You are not alone

Hi I am 30 years old. I worked for a company for 10 years and despite my constant inaccurances and F ups i remained in the company. My VERY frustrated employer made a point of listing out my flaws on a daily basis but I remained employed as I designed all their marketing materials to a very high standard. I stayed because I didnt think I would get another job although I never got a pay rise and, looking back, I was very unhappy.

Clearly thoughout this time I constantly asked myself WHY I was like this!??!? I hated myself because noone was there to tell me to see someone or to tell me why I was (in my mind) stupid. I spent most days crying and feeling very alone. I knew it was not normal but I tucked it away in the back of my head and carried on messing up and ignoring the fundamental flaws until eventually I couldnt take it anymore. I bleamed colleagues for being touchy and being very patronising towards me as obviously they were aware of my shady work methods.

I felt like I had to get better. I had to have more qualifications I needed to constantly prove that I could be 'normal' and not stupid. Every year since leaving school I have ALWAYS worked a full time job and two part time courses. I didnt want to be stupid anymore. I spent most nights working late just to read work over and over and OVER agin until it was right but mistakes always came up. I volunteerd myself for redundancy about a year ago and moved away. Closing that part of my life off completely.

Since then I became a Marketing assistant for a pharmaceutical company as a temp (because of head count) shortly after I moved. I loved it! It ws a new start to me. No one knew my flawed past and no one was aware of my stupidity. I was very well liked and came across very intelegent and a great addition to the team. Not long after the initial training and to my horror flaws started to be obvious. After a while I discovered I may have dyslexia and being a believer that honesty was the best policy two months ago I explained to my boss that I had dyslexia in an attempt to explain flaws that I could not hide anymore. I regret doing this. I am a temp and therefore have no rights. I have been given two weeks to get better or I will be sacked.

1 in 10 people have dyslexia - You are not alone.

4 Replies

  • I am sorry to hear that you having been having employment problems, you are deffinately not alone, but try and remember - there will always be light at the end of the tunnel if you are patient enough to work through the darkness first. Another favourite saying is -sometimes thing fall apart to allow better things to fall in place.

  • That's awful that you've had to experience that, employers have a right to support people with difficulties such as dyslexia. They should be able to accomodate your needs.

  • Thank you so much for your comment it is making me feel so much better that I am not alone. I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow to discuss my report with all the diagnose informarion. Had feedback today about spelling and grammer at least I can explain why I struggle. Complete understand about feeling stupid and having your errora told to you everyday. My memory is one area I am really weak in and this was my investigation as part as my dyslexia. How it you work support you? Did they handle it well? :)

  • i can understand were u are coming from i have been working for a company for 5 yrs and it is only now that i have told them i suffered from dyslexia as i was having problems expressing myself by i new what i wanted to say but it comes out different to the way i want to say things as it was getting me down all the time .

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