cancer caregiving: My husband should be... - Care Community

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cancer caregiving

moowife
moowife

My husband should be starting cancer treatment within the month. I am trying to juggle working and his appointment which are numerous. Once treatment starts then I will have to deal with side effects including swallowing issues. He could even have a feeding tube. If he does, my insurance company will allow nursing help. Otherwise, I am on my own. There is no one else to help. This is a recurrence of his cancer. Most everyone abandoned us when he was first diagnosed.

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Callendersgal
CallendersgalModerator

Hello moowife, I feel for you as this is just as scary for you as for your husband, and you have the extra burden of having to provide support and care.

It's not an easy journey for any carer and it doesn't seem to matter where in the world you are when you become a carer, your voice seems very small, and people stop noticing the increasing burden you are taking on.

I wish I had some magical cure to the stress and worry this induces, and then this forum wouldn't even be necessary, but sad to say there are so many unnoticed, unsung heroes doing what you are having to do.

But, and it's a big one, many people do this from a place of love. We sign up for it when we commit to caring for someone else generally as our partners through life. And when the chips are down and you are exhausted and wondering what's coming next, maybe it might help a little bit to remember why you do it.

For some of our members it's been the last sort of care they were ever able to provide for a loved one, and when it's come to an end, they feel a glow of satisfaction that they not only did the right thing, but a loving thing and something you hope your partner would have done for you if the tables were turned.

Friends, family and aquaintances can all get very awkward around life threatening illness and especially cancer. I don't know why. It's crazy, but they just don't know what to say or do.

If you can, reach out to those round about you and be as honest as you can. Admit to your fear, your difficulty in coping and ask outright for some practical help. Some people are really good at being practical but they really need to know it's welcomed. Others will offer shoulders for you to cry on, but again, you need to let them know that it's emotional support you are looking for.

If it will help at all, please come back here and post..... anything...... your fears, your anger or whatever you are feeling. We'll try always to give you some support as you face this really difficult time in your life.

Take care and try to stay strong. 🌺

thanks. I forgot to mention this is a recurrence of his cancer and this time is much harder than the first time.

Callendersgal
CallendersgalModerator in reply to moowife

Hi moowife, I did notice that from your profile page. I can only imagine how much more difficult it is when you think you've defeated cancer to have to go through it all again. Remember we are here for you and even though we can only be of limited help, it sometimes helps to just let it all out. Take care!

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador

Hello moowife, how difficult the situation is for you and your dear husband. I can only echo Callendersgal’s words and hope you can get all the help and support you need. It’s sad when people stay away when you need them most but many just don’t know what to say or do...... that’s no real excuse though is it. My sister and brother in law lost friends when he was diagnosed with colon cancer some years ago. A shame but we supported them as best we could.

Please come and post on here anytime you need to. We’re here for you always.

Thinking of you both. Xxx🌈

moowife
moowife in reply to sassy59

wish I could get some support at work.

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador in reply to moowife

Do you have an HR department or anyone you could speak to? They need to be flexible under such extreme circumstances. I wish you well. Xx

moowife
moowife in reply to sassy59

we have an employee assistance program so I am going to reach out to them.

sassy59
sassy59Ambassador in reply to moowife

Pleased to hear that. Hope they can help. Xx

Have you contacted your local hospice ? They are so helpful and nurses can come out or they are on the end of the phone . They are there for patients and carers . Take care xx

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