because of the effect it would have on my wife and my two married sons and their families - but there are lots of days when I think that this last physical "kick in the guts" is just the last straw, and I don't really want to go on any more. The hardest bit I think is trying to con people into thinking I am brave and have accepted my situation when all I want is to go and hide in a small corner...

[Viviola in reply to michel49]

Hi Michel49. Please don't stress about the iron infusion. I had one last month and honestly it's not painful or uncomfortable. All in all it took less than 45 minutes and at least 15 mins of that was taken up with sorting out the equipment. On the plus side I have also felt loads better since having it - not so tired. I even managed a night out last weekend (!) which I haven't done for months. I can fully understand you freaking out about being asked to consider what type of dialysis. I had a similar experience - went along for what i thought was a usual 3 month check up only to be taken aside to discuss dialysis and possible transplant when i didn't even know I had dropped to a level that required me to even think about it. Keep talking to your wife - I'm sure she would want to know how you're feeling and if needs be see the renal counsellors. Take care x

[michel49 in reply to Viviola]

Thanks...

[buryboy]

Thanks everybody I don't know anybody on here but it helps knowing it's not just me.

[Hidden]

The NKF runs a helpline and the BKPA has a renal counsellor on the phone if you cant find a one via uour renal team

Your mental health is just as important as your kidney health

No shame in seeking help for either as both are equally misunderstood by joe public

Ive recieved counselling on and off a few times and it did help to talk to someone neutral

Id avoid antidepressants if you can as they are a short term solution

Much luck. Things may look dark but theres light ahead

[poppydolly]

Hate to put a downer on all these supportive replies but seeing a counsellor is fine to a certain extent and make you feel better for a while but it does not change your circumstances especially if you have been abandoned like buryboy. i too have been rejected by family, partner and friends who are all too worried they will have to care for me and my employers refuse to take my condition seriously, make fun of me and are only concerned that i will become an inconvenience. i also wonder if it is worth carrying on knowing that there will be no one there to help me when i need it.

[Charders]

Poppydolly, sometimes you have to look in different places to find the support you need. I had never heard of Chronic Kidney Disease or Polycystic Kidney disease before I was diagnosed with it, and it's hard for 'outsiders' to understand and take on board. Look around for other sources of support....I've found everyone on here a great support....and talk about your worries and fears with people who understand. x

[marysmum]

I've had kidney disease for 11 years and was diagnosed a few weeks before I got married. We continued with the wedding even though we didn't know how it would effect me. I felt very alone and became depressed soon after. My husband didn't know what to do with me, I distanced myself from friends and family, and spent my time either going to work or crying (at least that's how it felt at the time). 18 months later I went to my GP, I didn't know I was depressed and just told him there was something wrong and burst into tears. He put me in touch with a mental health nurse who I saw twice a week to start with and she used cognitive behavioural therapy. As time went on I saw her less regularly until after about 6 months I was discharged.

The problem with kidney illness is that there is nothing to see, if you break a leg then people can see the pot, talk about it and can give sympathy. No one can see your kidneys failing, or how this makes you feel and it's a very lonely place. I felt like I was complaining to those close to me and stopped talking because I thought they didn't care. I didn't even tell anyone when I was being treated for depression because I was so embarrassed. I now know that I shouldn't have been. Depression like kidney disease can't been seen so others can think you're imagining it. I'm not embarrassed about having depression anymore, some people are more prone to it that others and that's just the way it is. A lot of people don't understand it but that's not your fault. There is help out there, go to your renal unit or even your GP. Get help and I'm sure in a few months you'll start to see things differently. Best wishes x

[kirstie43]

Hi I'm new to this site ,I'm a ckd3 with one kidney which was blocked five years ago and had an op to sort it out, I can so agree with marysmom ,the problem we all have is no one can see your crap days, I also think the gp doctors don't have a clue, I take my problems on the chin and get on with it, push myself to hard ,because I am normal ,the CKD is not me its just part of me, I don't look down the road of what will happen in the future , even though people keep telling me to , its OK for them, I just take a good look around me and enjoy everything , the simple things like birds flying in the sky can put a smile on my face , what we have is enough to keep us here ,so just love it

[Calley]

There are lots of different answers here, as you all talk about your experiences and how you coped, but one thing that strikes me, as a newcomer to this site, is the depth of care and concern for each other, added to the wealth of experience that you can all share that eases the fear of the unknown.

It seems that fear and depression is causing as much havoc as kidney disease itself and having you guys to turn to is priceless.

I do feel very sad though for anyone who feels cut off from their family, and if your partner doesn't understand, I would say sit him or her down in front of these pages, no decent person could remain unsympathetic after reading all the comments.

The reality is that anyone can fall ill and might do so tomorrow, illness doesn't pick and choose its victims.

My husband has had severe heart disease since 2005, between us we both learned to cope with it, and between us we will both learn to cope with my recent diagnosis.