Worried parent

[Rachel843012]

My daughters drinking 2 bottles of red wine per night every night and smokes heavily what can we do what's going to happen to her she won't listen xxx

[Jebediah454]

Hi Rachel,

Unfortunately the only person who will ever get through to your daughter, is your daughter.

Remember the cartoons with the good angel on one shoulder and the bad on the other? she has to listen to the good angel, but the more bad habits she has the louder the bad one is.

Until your daughter wants to quit drinking and smoking, it just isn't going to happen, she may "try" to appease you, or she may even start beginning to hide it from you to make you think she has stopped, neither of these ultimately are going to work out .

She may try for a few weeks but then hit the alcohol stronger because the desire to quit was never actually there so when she goes back to it, the desire for alcohol is only stronger, or if she starts hiding it from you, you might never know what she actually drinks anymore (an alcoholic will always find ways to hide their activity when forced)

She may respond well and actually listen first time, but we have to be honest, that's a rare outcome with alcoholics.

So what can we do? we need to get through to her basically, everyone reacts differently, some people you might just need to sit down and have a real hard discussion with, why they're drinking so much and explain the damage it is doing and the damage it can lead to. Sometimes the person will just completely ignore you until they finally have a health scare and its too late.

I would start lightly, try to persuade her to visit the doctors for a routine health check, bloods etc just to make sure her liver is functioning ok, who knows the blood panel might show something and give her a little nudge. Then maybe ramp up the efforts, try to refer her to specialist help, there are so many alcoholic helplines that may be able to assist you.

Ultimately though, everyone is different, she may listen, she may not. For me, it took me losing what was in front of me to realise that it was more important than the bottle at the end of the day, that was enough for me to kick the alcohol.

I truly wish you well and hope your daughter sees some sense, its not worth the "buzz" of alcohol, when you truly know the damage it is doing, it becomes an ugly monster you wish you never hung around with.

Have a read through the forum, there are so many useful posts on here that highlight the dangers of alcohol and the stages of cirrhosis, there are also so many useful posts highlighting that people can change and people can live with the damage that has been done with the correct lifestyle change, its not all doom and gloom, together we can all get through this.

The british liver trust also have a helpline that you can call to have a chat about things, they might be able to assist you as well

[Hidden in reply to Jebediah454]

Well written Jeb, All good points

[Hidden]

Hi Rachel843012, and welcome to this friendly forum. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter and I can see that you are worried about her. I'm sure you shall receive lots of helpful advice and support from other members but I shall attach a couple of links which you may find useful.Here is a link to our liver screener which may help demonstrate to your daughter the potential risk to her liver:

britishlivertrust.org.uk/at...

Here is a link to drinkaware which may be also be helpful:

drinkaware.co.uk/

If your daughter agrees to reduce or abstain from alcohol, I would suggest encouraging your daughter speak to her GP before doing so.

If you want to chat to one of our nurses, our helpline is open from Monday to Friday 10am to 3pm on 0800 652 7330.

Warmest wishes

Trust10

[Hidden]

Hi Rachel

Obviously 2 bottles of wine per night is far far beyond the recommended safe limit for alcohol intake. I am so sorry, nobody should have to bear the pain as they helplessly watch their child self destruct.

Is there an underlying reason she has taken to drinking large amounts, is there a trauma or an emotional problem she is struggling with? sometimes stress, heartache and loss are harder to deal with than physical pain. If so, finding a permanent solution would give her a new start at life again, whereas, alcohol is only a temporary solution with only one terrible end. If she refuses to see how this is hurting her, try telling her how it is hurting you and all her family, friends and loved ones. Just keep reminding her you love her but it is breaking your heart to see her like this and hope you can find a way through.

Dave

[Ubwa]

Hi Rachel, echo the above, you can’t do anything unless she wants to help herself. Ask her to read a post I made to another members who’s husband was in a similar situation.

My mother was nearly in a situation like you where, the only difference being I was trying to stop myself self-destructing. The single thing that haunts me the most is her being told the likely outcome by doctors while I was in hospital. She’s a sister too so has seen it from the treatment and bad side too which made it all the worse.