My father has always drunk in excess. Lockdown has reduced my ability to visit him. To my shock after a recent visit he is extremely ill. I believe he has cirrhosis of the liver. His weight loss is extreme. He is breathless, his voice is faint & he is constantly clearing his throat.
More alarming than all, his lips are blue, fingers are discoloured & his face is grey and drawn. His legs have stopped working & he can barely walk or climb stairs. His concentration is poor & he’s in and out of stories. He has vacant moments sometimes slurred in speech other times crystal clear. He says he can’t read well. His eyes are glazed and his eyelids seemed to be drooping down. He says he’s sleeping till the afternoon. He says he’s down, something he’s never been. He can’t drink lately and says he can’t stomach drink but won’t tell me why. He’s never suffered from the cold but is now freezing cold.
He’s clearly extremely ill and from certain things he says he must have been hiding this. He did say that he had an episode a couple of years ago when his legs wouldn’t work and he nearly blacked out but wouldn’t talk further. Yet the visible deterioration has happened in a couple of months. He won’t let me call for help or even discuss it. In fact he stopped talking to me this week when I asked him to see a doctor. I’m at a loss as to what to do. I know I have to respect his wishes yet it is the most unnatural thing to do and sit by watching him worsen without being able to offer care.
Thoughts, advice, your experiences would be most welcomed.
Completely in shock .....
Written by
Thebrightside
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Hi Brightside. Your Dad does sound extremely ill but you say you believe he has cirrhosis? This has to be diagnosed by a doctor in order that he gets treatment for all the symptoms which will occur. The amounts he has obviously been drinking and for the length of time he will have been drinking to cause him to become so ill, will unlikely have just been born from pleasure but more likely from a mental trauma. Do you know if something traumatic has happened in his life to trigger the need for him to have turned to drink as his crutch ? Real alcohol addiction such as this is incredibly complex. Obviously your Dad has to stop drinking but any mental issues will need to be addressed along side being weaned off this poison. I think the best thing for you to do is call his GP surgery explain the situation as you have here and ask what their procedure is for getting him seen urgently..... maybe it's a call to 111. I know it won't be easy to get him seen especially if he is digging his heals in and won't ask for help or admit to his addiction. But if he isn't seen and treated urgently, especially for the episodes of confusion you talk about (HE hepatic encephalopathy) it could be fatal. Prepare your self it's a long tough road, stay strong and good luck.
There are people here who have and are still going through what you and your Dad face and we are here to support and help you.
Laura x
Good morning,
This is such a difficult position for you to be in, it is so frustrating when a loved one who is obviously in need of care declines to accept it.
It is absolutely critical that your father is seen by a doctor as soon as possible. All the symptoms you describe confirm that he is in the end stage of liverdisease. The vacant moments /slurred speech are probably down to something called hepatic encephalopathy which is caused by excess toxins in the blood stream. I know your father does not want to see a doctor but is it possible for you to speak to his GP and explain how ill your father is, he may not have the mental capacity to make rational decisions about his care.
Here are the links to some publications which may be helpful for you to read. We also have a free helpline if you woudl like to talk to one of our livr specialist nurses:
In this kind of situation it is easy to be hard on yourself, to think that you are not trying hard enough to help - please do not think like this and please do make sure you have support for yourself. There is a specific organisation for family members of someone who has an alcohol problem, you maight want to consider contacting them at some point:
Thank you so much for your advice. I did call the helpline & the Nurse I spoke with was extremely knowledgable & supportive. You’re all doing such an amazing job of supporting everyone here. X
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