Mums Legs

[Uzula]

Mums legs and feet are extremely swollen for which she is on furesomide (dose had to be decreased as they were affecting her kidneys) the trouble is they have become so heavy, she is having difficulty lifting them into bed and I lift them for her. During the day this is ok although I find it very wearing but at night its driving me mad because she constantly wakes up and sits on the bed and calls me when she wants to lie down again same as when she goes to the toilet (which is becoming a struggle for her and she has to use her trolley to get there because she can`t walk unaided. I`m constantly being woken out of a deep sleep and I`m exhausted and its making me feel bad tempered with her, in fact I was so wound up last night I hardly slept at all. I don`t know what the solution is, can her bed be changed for a hospital one to lower it? but I can`t see her agreeing to it. She has vascular dementia and things are trying enough as it is. Has anyone got any suggestions please.

[Vonnieruth]

I would suggest you get doctor out again and have a good chat about all your problems You may be able to get help regarding a bed Do you put mums legs on a pillow when she's in bed .If you have a small slide sheet you could use that to slide her legs out of bed That would ease the pressure slightly for you Try also elevating when she is up Sounds like it's a form of odeama due to not mobilising and they do become rock solid

[Uzula in reply to Vonnieruth]

Hi Vonnieruth, yes I do put mums legs on a pillow but its not the sitting up that`s the problem its when she wants to lie down again. I had a doctor from the mental health team here the other day and I did tell him but he didn`t say anything because he was trying to think of a solution to help her sleep through the night. He didn`t want to give her a sleeping tablet as he said it could make her feel dizzy when she wakes up and then she might fall so he`s going to increase her Sertraline in the day (don`t know if that will help) she just doesn`t sleep for very long and constantly asks for food even when she`s just eaten. I know she can`t help her behaviour but its driving me mad.

[Vonnieruth in reply to Uzula]

It's because her short term memory is effected Im back in work Monday I will speak to my manager and double check who you can contact to see if there is help for you Do you have a social work for mum

[Vonnieruth in reply to Uzula]

Sounds like you need a break Have you thought of letting mum go in respite for a few weeks It is hard I know but it will give you what I always call a little me time Let you relax and unwind a little while you know mums being cared for You have to think of yourself also What if you should get sick . Do you go to the local cares group Ours near me do pamper days social afternoons etc Helps you feel human again See if you can arrange with a home if you decided on respite if mum can go for lunch one day first see how she is I work with dementia and I know how it takes it toll on you dedicated carers You need your social worker to step up and help you with making life a little easier

[Uzula in reply to Vonnieruth]

Hi again, Mum would never ever agree to respite and she wouldn`t like a stranger to be here whilst I went anywhere, the mental health doctor asked her about day centres etc but she said no. Mum is a very private person and she also gets very angry if she knows I`ve called a doctor so I always have to do that behind her back and if I know they are coming to see her I become very anxious because I know she doesn`t like it. Mum is and always has been a difficult person.

[Vonnieruth in reply to Uzula]

Sounds hard I know but I'm going to say it You have a duty of care to look after your own well being besides your mum What would happen if you got so sick you needed hospitailizing to recover.What would happen to mum then You need to do what is best for you and your mum and if that means going against her so that she may continue to have you to care for her then you must do what will benefit you both in the long run Please discuss this with someone Get a social worker involved It's no good running yourself into the ground

[Hidden]

Hi Uzula,

The first thing you need to do is to share with someone in a professional capacity about how hard it is to cope and how exhausted and bad tempered it's beginning to make you. I'd suggest that your GP surgery is the best start, even if it's not your mum's Practice. Because this is really about your physical and mental health, which are currently in jeopardy.

There are a range of things that could be tried, like the change of bed you mention and even a pre-sleep catheterization which might help her to make it through the night. (That sounds draconian, but I know several people with compromised kidneys who are successfully on that routine).

Anyway, it's for a health professional to decide what might best help, with your approval of course, but please, don't go on in this frame of mind. It's not healthy for you or your mum.

Very best wishes and I hope you find a restful solution soon.

[lKeith]

Uzula

Sorry to hear your plight, I also have swollen ankles/feet and already am taking Fouresomide but I also take tablet with them called Spironolactone. The district nurse advised me also to wear an elasticated stocking, sizes can be measured to suit, unfortunately they require a technique to put them on but it is said they do assist circulation and help the meds get around.

You could try your local palliative care team, they arranged a hospital bed for me together with other aid items which have proved very useful. They generally come to you and are very helpful, give it a go. Hospital beds can be adjusted up/down tilted & various other positions.

I would however talk your problems through with the local GP. You may even get respite care for your Mum thro' the palliative care team which at least in the short term would give you a break and with respite care other aids may be discovered tohelp with your daily nursing.

IKeith

[Ladyuponthelake]

Hi Uzula, I've read all the replies and there isn't anything I could add. I had a very difficult Mum and can understand the love and the duty you feel. But as stated by Vonnieruth, YOU have a duty of care for YOU. And of course the GP is the first port as well as the 'help for Carers'

I wish you WELL and Peace 🧚‍♀️🌻❤