Personal

[MomoP]

Hi, this is a bit of a personal and very distressing situation. I assume there are many factors involved but I wonder how often medical issues contribute to separation and divorce. ( I am just thinking out loud). I have hesitated writing this post but my friend told me that it takes a village not just for children but adults too. That struck a chord in me. My husband really changed a great deal after my health declined. I won’t get into details but he became very mean and spiteful to me, even throwing my walker at the wall. It was probably the worst time in my life to do it, but I left. Now, after 20 years together/ 15 married ( so much for vows, in sickness and in health), I find myself getting divorced 😢 I’m just disappointed and surprised that this is my life now. ( in poor health and alone). I’m sorry to write this sad post. I’m not looking for sympathy. Im just getting out thoughts that have been in my head for months now. On a positive note, friends, relatives and former coworkers have come out of the woodwork to help me. They have helped me get my belongings, visited and called. They have been a blessing and say I would have done the same in my better day, which is true. Thanks for letting me vent

[Bolt_Upright]

So sorry to hear your relationship is over. If you can Zoom and want to vent to nice people, you can join the Zoom calls MBAnderson is so nice to host:

us02web.zoom.us/j/833522248...

Thursdays, 7 PM – 8 PM-ish, US Central Daylight Time (GMT–6.)

Sundays, 11 am – 12 PM-ish, US CDT.

[MomoP in reply to Bolt_Upright]

Thank you Bolt! I appreciate the invite! I am not quite ready yet. I do appreciate your posts!

[park_bear]

I am loving abiding in splendid solitude - Much better than enduring the aggravation of a toxic relationship.

[MomoP in reply to park_bear]

Thank you . This situation really showed me the toxicity of this relationship. I do worry about being alone, in the sense of my balance being off, etc. I still haven’t found anything to help. Thank you. I am so impressed by the knowledge of this group!

[Grumpy77]

Continue to stay strong. You can never know your true friends until you're down. Cherish those who have come closer to you when are down, they are your true friends (stating the obvious). But be encouraged that you still have plenty of those. Parkinson's disease feeds off depression i.e. progresses fast and gets much worse, so don't let this issue get into you or wear you down (easier said than done, I know). But stay close to those who love you and try to be positive. I've to fight off some 'demons' myself, so I know it's not easy. I hope it gets better for you

[MomoP in reply to Grumpy77]

Thank you Grumpy. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by those rallying around me. I truly appreciate it. I have to fight off feeling sorry for myself, that this is now my life. I think I had no benefit to him anymore. Yes, in one way or another, I am finding out who my true friends are. Thank you!

[lenamm]

I got divorced soon after diagnosis and felt the same. Surprisingly it has not been hard to date . My first boyfriend post divorce was a fellow PWP. I’ve had a few long term relationships since Parkinson’s. Life is not over! I have had PD almost 10 years , now 51.

[MomoP in reply to lenamm]

Thank you Lenamm. I appreciate your support and vote of confidence. My Ex said to me “ who the **** is going to want you? YOU have a disease. Truthfully I am not interested. ( and part of me sadly believes him) Your comment shows that indeed life is not over. Thank you

[DEAT]

I'm so sorry that this has happened and you find yourself "alone".

PD is hard enough to deal with apart from a relationship causing more anxiety and stress.

I wish you all the best as you adjust to a new "normal". Heartbreaking.

Sending love. Stay strong.

D.

[MomoP in reply to DEAT]

Thank you Deat! It’s definitely an adjustment. I requested that my neurologist send me to physical therapy again, hoping I can get stronger ( in many ways). Getting out with other people can’t hurt either.

[Lionore]

I’m sorry that you had to go through a divorce while dealing with PD but your ex wasn’t supportive and trying to keep him from getting angry sure wasn’t good for you. You are not alone; angels seem to show up when we need them most.

[MomoP in reply to Lionore]

Thank you Lionore, yes, I believe the added stress wasn’t helping me

[shaken-not-stirred in reply to MomoP]

Yes - stress is the worst thing for PD. The disease causes stress on it's own without it coming from a partner. My husband has PD and our first neuro said to me "you have the biggest job of all - you have to try to keep stress to a minimum and help him when it visits" Probably doesn't help that PWP can create stress out of thin air - lol! Look after yourself and create a kind and peaceful,positive environment for yourself and laugh - lots!

[PalmSprings]

So sorry to hear. Many people can’t really step up when the going gets tough. This disease helps you find out who is strong and can love you through the messy side of life. I don’t think it means your husband didn’t love you but it showed what he could handle. Best to you and I am glad others have shown up for you.

[MomoP in reply to PalmSprings]

Thank you Palm, to a certain extent I agree with you. But he should have walked away. I agree that some people have a harder time caregiving, but he turned downright mean. He would mock , pretend crying saying “ I can’t walk “ and saying he wouldn’t help me that he needed to teach me a lesson. I might have physical, medical issues, but I still have my self respect.

[PalmSprings in reply to MomoP]

I hear you. He sounds like a lemon.

[rhyspeace12]

My husband died 4 years ago with Parkinson's. We had been married for 58 years. Taking care of him the last 10 years was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I'm 82 now. I have a grand life, all things considered. I fought off breast cancer a couple of years ago.

Two of my good friends are close to 90 and are taking care of their husbands and it is a lot of work. Their husbands are 5 years younger than them! They are spending their last years taking care of another (mostly grumpy)person instead of being able to go out and enjoy themselves. Your health may be poor but you are free as a bird to care only for yourself.

[MomoP in reply to rhyspeace12]

Thank you Peace for your reply and support. I appreciate the kind words and encouraging way to look at this. Thank you so much

[ZOOM4522]

I ,can certainly sympathize with you Momo. On Aug. 22, 2022, I agreed to go to a facility for ten weeks at the request of my wife who had been having health issues with codify after a bout with Co-Vix

[ZOOM4522]

I'd can certainly sympathize with you.Momo; on Aug. 22, 2022, at the request of my wife (who had health issues of C-Diff coupled with Co-Vid), I agreed to go to a care facility for ten weeks. She deserved a break from care-giving. I had been falling a couple of times per week, but never anything serious. I am so lonely as my wife is saying she cannot be my caregiver any longer. I am 6ery frustranew rf0 miles from home. I have been wheelchair-bound since Day One at the facility thus my balance is nonexistent. I am very frustrated; I am not allowed to do anything without assistance. I am considered a fall.risk so the therapy people at the facility are telling my wife that I will always need assistance when walking with any kind of walking and that I will need somebody.in the home 24/7. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!

[MomoP in reply to ZOOM4522]

Zoom, Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am sorry that you are in your current situation too My heart goes out to you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing

[shaken-not-stirred in reply to ZOOM4522]

I am sorry to hear that Zoom - I have spinal issues and use a walker - my PWP had 3 bad falls last year and broke ribs - had severe concussion and dislocated his shoulder - and getting difficult to live with - he was on a drug I was never happy about. Short version between our GP and neuro and myself we got him off this drug in December last year and he has bounced back from how he was to what he used to be - at no time did I consider putting him into care.

What you are saying could have happened to him if I had been selfish and thrown away 30 odd years of marriage - we are here for each other and that is how it should be! I am sad that both you and Momo have had to go thru what you have and I wish that there was some way I could assist you both.