For as long as I can remember I have loved the written word. I Have been a poet my entire life, the words flowing free from my soul. Parkinson's has stole my passion by locking up my words somewhere deep inside my mind. I keep opening doors, peeking around corners, looking under things but I just can't find a way to express myself anymore. Occasionally I can get the words out but it's like pulling teeth and it fills me with anxiety. This poem, I think, explains it all.
THIS VOID
When I close
my eyes
all I see are
blank pages.
Bright,
White,
Glaring back
At me
A fleeting thought
Runs across
The page
As I try to
Write it down
it disappears
Into
the margin.
I try again
this time
a few words,
a completed
thought,
racing across
the crisp
white space.
One word,
one word sticks,
"can't".
It's jumping off
the page,
screaming,
large,
and angry!
"CAN'T"!
Suddenly
Words begin
dropping
onto the page.
"what the hell",
"what"?,
"stop"?
"what
does that mean"?
It is as if
my head had
opened and
every word and
every thought
now came
raining down,
pounding into
little black specks
that angry
word
"CAN'T"!
filling the once
void space
with words,
my words,
my thoughts,
every inch
of the space
now filled
with
all the
if's,
and,
& buts
of my soul.
Written by
jupiterjane
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it's better than Alzheimer's which is one long forgetting and loss. Memories, interests, and people you recognize this month may be elusive or gone the next. With AD people can forget who their spouse is or children are. In my experience PWPD don't do that.
No one deserves either PD or AD, of course. But here we are and we have the opportunity (responsiblity?) to do what we can. To save what we can. "So much is lost but so much remains"
Nice to see your poetry back again. I wondered where you had gone to.
PD might destroy the bodily things we like to do, walking, socialising hobbies etc .
but it will not daunt my spirit.
can't = I can, and will!
I wish you all the best, keep that poetry flowing.
I don't think you've lost anything. That poem to me is brilliant. I'd say it could well be used in schools etc. you never loose a talent like writing poetry it may change style for a while but the words are still there. Just keep writing and embrace the diversity...
It's amazing, JupiterJane, how your words describes how I feel about painting. I used to get an image in my head and cant' wait to implement it and fill up the canvas as fast as I could. Now, I CAN"T seem to cross over to where the art materials are and pick up the brush. I have all kinds of excuses. Recently, though, I approached this a llittle differently. I just START. I can always quit if I wanted to. But, just starting is a big hurdle. I accept the Parky me. CAN'T paint like I used to ..but just START... and go on the best way I know how. I figure that even though I don't want to cook, I still have to if I want to nourish my body, so I paint very slowly, so that I can nourish my spirit and soul. Just START, Jupiterjane, even if it's just one word.... this last poem you wrote must be a very satisfying expression. I recently painted the bottom of one huge flower on the top portion of a canvas and just a stem flowing down the rest of the long canvas. I have it hanging up now on the terrace. I don't think I can post a photo of it..........can I?
Awesome poem Unleash the thoughts....I try and find my refuge in words myself....It is not an easy condition..... try putting the thots out... will help...all the best
Please don't give up. This poem was, as usual, thought provoking. I always recognise when it is your work and make sure I read it. I have so enjoyed your work. You are an amazing person and this site would be poorer without you.
Thanks for your kind words. You can see more of my work, poetry and paintings at a website of Artists I belong to called Deviant Art. Here is the link: wordconvict.deviantart.com/
Good poem. Keep on writing. Writing is always a struggle, even for those without PD. I heard of a writer's program that gets people with Alzheimer's Disease writing down memories of their life and what was important to them. It was on National Public Radio. Knowing they were going to forget, PwAD get memories down on paper, sometimes with the help of family members. That helper, or the writing itself, is like a 'memory keeper.' The essence of the person's personality and uniqueness remains. And that's reassuring, to know that grandchildren will have something of that person, like a message in the proverbial bottle.
PwPD are worthy of that struggle, as this poem demonstrates.
I think a terrific anthology could be put together which would help other PD patients. I'm a caregiver and a poet and led poetry workshops. I only wish I had the wherewithal to do something like collect poems for an online anthology.
I'm a full time professional screenwriter and TV writer. When I first realized that my shaky fingers were making typing seem like I was a rattling skelton. I didn't freak out but what did do was stick to it. My output was not the quantity that it once was but my quality was probably better - having seen a darker side of life. I can go deeper.
love your poetry and feel the pain of your loss but poetry comes from the soul ( as you well know) and you can never lose that Jane..so take heart and keep believing.xx
sounds like youre doing better than you are crediting yourself for, i keep getting told I am not as confused as I think, do you think thats part of the PD is we magnify our perception of our confusion? I was diagnosed in March of 2011. I am on three different meds for the PD most recent for pd dementia others for trremors.
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Unleash the thoughts....I try and find my refuge in words myself....It is not an easy condition..... try putting the thots out... will help...all the best
To You
White spotlights running up and down across my face 
Cello playing
