You're Lazy let's break up he says

[Nippermcc]

husband says I am lazy and don't contribute to the home. I tried to explain it is the parkinsons--hard to contribute to the home activities and rarely drive anymore, though I can. Lately he has gotten physical with me not hitting or anything just more contact than I need. so HE wants to break up, also advising me I am a lot of work and won't have anyone to help me with house, driving to shop, etc. He is right: I have no one-what do I DO??? I have no one.

[Grumpy77]

Get your family doctor or your neurologist to explain what Parkinson and its many symptoms are to him and let them confirm your diagnosis to him.

He is your husband, if he sees physical evidence of PD and confirmed officially that you have PD.... if he doesn't understand, if he still complains your are lazy, if he still wants a break up, then give him just that!

Marriage is for better or for worse

If he says you won't have anyone he is preying on your vulnerability, stay clear away from him. Fighting your battle alone is bad but fighting your battle with a little devil continuously pulling you down is much much worse!!!

[Getz in reply to Grumpy77]

Mate, you hit the nail right on the head. Life is better without the negativity. Sounds like a crap relationship to me if its all one way.

[tid1]

Can you talk to him and ask him what more he expects you to do? It might help to include a counselor or minister in this discussion if he is willing. Maybe there is something more you can do. Can you do a little dusting or help do something to prepare meals while sitting down? Any exercise you get - even walking around the house will help you too.

He may feel trapped so maybe if you can afford to have someone be with you one day a week while he can get out on his own this may help.

[Nippermcc in reply to tid1]

thank you all for your amazing, resounding messages. I placed an order for the hcl, park ball, and niacin (thank you too tidi!) I told my hb about the thiamin order and we continued living together a few more days (still are) when I went to use the toilet, slipped on the bathroom carpet and landed on the toilet seat at a difficult angle. Husband comes in and says he is tired of helping me get dressed, use the toilet...these are things I should be doing myself...no one else would do all that he does for me, especially a nursing home. they'd just put me in a diaper and forget about me. Probably right. So we are at an impass right now. I wonder if I could live alone with a home health aide coming in mornings & evenings...but would that be too expensive? Could I even do it?

That HCL is sounding better and better.

We talked about all this again today including a possible breakup

[JANET127 in reply to Nippermcc]

I live in the US so I do not know about your Health Care system, but here they send aids in morning ,noon, and night. To dress you, undress you, help you shower, help with meals. That is if your total disabled and the cost is 00000! Try it by yourself with aids, see how it goes. Test the waters..you may enjoy it! Just sayin' LOL Janet127

[tid1 in reply to Nippermcc]

You can check with your state medicare/medicaid office to see if they can provide home health care or a place to live where they can provide the assistance you need. I know this is a big step - but you would probably be much happier without the verbal abuse.

Based on your comments, you may need a a nursing care facility. (This would actually be better than Assisted Living because Medicaid won't pay for Assisted Living and you would get a lot more help with personal needs in a Nursing Care Facility. I went down this road for my mother in law a couple of years ago. You can probably get Medicaid to pay for living in a nursing care facility if you have assets less than $2000. (That was the limit for Colorado.) I can't recall if they included a home shared with a spouse in this asset limit, but I don't think they did.

Some nursing facilities will not take Medicaid patients, or they will only take Medicaid patients who can private pay for their living expenses for 12-24 months before going on Medicaid. The Medicaid office in your state should be able to tell you which facilities accept Medicaid patients. Most facilities have a counselor who can help you fill out the forms to apply for Medicaid. You definitely don't want to do this without help. My husband and I are both college graduates, and we couldn't figure out how to answer some of the questions.

You might be able to find a link to information in your state here:

cms.gov/Medicare-Medicaid-C...

( Colorado is shown first because I searched for my state, but some other states are listed on the left if you page down.)

If you can't find information for you state here, then go to the main website for your state and search for Medicaid.

If nothing else, these people should be able to tell you who to call in your area for help.

[JANET127]

Call the closest YWCA and ask for Domestic Violence Center. That's what I did when he said he wanted a divorce. Then I filed! Gave him just what he wanted! He was pissed! Because he could always manipulate me, put me down, tell me I will have noone, then he lost his CONTROL of me! Going to support groups at the Y, the counciling, they become a coach! Also they are informative about outside free help for you! Nurses,cleaners,drivers! REACH OUT! You will be glad you did! No one needs to be abused mentally or physically..especially when they have a permanent disability! I reached out...The YWCA taught me so much..that I am a different person today! I was taught to not like myself..Now I love who I am! ITS ONLY A PHONE CALL AWAY! God, watch over Nippermcc! Janet127

[park_bear]

Agree with Janet - give him what he wants. Start making calls to divorce lawyers NOW. Find a good one and get the process going. He is going to be in for a very rude surprise because abandoning you will cost him dearly and you will find new support. Also keep notes on his behavior. If he is making physical contact with you in ways you do not want you are entitled to make that stop, with a call to the police if necessary.

Most places have a domestic violence prevention organization. Find out who it is for your area and start talking with them.

[Hidden]

Start high dose thiamine hcl. Stop progression of Parkinson's. Reverse symptoms. Now live independent.

