ileostomy i 2009

hi i am 59 years old now. had my ileostomy 6 years ago. my husband died way b4 that. i feel great but lonely. i started on a web site to meet a nice man. what do i do with my ileostomy? i would have to tell him. what happens when fooling around? how do i make sure bag and appliance dont leak? has anyone been in this situation? what do i do? is there an ileostomy dating site?

7 Replies

  • Hello montelau. I am 61 and had my ileostomy operation in 1998. I was divorced in 2005 and had 7 years on my own, since I remarried. My ileostomy has never proved to be an issue when meeting or having a relationship with someone. I found my second wife on a normal dating site, PlentyofFish. It is free and very good. If you want more than dating to emerge then always mention your bag. But if they love and respect you they will accept you as you are. Have you accepted you as you are? Your stoma care nurse/doctor may be of help here. Body image courses might be available to you. With leaks, these can happen at any time, as you probably know. But flange extenders and belts are available and also which will give you more security and peace of mind. Finally, your ileostomy operation saved your life! You are alive. See this as a new and exciting and challenging chapter in your life. All the very best.

    Ian (Scarborough, England)

  • It is not the end of life. Ostomy (Ileostomy) is there to save your life. I wonder why people who have gone through this surgery are left alone by their partners. I feel really bad about them.

  • My wife did not leave me because of my bag; she accepted it from day one, as she did my colitis. No, it was another issue why we divorced. Marriage vows are not, in a lot of cases today, upheld: sickness and in health... should be adhered to. No-one can foresee the future. But if we really love the person we should stick by them. If we find it difficult there is plenty of support out there.

  • Hi . I'm Christine . I too have an ileostomy . This is my 3rd one. Had rectal stump removed . I was married 30 years . Now seperated and have met someone who doesn't care about my stoma . We have a fantastic sex life . Have fun enjoy . By the way I'm 56 life is for living not regretting . Be proud of your stoma xx

  • hi Christine, i am still in the process of thinking about getting surgery, although it seem inevitable. i am separated 3 years and hoped to meet someone else but now i just cant imagine it. how did you do it?

  • I very much endorse all of Yorkie_1 s comments.

    Me - Happily married for 45 years, now aged 73. My previous girl friend(s) including my super wife where not bothered by the presence of a bag. (they thought of it as a novelty I think). You can get small quiet bags now - make sure they are free of wind & content before you do 'the deed' I think you will find that your partner is more interested in other bits of you. Really, it's not a big deal.

    (Ileostomy for 54y at aged 15y. :-)

  • you need to fill the bag with air and think of the comfort when laid on for your partner