If you and your family of 6 moved in to help your parent who has PD and he decided to hire a live-in, would you stay or move out?

[DAUGHTERofPD]

It is more cost effective for my Dad to hire a live-in caretaker/companion at this point. I am working part time and helping him part time. He needs someone with him at all times because his severe OFF's are unpredictable. There are already 8 of us living in the house. Moving a live-in caretaker in also seems to be too much for me, but he doesn't understand. Am I off base?

[shasha]

I GUESS YOU HAVE ANSWERED IT YOURSELF - HE NEEDS SOMEONE FULL TIME - THOUGH YOU MUST BE A BIT HURT - HAVE YOU MOVED FOM YOUR OWN HOME ?

[WayneP]

Wow, such a tough question!! I am wondering what is going on in your dad's head? Have you had a talk with him about this. Seems like adding another person to a already crowded home could cause some problems. Is he not wanting to burden you with his problems anymore? Does he feel you and your family need to live your lives? These are question you should be asking. In the end, what are the best for him but also do you feel the need to do this yourself? Or is it too much with a family too? Be honest here. How does your husband fit into all this, how is he doing mentally. And the kids?

[slg1213 in reply to WayneP]

Just plain crazy. Took care of my father for 21 yrs with my husband and daughter. My Dad was hard to live with and hard to take care of. Finally had t[o put him in

a nursing home but moved him around a lot. But then was called home and went violently to sleep( fell and cut his head open) bled out all over the room. police would not let us see him at all. so its your decision.

[Parkinson_Schmarkinson]

I agree with Wayne...you need more info here. My guess is that he's trying to take the pressure off you. But what do I know? MAybe he's being irrational.

I would add one more thing: DON'T take it personally. You are clearly a caring and generous daughter.

[Hidden]

Wow, such a dilemma. Did you leave your home for good? or can you go back to it? How far between you and your father (in miles or whatever)? Does he take orders from you or do you have to be careful about giving them? There are a lot of unanswered questions about your role and your father's role in this whole situation.

[bawford]

WOW if 7 people moved in to 'help' me, I'd go bonkers. Family, especially. Love em to pieces but, think about it. Put your self into his shoes, then pray with him and the other 6. Are you always under his feet, your stuff everywhere, or neat and he may like it messy, are you paying your own expenses AND helping with his (utilities, house pmt etc)? Is she a professional caregiver? Maybe she can teach your family how to help grandpap so it will be a loving memory not a 'in his way' memory.

[DAUGHTERofPD]

My husband and children moved from our own home to help my father who had 2 minor strokes, a back surgery and was starting to also need more help due to PD. I also have a handicap sister whom my Dad took care of for many years. I am now taking care of her too. On top of that I have four children. One is in college, the others are 16, 14 and 8. I used to be a full time realtor and also run a part time gymnastics business.

Little by little my Dad needed more and more help. Now he cannot be left alone. We don't know when he'll turn 'Off' or how sever the 'Off' will be when he does. Started out with a caregiver coming 3 days per week, just to give me some time to get out of the house and try to work. In the end, that wasn't enough. It gradually increased to 6 days per week from 7am-1pm. I haven't been able to work for the past year. I can't make any money. My family is sufferting because of it. On the other side, I've done everything I can to be there for my Dad and sister. I take him to all of his appointments, organized and prepare all of his medications (taking PD meds every 2 hours now), make sure he eats, clean up after him, etc. Unfortunately I can't keep up with my family's needs; especially my children.

My Dad is to the point where he wants someone to sit in his room with him, talk, watch a movie and keep him company all day. I just can't do that. As much as I would like to, I am constantly hearing "Mommy" or having to take care of my other obligations. My husband is dealing with a lot as well. Living in my Dad's home isn't easy for him at all. While my Dad needs more assistance from caregivers, he is very angry with me and makes me feel terrible on a daily basis. He says things like "Since you don't want this job... (taking care of him)" or "Since you want to sleep at night instead of helping me, I have to hire someone to do it" It's not that I WANT to sleep, I need to sleep. No matter what happens during the night, I have to get up at 6am and won't have any down time until about 10pm. It's a difficult situation.

Now my Dad has agreed to 24 hour care, 5 days per week. My husband and I have agreed to care for him for the last 48 hours of the week. The caregiver will have a designated area to sleep and have privacy at night during the 5 days she is here. She works for an agency and has experience with PD patients. She is very good. At this point, I am planning to use the time that she is caring for my Dad to get back to work and try to make some money. Once I save up enough, I need to decide whether to stay here or move out, giving my family some peace and a home of our own. My Dad continues to make it clear that this is HIS house. It is a very frustrating and difficult situation. I know that my Dad is better off with family around him. Living in this big house with only his caregiver may depress him even more than he already is.

[Juliachq]

Sounds like he's fighting to maintain control on many points.