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Going into Going into respite

My father in law is 99 this year and has later stages of Frontal lobe dimentia plus he is doubly in continent He is still lives at home with his wife if 93 and has a bed downstairs. He has careers 4 times a day but often refuses to be changed which then means that my wife or her sister have to do the task under some duress from him . He can be very rude to the careers He recently has had 2 falls , paramedic call out, hospital and returned all in less than 24 hours. They have been married for 72 years and mother is worried about him going in a home as she feels she should look after him which she cannot. All of the problems are getting too much for mum and we want to give her a rest We have just been accepted for a 2 weeks respite which will give her that rest and she has agreed it is a good idea eventually. However when we come to the day we believe he will dig his heels in and refuse to go. Anybody experienced this we would be really grateful for your ideas Please HELP

3 Replies

What a great age your in-laws are Ken but very sad too as your father in law has dementia.

What about discreetly packing a few things for him and taking him out for a ride. When you get to the home, get him inside for a cup of tea or coffee and discreetly leave or say you will see him later.

I know it all sounds underhand but it could save enormous upset. We had to do that with my mother in law. She is now in a care home permanently.

I do wish you well xxxxxx


What a wonderful age and to be together for so long , amazing, but it's so difficult isn't it, my Mum had dementia so.i Know how hard it so explain things to them, if you took your Mum along saying you were all going for an outing and as sassy said calling at this place for tea, and maybe your Mum staying there for a. bit till he settles into new surroundings then discreetly leaving do you think that would help, your Mum definitely needs a break and realistically how long can she carry on caring at her age, is maybe a good thing, maybe he'll like it there and agree to stay and your Mum can visit regularly, I do hope it turns out ok for you, it's such a difficult time, take care

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Welcome Ken-Camp to our community! As you have begun to see folks here are very supportive and many will know how you feel and have similar experiences to yourself. This is a difficult time and situation for you all, and caring for loved ones with dementia, can be very challenging and draining. I definitely sounds like you need some respite.

Do keep your father-in-law's GP, Practice Nurse and District Nurse in the loop, as they may well be able to offer some sound advice, signpost to other support services, and support you guys. It's important to make sure that medication reviews are up-to-date.

Here's a link to the Alzheimer's UK site for more information to help you:


Hope this helps.

Best wishes


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