Falling off wagon

[Dotandken]

Drinking again! So after 2 years sober fallen off wagon! What a pillock!

[Hidden]

Ah no ! You were doing so well. What caused your relapse ? Laura x

[Dotandken in reply to Hidden]

Had so much trauma last year, hid it away in the back of my mind, my partner has just had a major mental health issue, which involved police, all OK but I guess that crutch is strong sometimes! X

[Hidden in reply to Dotandken]

Oh bless you. Do you need help to kick it again or can you pick yourself up, brush yourself down, put it behind you and cope with your problems without the booze getting in the way now ? It's very brave of you to come back and talk about it .... well done.

Xx

[Worrysome1]

Treat it as a blip. I’m petrified I’ve got severe liver disease and would do anything to be proved wrong but my symptoms are getting worse, had terrible day today. You have done well according to your last post. Don’t throw all the help you’ve had back in the medics’ faces. Think of your family and friends. I hate alcohol now, you deserve better than putting that poison down your neck. I’m not addicted butI know if you are it must be hard. GET HELP! Please don’t drink.

[Dotandken in reply to Worrysome1]

I'm not throwing it away, I have worked really hard to get better, but the struggle is real. X

[Worrysome1 in reply to Dotandken]

I understand, you’ve done so well. You must have some good coping strategies to do as well as you have. Tomorrow’s another day! Clean sheet. Wishing you all the best.

[Hidden]

You are being honest which is very brave. You stopped before so you know you can do it. As Laura says - do you know why this happened? Support will be forthcoming on this forum but you might need professional help too - do speak to your medical team.

Good luck, take care

regards

[Dotandken in reply to Hidden]

Worried about stigma from the team, as possibly will be judged! X

[Hidden in reply to Dotandken]

You are not the first and you certainly will not be the last. They should appreciate your honesty.

[Hidden in reply to Dotandken]

They will admire you for your honesty and help you x

[PoppyPiper in reply to Dotandken]

Hiya, there are many of us here who have/had liver disease through alcohol and like you have stopped for a long time but I think we all have the fear of returning to the the evil stuff. From what I have seen since joining, you will get a lot of support from all here in the forum, just look at the updates you have received already from Laura, Linda and the Trust Administrator.

good luck and keep positive

PPx

[Charlie-legs in reply to Dotandken]

#Fellow alky here!! 🙃I know exactly what you mean about the stigma and discrimination also the sometimes condersending and patronising ways that we are spoken to.

Please 🙏 know that you are not the 'alky' you are a strong individual person that has the guts to to face your fears. I say that because I relate to your trauma and the crutch you have used. (Feel free to look at my back posts, mostly in gibberish 🥴)

I would say that you are ok. You are 2 years without it and you have the self awareness to acknowledge that when you were thirsty, you just picked up the wrong cup. I dunno about you but you can't beat a cup of tea.

The solid crutch that you had has become a foldable one that after the strength you have gained. It's the one that is too weak against your real you.🙏🙏🙏🙏🫂🫂 don't beat yourself up. You can wake up now,I have finished my waffle😜🥸💪

[Dotandken]

Thanks everyone! 😊 I have an appointment at hospital Thursday, but don't know if I want to go!! X

[Hidden in reply to Dotandken]

You may not feel like going now but l'm sure you will feel a weight has been lifted from you afterwards. Just be honest and don't be affraid to cry. Take care will be thinking of you. Let us know how you get on xx

[Dotandken in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Laura, I just don't know what damage I may have done. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Dotandken]

Try not to think too hard about it. Just go back to your healthy lifestyle to give your liver a chance heal a little and take it from there a day at a time. Just don't beat yourself up. Have a brisk daily walk, that will help physically and mentally x

[Dotandken in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, keep you posted! X

[Millie09 in reply to Dotandken]

Please don't worry..You did the first step and recognised your blip ..

I have alcohol related cirrhosis, diagnosed 2008 .. .managed to stop as I was admitted to hospital etc ..

Then I became a carer for my dad , he had cancer and then metastatic brain cancer..tough 16 months but would not have had it any other way ,

Cut a long story short I started drinking again , did not want to be here any loner, 2 full long years I drank past my dads death, was only then did ascites rear its ugly head along with ailments I was familiar with.

I dreaded going back to hospital, my original hospital before the one I am with now, ashamed and struggling with anxiety and such a lot of pushed down feelings were rising to the top again.

I had two years of therapy and counselling after that 2 year binge , but im still here and still sober 7 years on .

What in trying to say is never feel bad about it , anyone can relapse due to one thing and another,

My best wishes

Linda 🌻.

[Hidden]

Don't beat yourself up about the booze. Tomorrow is another day. Try to think of another strategy to use rather than go for the alcohol if you feel like it tomorrow.

[Tia2021]

We are only human, tomorrow is another day and you can do it, sending lots of strength to you xx

[Blackcat49]

You have been honest and quick to act which takes so much strength alone. Good luck for the week ahead. Its certainly not an easy ride. Xx

[Roy1955]

How long have you been drinking again?A day or three or seven or twenty is a blip, not a relapse.

Don't turn a mistake into years of misery.

It's only a relapse if you don't do anything about it.

[Archie1962]

Morning, concentrate on the positives. You gave up for 2 whole years. That’s amazing. You can do it again, you know that deep down now.

Remember how well you felt off the booze, remember how good you felt about yourself, remember all the good things abstinence brings, and just park the fact you went back for a while.

