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Elderly mum

dad died last Xmas mum 75 suffers from diabetes copd and few other things....long list😊 but worrying as lately she seems disconnected from world and people...prefers to sleep a lot and not be active....

mentions to doctor but nothing and mum feels a burden to them and family also no one cares

untrue except a few family members had row at funeral and have stayed away...what can we do to keep her happy please...don't want to be orphaned in one year 😞

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Hello sliverpoole, welcome to this community. Folk on here are very helpful and supportive, and hopefully will share from their experiences which may be helpful. Does your mum's GP practice have more than one doctor there, as it may help to have a chat with another doctor. It sounds like she is experiencing low mood or depression, not surprisingly having been recently bereaved. I am surprised that her GP appears not to be doing anything. She may need some medication and talking therapies which she can access via her GP. Also, have a look at these links to Cruse Bereavement, who have more information:

cruse.org.uk/

ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbei...

ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing/

Keep in touch.

Best Wishes

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thankyou...they ask if she gives permission for them to get involved but she won't agree as feels a burden 😞

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Sorry to read your post. Difficult if she won't agree to their intervention. She is still of course going through the grieving process as she has lost her life partner I think all you can do at the moment is to be there as you have been and impress on her she isn't a burden. Hopefully she will slowly come out of this.x

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Hi silverpoole,

This is a difficult one for you, as I notice from your reply to MAS-Nurse's helpful response, that your mum isn't currently open to help from any organization. She's depressed and lost following the loss of your dad, and just isn't receptive.

Medication in the form of anti-depressants isn't the long term answer, but it might be a step in the right direction in taking the edge off her grief for a little while.

Talking about your dad and old times is also therapeutic, so do gently encourage her to talk to you about old times, even if she cries and becomes upset whilst doing it. This is a healthy and normal part of grieving. No matter what, keep reassuring her that she will never ever be a burden to you and that you love her and looking after her is no trouble to you at all.

Arrange some short and pleasant outings for her, and jolly her along into going. It might not be far. Even a visit to the local park with a cuppa and cake thrown in can take your mind off things for a while and if repeated often enough, does help a depressed person to realize that there are moments in time when its possible to feel better.

And grieving is about peaks and troughs. Initially it's one big trough, but the more the person can be persuaded to engage in life, the more short peaks of positivity will arise.

Your mum will probably never ever completely get over losing her life partner, nor you your dad, but you can gently help her find a new path in life that is one she can live with.

Your role is ultra-important as you are the loving and reliable link between her past and her present and future.

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thankyou...tried days out but she refusing them now?

she giving up but won't let her.😊

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Hi silverpoole, please don't be offended, but you sound a little bit defeatist with regard to your mum. If you give up trying to change her outlook, then she'll give up too. I know it's exhausting having to keep trying, but I don't think there is anything but hard work that can turn it around.

Is there some underlying issue other than your dad's death, like the estrangement of the rest of the family, that is actually at the heart of the problem? If so, maybe you could try to be the peacemaker and get everybody back on side with her.

Sometimes we have to do some really difficult things to move life along, but if that would help your mum, maybe that's what needs to be done.

One thing's for sure. There's no magic bullet that will make your mum feel better. It's just a case of trying, trying, trying. And I know that can sometimes be very trying! But it's the one chance of stopping your mum declining further

Very best of luck and happiness to you both.

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not giving up sorry if gave impression that is why on this site....I chronic depression and anxiety I want to give up on self but not her...brothers and sister trying too but rift in family since dads death and we all still grieving too...mum is hard to please but not getting any better....talk about dad his ashes at home...first time 58yrs left on own...so adjustment hard for everyone

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