Caregiving 101

[Shertag]

Hi, I’m new to this community and I need help. My husband of 32 years has stage 4 prostate cancer, my 88 yr old father in law has dementia, stage 4 prostate cancer, fell and broke his hip in January and my 91 yr old mother in law is his full time caregiver. I have become their keeper as she likes to call me. I do drs appts, housekeeping, grocery shopping and lots of repeating myself. We are rural with not a lot of outside sources for me to learn my job. I don’t know what I’m doing. Yes I can shop, keep house, but I don’t know what to do with living. Day to day trying to help her understand and keep him from being wheel chair bound. I have never been around dementia so I feel out of my element. Sometimes feel like I’m making them worse. Any ideas or advise would be appreciated.

Thanks and my love to all caregivers out there.

Sherry

[sassy59]

Welcome to the Care Community Sherry and may I just say what an enormous responsibility you have. You’re really doing a great job without any help.

I would advise you to get in touch with your local council, social services and go onto the Alzheimer’s website.

We are here for you if you want to chat so please remember that.

Wishing you well and stay safe xxx 🌈

[Hidden]

Hi Sherry,

I see that sassy59 has already welcomed you, but may I add my own welcome too. I hope we can be of help to you. You have your hands very full! And I think that's why you are feeling as you do. You are simply overwhelmed. You are having to spread yourself very thinly because there is only so much you can achieve.

And you don't have to do all of this alone. Help is out there, it's just a matter of accessing it.

It's probably a bit of a bad time to get help quickly, but I'd still suggest you get the ball rolling. If your dad hasn't been assessed by social services, then he certainly should be, and I'm pretty sure you'd qualify for some help whether financially to help you access other help, or practical in terms of aids and assistance for not only your dad but your elderly mum-in-law. That might free up some valuable time so that you can be of more help to your husband.

Your local council will have a website where you'll find a number to call for an assessment. Alternatively seek the help of your dad's, or even your own GP. In times of need they can often help fast-track an assessment. Other agencies that can help are AgeUK and Citizens' Advice Bureau.

Age UK: ageuk.org.uk

Citizens Advice Bureau: citizensadvice.org.uk

I hope you can access some help soon. Please do come back again if you need further help, and to let us know how you get on. Very best wishes.

[Hellebelle]

Hi Sherry and welcome.

You have been given some excellent advice . I agree that a good starting point is to ask to be assessed for your in laws care needs from adult social care. They should be able to point you in the right direction. You can also ask for a benefits check to make sure you are claiming all your entitlements. For example your father in law and mother in law might be able to claim attendance allowance which could help to pay for extra care if needed. Age UK, the Alzheimers Society and Citizens advice will all give advice on the phone during these times. If aids or adaptations are needed in the home then adult social care can refer your in laws for an Occupational Therapy Assessment.

I really hope you are able to access help as it sounds as if you have an awful lot on your plate.

Please let us know how you get on.

Helen

[Shertag]

I have heard from the palliative care dr today. We have an appointment to see if it will be if benefit. I looked into our council of aging and have the phone numbers to call. So we will see. Thanks for all the advise

[Hidden]

Hi Sherry, Good news about the palliative care doctor. That's one step forward for you. Hope we've been of help, and please do stay in touch and let us know how you get on. Take care. 🌈🙏

[Shertag in reply to Hidden]

Thanks I really needed the boost you guys gave me to look further then the drs. His family dr said yep he’s got it see you next month. So Virgina shut down and I didn’t push. Now I’m going to the young@heart council for aging and signed up for classes on Alzheimer.org.