Comfort Zone..............

[littleloobs]

I decided to give my late husband a holiday by coach to Italy and it was one of the worst things I have ever done. As soon as we got on the coach, he started to shout and swear and that was only the beginning ..................it was traumatic for the next eight days and nights. On the return journey I started to relax, only to experience the worst day of all. Please don't take anyone suffering dementia away from their comfort zone..............it's very upsetting for them and a living nightmare for yourself.

[sassy59]

I do so agree with your post Littleloobs and am sorry to hear how things went on your holiday. Dementia is very cruel and spares nobody’s feelings.

Sending good wishes your way. Take care xxxxx

[littleloobs in reply to sassy59]

Thank you. I have moved on since then, my husband died last year after sixty years of marriage.............I

[sassy59 in reply to littleloobs]

That was a long time to be married littleloobs.

Wishing you well xxxx

[Hidden]

What a shame that what started as a treat for him, went so wrong. Dementia is a revolting illness, it changes people so much and is so hard for their families and friends. Go on holiday with a friend next time and use the time to have a good rest.

[littleloobs in reply to Hidden]

Thank you and I hope you are not going through it too. x

[Hidden in reply to littleloobs]

Unfortunately I am - with a husband and a mother!

[littleloobs]

Life must be very hard for you, I hope you have some help. xx

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi littleloobs,

Thank you for sharing your story and wise advice. I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic experience with your late husband. Try not to let that memory overshadowed the good times and good memories before his illness. What an amazing, loving person you are to care for him as you did, and reach such a milestone in your marriage! Now is the time for you to care for you, to love yourself and indulge yourself and build up yourself.

Have you ever considered going on a cruise with a friend? It offers the best of both worlds, being pampered, eating delicious food, being looked after like a queen, waking up in a new amazing destination each day, doing as much or as little as you like. Some offer special activities like learning a new skill etc. You get to meet all sorts of folks and many friendships are borne on trips like these. There are cruises for every budget nowadays. Sorry, I sound like a cruise rep! I have benefitted from the experience, and whether you go with a friend, partner or solo the experience can be very enriching.

There are other HU communities you can also consider joining if you are struggling with feelings of bereavement, low mood etc.

Keep in touch.

Best wishes

[jaykay777]

littleloobs I agree with your statement "Please don't take anyone suffering dementia away from their comfort zone." My late husband, who had dementia, was afraid to leave our ground floor apartment. His nurse insisted on making him walk outside. She found he was unable to distinguish the feel of sidewalk and grass.

[Jamber in reply to jaykay777]

I moved to a Bungalow 12months ago,so it would be easier for my husband,the advice I was given as he is suffering vascular dementia to move while he knows( he has been suffering dementia 2years) . He kept asking when we where going home,he has settles down but keeps saying he wished we had not moved.

I Also wish this as we had the support of our neighbors.

[littleloobs]

I hope the nurse learned from his traumatic experience................we know it's safe, but the sufferer doesn't.

[Hidden]

That's really good advice and the best kind as it's based on personal experience. Thanks, littleloobs.

[littleloobs]

You are very welcome. x

[Twed2]

Hi my mum is a very active 81 year old she cared for me we don't live together but she stays with me 4 or 5 days a week is she entitled to carers allowance please

[Independentliving in reply to Twed2]

I'm afraid that carers allowance isn't paid to people over retirement age, so at 81, your mum wouldn't be able to claim it