[grandmama16]

That is terrible....what happened to For Better or for Worse? My hubby has PD, and I have Fibro. Epstein Barr plus others.......but, at least we are retired. Neither one of us get much done....just in bits and pieces. Tonight we'll go to PD meeting with a free dinner. Hooray, no cooking. I have little dinner ideas anymore. We're mid 70's. I know it's going to be harder as time goes on with hubby and I get scared. His legs freeze when getting up and only tremors get worse in eve and he's sleepy. He takes carb/levadopa at night. So far that seems to work but he is tired a lot as I am.. I take Provigil for that, 1/2 in AM, but I don't know if he should. He did take Resigiline but we discovered it may have caused a couple of falls due to raise in blood pressure. In the med. readouts it said not to be taken together. What?! He hasn't been to any Dr. in quite awhile. He switched from the Univ. PD dept.an hour away, to a nuerologist in our town but are not happy with him. I have a GP for everything except we both go to a Dermotologist and have had skin cancer surgeries. Also eye Drs. Now he has double vision in one eye. No one knows why. I wish you luck, and give prayers, for your marriage. Not Fair. M.A. in USA

[parkie13]

Echoing Roy prop if you're not taking thiamine HCL start taking thiamine HCL . It is cheap and safe. You can start with 500 mg twice a day. What other medication are you taking, you might be under medicated. you said that you can drive, are you living in a very congested area or would your driving be safe? Can you maybe do simple grocery shopping. Your husband must be overwhelmed, I am not excusing his behavior. Perhaps you could plan a few simple baked in the oven meals something like baked chicken baked potato and broccoli? Or maybe a pork roast with a baked potato and broccoli?.

Do you have a support group in your area? When is the last time that you've been to see a doctor? Can you get your husband to go with you so maybe the doctor can explain what happens when you have Parkinson's and maybe he can say something about the lack of motivation and tiredness. I can tell you one thing you will start feeling better when you medication is right and when thiamine HCL kicks in.

And if worse comes to be let it be. Things always seem to work out somehow. Sending good thoughts your way. You will feel better. Mary

[Astra7]

You are in a terrible situation and I feel for you. I think you will find your symptoms improve if he is out of your life. The stress must be dreadful. There are external support agencies that will be able to help if you are alone. You just don’t need all that abuse and negativity. Was he ever a good husband?

[MBAnderson]

It's a good thing we all LUV chiming in on other people's relationships.

Astra7 got it right.

You're in a terrible situation, but you know that.

I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him. There's no love there. Love is supposed to grow. Treating you like that is contemptuous.

"Getting physical, but not hitting you" -- yet. It is not a matter of if, but when.

No doubt leaving him will be hard. There's no shortage of (strong) women who lived through your situation and come out the other end better for it.

A lot of men are assholes. You married one. Not because he doesn't love you, (lotta couples fall out of love,) but because of how he treats you. There are mature, civil ways to end relationships.

His behavior is that of someone who can't take responsibility.

That'll be $100, please.

[MBAnderson in reply to MBAnderson]

PS. I meant to work in the word "selfish," too.

[M1tz1]

So sad you're going through this, Nippermcc. PD is bad enough. You're in my prayers.

[SilentEchoes]

The sad truth is that 50% of marriages end when a spouse becomes disabled. These were not strong marriages to begin with. You are not alone and you are stronger than you know.

I am a survivor of domestic violence and it is a vicious feed back loop that you are stuck in the situation and powerless to do anything about it. You always have a choice. But choosing to stay will destroy you.

You are worthy of love, and the first step is learning to love yourself. There are good people who aren't afraid to love someone with a disability.

If it helps you see his conduct for what it is; my ex-husband was fond of calling me fat, ugly, lazy, crazy and stupid. He said no one would ever want me and I was lucky to have him (while he was bedding my best friend and anyone else who crossed his path). I was lucky to escape with a broken hand and my life. And I wasn't disabled.

I am married to a prince of a man who stands by me, adores me and takes his vows to heart. I would not have this life if I hadn't left the old one behind. It is hard, but you can do it. Now get going, your life is waiting. My prayers go with you.

[Motherfather]

hi fellow pd i only wish your husband gets pd him self so he can understand what its like for you yes he wants a divorce its only a matter of time before it will happen im a great beliver in what goes around comes around and some thing bad will happen to him.all you can do now is have a good think about what you will do and dont leave it 2 long it might be a good idea dont talk to him at all.. but i imagine you live far away from me but i will send a prayer to you that everything will work out for you.best wishes for you hope every thing turns out good for you and your family.regards john.

[Motherfather]

youtu.be/RBumgq5yVrA(Not working as expected?)

[gingerj]

Only you know how strong your relationship is. I think that a diagnosis such as Parkinson's affects both of you. It saps you're future plans away. Those plans you had together. I've thought many times about how splitting up may benefit my wife and give her a chance to look forward again. I think you may need to sit down and really talk it out, in the hope that you can make some new plans maybe simpler plans like a holiday or several short breaks together. Live each day and think less about the future. Simplify things.

[Nippermcc in reply to gingerj]

he says he doesn't mind helping occasionally but he never planned to take 24/7 care of me. I'm now 60 and could probably live much longer even with the Parkenson's...that's work for him that he never planned to do.

[gingerj in reply to Nippermcc]

Is he saying that or are you assuming it?

[Nippermcc in reply to gingerj]

that's him

[alaynedellow]

I am so sorry for your plight. He is maipulating and demeaning you- you do NOT deserve it. This will raise your anxiety levels and freeze you more. You may live alone but if you a dirty plate out the world won't end. Living alone is not as horrid or scary as living with a bully and the threat of what might be.

Rise up and leave him in his dirt- you deserve peace to deal with PD. Be strong don't listen to him belittling you.