I need suggestions on what to do when my husband acts up and tries to leave the home.

I think he got upset with me because I didn't understand that he wanted to go to the bank to get spending money. He has PD along with the dementia and speech issues so he is very hard to understand. I knew he already had pocket money so never thought about the bank. So he just took off walking down the middle of our street flagging cars down trying to get them to stop. No matter what I said or did, he wouldn't come back home until he finally wore himself out. I'm so afraid he is going to get hurt and he was so agitated with me he started flailing him arms at me as if to push me away. It took me almost 45 mins. before I could convince him to come back home and that's only because he was tired. I don't know what causes these issues or how to stop them. He's been on same meds for quite sometime so don't think it is the medicine. Do brains just sometimes do their own thing??? I'm really confused!

[Hidden]

PD, dementia, & speech issues how frustrating for him. I am glad both he and you are okay.

Specific to going to the bank - sometimes seeing the money / touching the money is necessary to comprehend that there is no need to go to the bank - sometimes verbal cues are not be enough - it might have nothing to do with going to the bank or having money at all dementia being dementia. Difficult to 'think' like he thinks.

Interesting to note that Alzheimer's Society states wandering is a 'phase' that some dementia patients go through - a behaviour that does not last.

Best to consult with your doctor/s as meds may need adjustment as it could be caused by unexpressed pain or discomfort.

I hope this is of some help to you.

Take care both of you.

Links with dementia wandering safety tips:

Dementia / Moving and walking about / What can I do ? Tips

alzheimers.org.uk/site/scri...

Dementia / Dealing with aggressive behaviour / ways to react to aggressive situations

alzheimers.org.uk/site/scri...

Dementia / Wandering and Getting Lost / Tips to prevent wandering

alz.org/care/alzheimers-dem...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your response and suggestions with the websites. They are very helpful and I certainly can use all the help I can get. We had been to see the doctor that morning and everything seemed fine until we got home when he started "acting up". When he does this, I can't do anything with him and it scares me so badly that I am afraid he will get hit by a car although people have been extremely nice and tried to help. I hope it is just a phase he is going thru.

[Jash]

Bless you both...

[Hidden in reply to Jash]

Thank you so much!

[wifeofparky]

The main thing to do is remain calm. The more upset you get the more upset he will get. I know it is not easy but it takes practice. I am in the same boat. Try asking him gently if he can show you what he needs. If he pulls out a wallet or a spoon you may be able to determine what he wants. Does his doctor know about these outbursts? Does he see a Movement Disorder Specialist? Document when these episodes happen and where he is in his med schedule. There may be a connection. God bless.

[Hidden in reply to wifeofparky]

I wish I could remain calm - and I really know I should - but when he's standing in the middle of the road with oncoming traffic and won't let me help him, I panic and freak out crossing my fingers no one will hit us. I've tried reasoning, giving him what he wants but only time and his wearing down will end the situation. He does see a Movement Specialist and his meds haven't changed recently so not sure what triggers these outbursts. I'm sure it's very frustrating for him not to be able to convey his thoughts and wants to me so maybe he had just had enough. I will definitely start documenting the episodes and talk with his doctor next time we see him. Thanks for your input.

[Hidden]

I think it is a difficult question to answer us lot not knowing the circumstances or your husband.

Suggest perhaps if he is wanting some money to let him see some and i.e. that there is no need to go to the bank this morning but perhpas we could go tomorrow if we need some more. I do think with Dementia you have to play it by ear quite a lot and know the mood of the person.

I certainly wish you all the very best bot of you and god bless.

[Hidden]

Maybe if you think of it as something different than ‘acting up’? Acting up implies something negative. Yes I know it is negative to you; but to him it is a compulsion, it is what his brain/body is telling him he needs to do wants to do must do. It just is. If it can be approached with a positive calm attitude his upset might not be triggered.

The links offer some good insight and fab suggestions for both patient and care giver.

Best to be prepared (review safety tips on links – emergency contact #s, ID on his person at all times, etc).

Please be safe – both of you. If you can not manage, if overwhelmed at wits end, if you feel in danger, ask for help immediately.

I hope he finds an inner calm once again. Take care both of you.

[Melodysam1890]

My sister prepared our Dad's wallet with just some loose bills (so he could carry it in his pocket the way he always did) and that seemed to satisfy his need to have this little bit of control - Dad experienced a lot of "acting up" and being upset too, but he was always very fatigued most of the time - he had a major heart attack plus seven consecutive strokes added to the PD - our mother was not sympathetic and his doctor was not very responsive to Dad's needs ... now, several years later, I have been diagnosed with PD and experiencing some of the earlier symptoms Dad experienced ... what a difference to have a wonderful neurologist, cardiologist and care-giving spouse!!! ... I waken every day with a very grateful heart -

[Hidden in reply to Melodysam1890]

I am going to try the loose bills in the wallet to see what that will do. He seems to be focused on money and takes his wallet out all the time to count it. He has even tried giving it to people he sees. I am hoping this phase will pass quickly. Your dad certainly has experienced a lot of health problems - God Bless Him! I am sorry to hear you have also been diagnosed but remember everyone is different. Yours may not be anything like your dad experiences. A great doctor, loving spouse and your friends will help you get through this. God Bless you also!

[gran5-]

Just lost 25 minutes of texting, maybe I can be brief. The wallet bit is a good idea. It addresses his need to feel sOme control. In fact you need to see to it that you are the one. Trying to do it all is much harder while in mourning! Keep in mind this no longer is the person he once was. Sometimes you might catch glimpses, enoy them. I hope this is helpful and does'nt come across as too cut and dry. It is a lousy spot to be In. I wish you both ease. Joyce.