Definitely go back for your appointment. Every rehab counsellor plus all the medical team know that this is an ongoing journey. Some people find it easy to give up, others find it a daily struggle. They are use to it. I’m sure they will encourage you to get back on track.

I’m desperately trying to keep off booze also and have had a few blips along the way, but I’m holding onto fact that I’m in a far better place than I was and I will get there. You should be proud of what you have achieved so far. 🙂

[Millie09 in reply to Archie1962]

Lovely encouraging post ,Good luck on your journey of abstinence not easy but im sure you will do just fine 😊

[Tommy62]

I was the same fell by the wayside was of 10 months and I have an appointment next week it's not easy only you know your circumstances my son was murdered aged 16 his anniversary is coming of his murder 20 years ago he would have been 36 in July past its on my mind day in and day out I'm dreading it but you look after yourself and do what you have to do that's what my father said to me he was a recovering alcoholic in AA for 33 years when he passed away take care and Godbless ❤

[Millie09 in reply to Tommy62]

Bless .. thinking of you..

[Foxdud]

You’ve done it before and you will do it again I’m sure of that ,first step was posting on here and look at the encouragement you’ve got ….. you got this 👊🏻❤️

[Richard-Allen]

This is so sad to have come so far and then relapse, but these things can happen.

While having that drinking problem, alcohol becomes our best friend. It’s always there when we need help so it’s always easy to turn to an old friend in times of trouble.

But this is very much a mental situation. You’ve been through the liver transplant assessment so you know what is expected of you. Not only that but to get on that waiting list in the first place, the panel must have been convinced that your drinking days were behind you.

I can totally understand how getting that elusive phone call from Kings saying that they had a liver for you, and then having to travel all the way there and then be told that the liver wasn’t viable is bad enough, but to have to go through this three times, must be a terrible emotional roller-coaster of elation and disappointment, fear and pity.

But sadly, as you’ll know through your life experiences that nothing is for certain and those bad things always happen to us as we go along this journey of life. Having a coping mechanism in place is a must. Some people have found solace in religion, while others have friends to turn to family and friends for help and guidance. We all need a support plan.

First of all, don’t go beating yourself up. Your long term health is most important. To have been offered a liver three times would imply that you are somewhere at the top of the waiting list, so it was only a question of availability.

What does surprise me is that Kings was involved with pioneering the worlds first liver perfusion machine back in 2013. This machine can keep livers alive for a length of time, but in just 24-hours this machine can help a liver to recover enough to become viable rather than be discarded as being unsuitable: team-consulting.com/insight... so why you’ve not been successful in getting your transplant can only be due to the high demand, and Covid-19 hasn't helped due to the lack on intensive care beds.

All is not lost. The team are all professional people, they are non-judgemental, and have seen it all before. However, the psychiatric nurse or doctor who sits on the transplant waiting list panel may have to be reassured.

They will have to be convinced that if you were offered the chance of having a liver transplant in the future, that say three years from now, something was to happen to cause you to want to drink again, that you have an alternative action plan in place. Some transplant centres get you to sign a contract, which you agree to never knowingly consume alcohol again. If this contract is broken at any time, then any liver-related medical treatment in the future could be withdrawn.

Go along to your meeting on Thursday, be honest and explain what has been going on. I promise they won’t be judging you. Explain how the three failed transplant offers has been a heavy emotional burden on you. (Being denied something, can be a form of rejection for some people).

You’ll need to be able to tell the team that you now have something in place that will help you cope in future instead of needing to turn to alcohol. What about becoming a volunteer at your local drug and alcohol support group. (most councils have them). Here you’ll be able to offer help and support to others, and this will also act as a supportive crutch for you too. You’ll be helping others to help yourself.

Doing something like this, is turning a negative situation into a positive plan of action. It will also give you a sense of purpose.

This also tells the panel that this was a one-off and that you now are taking steps not to want to drink again.

Good luck for Thursday, you can do this Dot.

Please let us know how you get on.

Best Wishes, and good luck.

Richard

[Dogbot]

Hi sad to hear you have hit a bump in the road but at least you know it’s not good for you 😢. Now you know you have to stop using all the so called stress things to blame because they are still there when you sober up, so as Laura says pick yourself up dust yourself down and get on with life, your life don’t throw it away good luck I I wish you all the best 👍.Stay Safe All

Dogbot 🐶🌈

[Badgaz]

Just stay strong 3 years sober now had some rough times over the couple of years but just thought of what doctors and nurses said to me when i nearly lost my life 3 years ago threw drink and i do when im down or feeling blue and it gives me the strength to keep of drink

[Bellaranger]

Your honesty speaks volumes. Today is another day.

Day by day.

[Hidden]

😣

[Violet74]

Could be any one of us. It's a powerful drug it draws you in. Just hop back on to that wagon stop giving yourself a hard time. That won't help here for you x

[Charlie-legs]

I have just read Richard Allen's post. I was unaware of the transplant situation you are in.

I understand your concerns more now. I drank 2 mouthfuls of a Gin in a tin the week after my first Transplant assessment. Stupid. I had a fight with myself strop, thought that nobody is telling me what I can and can't do. I threw it away but I volunteered the information with the transplant team straight away knowing that I have to be totally honest always. They weren't mean about my stupidity.

I'm still working on myself. You will get through this, and from us ,you can see, there's a lot of love and support 🥰💪🫂 Michelle

[TN-Nurse]

Your small set back does not define your past 2 years. Gather your strength and fight again. It’s ok. All is well.