How to help my husband

[WOOLKITTY]

My husband was diagnosed with alcohol related cirrhosis of the liver a couple of years ago. He has been a heavy lager drinker for many years and this has caused a terrible strain on our marriage. He has always refused to stop drinking. Even after his diagnosis, he continues to drink. His view point is that the damage is done now so its pointless to stop. He barely eats and has lost a considerable amount of weight. He struggles to walk but refuses to use any kind of aid. He constantly falls over and says that he has no "idea where his legs are". I have accepted that he will not stop drinking, it has been a difficult journey and my acceptance of his condition is not one that is shared by anyone else. His constant falls are a problem as it is difficult to know how to lift him. He is also getting very lapse with hygiene and taking a bath is very difficult for him. He says he is in constant pain and sleeps for most of the day but he refuses to contact our GP. Has anyone else any experience of this kind? Any advice on how to help him would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

[lonmallin50]

sorry to hear what your going through i was a heavy drinker for years been dry now for 10 months now but before that i started falling over all the time in and out of a and e then got told i had de compensated liver ineed a transplant now its never to late to give up your husband still got a chance he needs to take the worry i going through now i wish i would have listened

[Cornwallgal]

Dear Woolkitty, your post really moved me. You are going through such a lot. I hope that you are talking to someone (a counsellor/support group) about what you are going through. I am so sorry that your husband is making bad decisions. X

[Dinah48]

hello woolkitty, your story sounds very much like mine but my husband was only diagnosed this year. We went through months of him drinking post diagnosis, until he properly recognised that the constant illness, horrible symptoms and weakness was due to drinking and that he was speeding up his transition from comp to decomp cirrhosis. I told him really factually what he was doing and how he would end up. I read to him stories from this site of people who were still fine post diagnosis for 20 years. I started to buy protein drinks and get him interested in understanding what food does what eg protein for his internal warmth, carb supper before bed, greens for bloods etc. In short I tried to give him hope. It seems to have worked fingers crossed. This site is superb and the people and the advice has helped me immensely. Keep strong I know how hard this is and how much you must be suffering, you must look after yourself.

[Kristian]

I think as Blackadder would say, "Bugger!"

The mistake here was believing that as the damage was there it didn't matter. The issue is that actually it did. If the alchohol had been stopped it could've prevented further damage from occurring. Whilst the scarring already there wouldn't have gone, it would've prevented more occurring, vastly extending the livers ability to carry on with its functions.

Liver is only permanently damaged when something constantly attacks it in a way it cant keep up with. Its the only organ that can repair itself, but if attacks are constant, from for example a disease or alchohol, then it just cant keep up and the scarring builds up. If you stop what is attacking it, then further damage can be stopped, or at least massively reduced. So further deterioration can be significantly reduced or even stopped.

Unfortunately, that may be too late for your husband to hear, but there is always a chance. So maybe telling him this may give him that spur to actually stop drinking. He's nothing to lose by trying anyway, and its better than the alternative. If it doesn't influence your husband then if someone else reads it, it may give them the info perhaps your husband needed when he got his diagnosis.

Sorry to hear of your predicament. I send you my best wishes and good luck.

[MrsWorried]

Dear Woolkitty, I can sympathise with you. This forum is excellent and you can get advice from both sides of the coin, so to speak.I am in a similar situation, hubby drinks average 2 bottles white wine daily and this continues despite 6 hospital admissions in 12 months. He barely eats, refuses protein drinks, and falls regularly. He refuses to believe medics, and I'm told "if I die, I die" on a regular basis.

So, look after you. Maybe you should see GP or nurse if sympathetic, make sure your surgery are aware of situation. Carry on doing your thing, and don't let him drag you down.

I've told hubby I'm not buying his poison anymore, so now he has to get out to get it, but unfortunately he is - and possibly in larger quantity. Took me a long time to do that but I found the strength and it's great.

Remember (note to self here too!), you can't make anyone else do what you want them to do.

Take care xx

[Cat-B]

Hi I feel so sorry for you, it’s a nightmare living with someone in total denial, who is in self distruct mode. I would talk to your GP and hopefully they will come and see him at home. Most important is that you look after your self now, you’re well-being has to be your priority, go out and see friends and family ( you are going to need their support, especially as your husbands condition worsens. Good luck and please take care of yourself.