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Different Strokes
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So Down at this time.

Seeing so many smiling faces around at this time of the year,isn't having the same effect on me.

For some reason this time seems the worst i've ever experienced since my darling wife passed away two and a half years ago.

Feel so alone in the day.Then I see my lovely angel of a daughter in the evening,but mood changes when she goes home at night.

Breaking down more often..Don't like the mood.

Can't seem to lessen it at all.

10 Replies

I can somewhat relate, although I have not had a death, thank goodness. Sorry to be blunt but I do not want you thinking I am dismissing this.

I too am not feeling jovial as I am unable to do the things I did in the past over the holidays due to some of my dexterity limitations. Many unaffected people don’t realize the brain cannot process simple things such as measuring, cutting and placing wrapping paper around boxes or gifts let alone shop for them. The people and voices in the stores overwhelm me and can cause me to visibly shake... I hate this😟.

Please try to be happy, your daughter will be back soon. Have you tried to use a journal to write your thoughts down? It has been said this can be a good catharsis. I, and others, am thinking of you, more I’m sure then you realize. Please try journaling it may help. You could use it to write down your memoires of your life experiences of fun and tough times together. And you could also write what you think her thoughts/ responses to you would be to you if she were still here. It might help you to hear what she would have to say. Sending hugs, Cindy in NJ



like so many times before,Thank you for being a friend and replying,will try hard to cheer up.Hope you feel better.


Thank you I hope you have the Merriest Christmas possible. Enjoy your daughter and try and have a few laughs. Cindy


Dear 2 stroke, I am so sorry to hear you're feeling this way, I have been there myself so know exactly what you're feeling. Please don't suffer like this on your own, please try to speak with someone.

I'm not sure what country you live in, I'm in the UK but when I was feeling how you are, I called my local mental health phone support line many times and also the samaritans. I just needed to speak to someone other than a family member and I found that simply talking with a person who would listen and not judge, could pull me out of the desperately down way I was feeling, if only for a short time. You can call them as many times as you like but please call them before you start to feel really down and in despair.

Have you been to see your GP/primary care doctor and told them how your feeling? It's really important that you get a support system around you and your doctor is there to help you. Depression and feeling as low as you are is something that your doctor can help you with and it's so important that you get help, if you had the flu or some other illness you would go and see your GP and your mental and emotional health is just as important as any other illness, if not more important.

My GP wanted to give me antidepressants but I declined as I already have to take a lot of medication for my health issues. My mother took antidepressants for a while however after being very low due to being very unhappy in the place she was living in at the time. They took a short while to start working but really did help to lift her mood, until she moved home and felt happy again. The doctor explained that these antidepressants help to get the brain to produce, I think it was called serotonin, which is responsible for us feeling happy. When you're feeling very down, you can often not produce enough happy hormones, if you know what I mean and the antidepressant tablets do that for you. My mum also got a SAD lamp, the ones that you use in the winter to give you the same light as sunlight and this helped her mood too.

If you're in the uk and 50 years or older then you could call your local Age UK, they have volunteers who can visit you or talk to you on the phone, I think just having some company and someone to talk to, will help to stop you going to that really sad place. My mother has an Age uk support worker who comes every week to help her, run errands do some shopping, cleaning etc. Support workers have to be paid for but my mum now considers her one as a friend and I think that she really enjoys having her because it's someone other than family to chat to.

There is also support you can get on the Internet, if you would rather have an online chat, I know there is one in the area where I live, so maybe have a Google for a support group in your area.

I don't know if you are a spiritual person but if so local churches religious/spiritual groups also often offer support and/or someone to talk to.

I am very spiritual and one thing that I will say is that your wife is always with you in spirit and that she wouldn't want you to be feeling this way. I have a memorial in my garden for someone I lost who was so very dear to me and I talk with him all the time, I find the more I talk with him the more I feel his presence. You are never truly alone and it doesn't matter what God or creator, afterlife or angels you believe in, ask for their help and they will always be there for you.

One other thing that has saved me from going to a place where I am so low and so desperate during the past year or so, are my garden birds! I have been feeding them for four years now and even had a baby robin feeding from my hand this summer! I have several window feeders too so that the birds are feeding right beside me, even when it's too cold to go outside and watch them. They bring me so much joy and their beautiful song lifts my spirits every day.

Please know that you are not alone, there are so many people out there who will help you, if you just reach out and ask them.

I am thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers.



Absolutely , well said Claire. Prayers to you both: 2 stroke and Claire, Cindy


I get too upset when starting any conversation about the departure of my wife.

(god bless her).

1 like

2stroke, it's perfectly ok for you to get upset when speaking to someone about your wife, it's absolutely expected that you would cry. I still think it's important that you speak with someone about how low you are feeling. I cried buckets over the phone to the helpline and the samaritans but that is what they are there for, to give you support and to listen to how you feel.

Even if you don't feel up to talking about your wife, please try to find some support, either thru your GP, or thru the suggestions I've made above. You do not have to go thru this alone, please find someone to help you, even if it's only via an online support service.

Do you have any pets and if not, have you considered getting a pet? Dogs and cats make fantastic companions who will shower you with affection and would also give you something to take care of. If you're unable to have a dog or cat, how about a budgie or other bird, my grandma used to have a budgie and he was wonderful company, he could even talk!

I truly hope you find some support soon, I will keep you in my prayers, Claire





Claire ,thank you for your kind reply,i'm living in a lovely valley in South Wales near Bridgend.

I'm depressed mainly over the bereavement of my darling wife who passed on because of pancreatic cancer.That was followed within 3 months by my first Stroke put down to my grief.

Then while having blood taken in the G.P.s this year I suffered a second stroke,thankfully not killing me,although i didn't think that at the time.

They do state that secondary effects of Stroke is the onset of depression for body action either limited as i have- or imobility which has thankfully eluded me.

Both of these events and bereavement has led to where i am now.

I was prescribed Mirtazepam ,but they makes me feel both brainless and over tired,so I no longer take them.

Hope to be able to go back on citalopram which seemed to help a while back.

I'm not in the least religous Atheist I think its called.

Once again, thank you for your friendship.




Thank you and Merry Christmas.


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