hiya, partner diagnosed with decompensated cirrhosis 22.12.21 - has remained alcohol free since that date with comparative ease . He is being very well looked after by our local liver unit and whilst we are still hoping he may have some improvement (he is actually pretty well despite a UKMELD of 52) they are starting the early transplant process and we have been assigned a transplant co-ordinator. My partner has done everything asked of him and is actively engaged in his own recovery, I couldn't be prouder, but the one thing he hasn't done is engage in any external alcohol support (he isn't very good at sharing his worries and chatting about himself) and we know he needs to do this, if at the very least as a transplant check box if he needs to go that route.
Has anyone found anything that is the polar opposite of the AA. More one on one or online - very low key with a gentle approach? That would be recognised by the Royal Free if needed?
Thanks so much
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Rshc
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I was diagnosed with cirrhosis in March 2021. It was alcohol related. I had no idea I had liver disease and was admitted with a deep rooted infection. I was diagnosed then. Luckily, I think I’d got unwell early enough to be able to avoid transplant discussions. To be honest, the hospital admission alone was enough to make me give up alcohol for life. I was very unwell, felt awful and was terrified being in hospital. They did discharge me with a fantastic package, alcohol support was part of it. Turning Point provided the support. I opted for 1.1 alcohol support sessions with a dedicated alcohol support worker who was very skilled and trained in things like CBT. I’m not one for group meetings or public displays of my innermost thoughts, but they offer a range of support and group work is something available. It’s a national service so it’s very likely that there will be a Turning Point available near you. He will need to be referred by the transplant team and I suspect they probably already have close links.
I’ve found this forum very good and has helped me a lot to understand my condition. It’s ideal just seeing how other people are coping a breath of fresh air. All the best.
Unfortunately, many people find AA (Alcohol Anonymous) can be an uncomfortable experience. The use of words like “Alcoholic” and labelling people as such can be damaging.
There is also a religious (spiritual) connection which some people can find off-putting. Such labelling just stigmatises a person and what is more, this label can just become an invisible badge of shame. This isn’t to say that AA is bad. Many people over the years have found help and support, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Sadly this is where some people can become despondent and fall back into old ways.
Nearly every council in England now has a local drug and alcohol, support group. I would recommend Googleing “Drug and Alcohol Support, followed by your local town or city. They in turn should have a website which will hopefully be full of information which includes joining instructions.
Finally, I would just say that when it comes to taking part in a liver transplant assessment. Your partner will have the opportunity to try and convince the assessment panel that he is a worthy candidate and that he would value and respect his new liver if he was successful to be offered a second chance at life.
Being enrolled in an alcohol support group will speak volumes as to his commitment and determination to bring about a permanent change to never want to drink alcohol ever again.
You too Rshc should be congratulated for standing by and supporting your partner.
Recovering from a life of alcohol abuse is never easy, and no doubt there have been many rocky episodes in the past. You are both sharing this journey together, and I’d like to think that this will only serve to make your relationship an even stronger one. So well done to you for being such a caring and supportive person.
Good luck to you both, I hope you find the support you both need.
aw Richard, you have only gone and made me cry! I am here for the long haul and to be honest, in some ways (whilst cirrhosis is awful and shocking and heartbreaking) our relationship has never been better, it has made me (and him too I think) realise how destructive alcohol had become for him and therefore all of us (we have a teenage daughter who is rebuilding her relationship with him as well). I genuinely believe the dependency he had was an illness and I can see the root cause. I carry no resentment with me (although I would feel differently I am sure if he wasn't so committed to recovery). AA doesn't appeal at all, both the religious undertones (nothing against it, just not for us) and also the congratulating for x amount of time sober - just isn't for him. Thanks for your suggestions and hope you are OK.
Hi rshc.My husband was exactly the same ... no way would he have been able to be in a room of strangers, give his name and say he was an alcoholic. The nearest even l could get out of him was " l may have a drink problem" and later on he managed to say he was alcohol dependant.
It was the hospital who referred him to the Mathews project here in Norwich where he recieved one to one councelling each week at home ( well at his Mum's by then) and it worked for him. Unfortunately it came to late for him and only survived another 3 months.
But you and your husband between you are doing brilliantly but hopefully you can find somewhere similar, near to you just so you can have a few sessions in order to tick that box and get him closer to that transplant. I wish you both all the very best.
LOOOOOTS of good podcasts that you could start today, at home, for free.
Maybe SMART recovery if you are looking for a more science based cognitive approach instead of spiritual or “surrendering”/claiming yourself as alcoholic forever like AA
(Not saying AA is bad, but there are many options out there)
He is doing well but has been clearly told by the transplant co ordinator and consultant that should he progress to assessment at the Royal Free he ‘needs’ to demonstrate he has engaged in some external support. Also as he has never tried any form of support group even 1-2-1 he may find it helpful. I don’t want to cause him extra stress and the thought of group sessions scare him but I am sensing from him he may actually be glad to talk during a 1-2-1. Maybe different hospitals have different requirements? They have told us the reason the ask him to do this is not as proof but because evidence shows people stand a better chance of long term sobriety if they engage in some form of support
It doesn’t need to be stressful. I didn’t think I needed support but my consultant thought that it would help me. I’m glad I accepted the help now. I had an ‘assessment’, which was really just a chat. I told them that there was more chance of hell freezing over than me joining a group. They explored with me the kind of things I enjoyed and how I interacted with things and we agreed that one to one support would be the best thing for me. I had the option of going to their base, they come to me at home or to do it over Microsoft Teams. At the time I was pretty immobile and was still a bit worried about Covid, so went for Teams to start. As I got more mobile and Covid restrictions were eased, moved to me going to the base in town. The support worker was lovely and once I started going into town he suggested using the afternoon as a time out session. I tied the hour with him to a weekly Indian Head massage in the salon down the road. In the hour a week with him there were no interruptions and he was very skilled in making it feel like a conversation over a coffee rather than ‘therapy’. It was only really at the end I realised that he had developed a care plan in the background and had worked me through a full treatment programme! The 30 minute Indian Head Massage session was all part of the plan! I associated the afternoon as a relaxing time - which of course it was. It made me examine what triggered my drinking, helped me explore other ways of relaxing and got me focused on how I’d handle things like social events and an evening out with friends without alcohol being present. It was interesting, I started to associate not drinking with nice relaxing times rather than it being a trial. I associated drinking with the pain and fear I’d experienced in hospital. I haven’t even remotely wanted to drink in well over 12 months now...so it must have worked!
Hiya, I hope that you're doing OK? My Husband engaged with SMART, which is more Web based and one on one. He would NOT, point blank, engage with AA.He now finds it easy to talk to others about how he was, at that time.
My Husband was listed on 24th July 2020, being abstinent since December 2019.
I wish you well and am here if I can help with anything
bless you. How is your husband doing? Well I hope. My partner stopped drinking at Christmas too - on the day he went into hospital for detox after becoming quite poorly, I was actually told 2 days after his admission that he has decompensated cirrhosis, that was Christmas Day 2021.
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