Day 30: Hi all Still on the wagon and I... - British Liver Trust

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Day 30

Jalanutan
Jalanutan
82 Replies

Hi all

Still on the wagon and I'm not saying that I've won and I may never say that. I have my bad days and not so bad days. I even had a very vivid dream where I thought it was ok to have a couple of cans of rum'n'cola. At least I think it was a dream.

Overall, I'm experiencing really good physical changes; like better lung function, weight loss (hitherto approx. 5kg now) and improved liver/kidney function (no more amber colour urine) etc. Yet, I feel very weak and lethargic; plus, I'm a little worried about my cognitive abilities.

Of course, my worldview is much clearer now; actually, it's a bit of a shock. I'm a little paranoid as well as having to cope/contend with some past emotive trauma, instead of blotting it out with alcohol. Also, I'm having trouble with recall.

It's mostly to do with language, recalling words, common terms etc. I had thought I would be more articulate now, rather than finding it difficult to properly express myself. Perhaps I am, more articulate now, but didn't realise how inarticulate I was through the haze of alcoholism???

Any comments on this would be greatly appreciated...

One month down, and I'm up for #2 :-)

Ta-ta

82 Replies
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Ofeckman

This is a short version. Last post failed.

Yes you will feel weak & will take time to build yourself up again. Healthy eating bit & water. Feed the liver little & often as it can't store energy the same.

I almost forgot.? That's the Pickled brain, alcohol abuse causing vitamin deficiency. B12 & B for me.

Anyways it looks articulate to me. More astute without the fog. 👍

PS I did forget. Well done to date.

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to Ofeckman

Hi Ofeckman,

I agree with the B vits deficiency. I have B12 injections every three mths, but have been neglecting it and will do a good quality B group sup asap, so thx for the reminder.

I generally prefer to use organic foods though, instead of sups. Yet, I'm prob very deficient now, due to the poor food choices while being inebriated/drunk to some degree, most of the time.

Ha, appreciate the thumbs up, though having the time to formulate a typed document is for me, way easier than 'thinking on your feet' while talking to someone. I believe I have a reasonable vocabulary; so, it's so frustrating and embarrassing when I know the word, whatever the connotation and fumble for an alternative to use instead.

Yes, I know this isn't unusual, though not to the degree I'm experiencing it now. Hopefully, it's only temporary.

Cheers :-)

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Ofeckman
Ofeckman
in reply to Jalanutan

Sure thing.

My GP put me on B12 & B from day one specifically for the brain fog, though not his terminology.

This was after I got the yellow super juice detox drip fed in Hospital as an out patient back in December. When I met my Hep Consultant in April he said to make sure I remain on B12.

I'd recommend you check up on your B12 injection. My partner gets a 3 monthly jab for gastro issues, but the Pharmacist recons it ain't cutting it for her. I get a daily maintenance tablet.

I'm also at a loss for words in conversation at times although more a listener, thinker. I assume that the mid sentence pause is just an age thing with me now.

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to Ofeckman

Ok, I'll check with the GP re B12, though sounds the go.

Age related recall trouble?, I've been considering that factor, though I don't like it one little bit. This ageing thing just isn't my mindset.

They say, 'Age gracefully'. Well, I'm fighting it all the way, more like ageing 'disgracefully' lol :-)

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CocoChannel

I must admit I “woke up” after the first glass of wine every evening. Now (10 months on) I sleep a lot earlier, but that can only be a good thing. To use a boring cliche, it’s still early days. I was still craving a drink every evening for a couple of months although the urges were weakening by then, and now they’re 99% gone.

As for the brain, I’m definitely more alert than ever. I haven’t noticed any negatives. I don’t think anything would change in 30 days.

But well done on 30 days and the 5kg 👍🙂

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jazzjam

Well done keeping away from the alcohol, you keep at it.

just as Ofekman says.

I also felt very week and tired. I ate small portions of food regularly (more than 3 meals a day, but very small for me, mainly protein and I had protein drinks with the powders and mixed with fruit. I found my sleeping then settled down also.

I’m not sure it’s brain fog but the alcohol damages your brain and it needs to be looked after now also, I also took B vitamins but only prescribed, I didn’t take anything without checking with doc first. I think of it like someone who eats high sugars and then stops suddenly, the body has to make changes to deal with it, the same with your brain. I wouldn’t worry too much but certainly put it on your list to speak to the doctor about.

With the issues that I’m sorry you had to deal with p, is it possible or something you would consider speaking to someone about?

All the best and keep going you are doing great 🌻

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to jazzjam

I hear ya jazzjam, makes sense, and for me, alcohol is just the end of a long line of drug withdrawal. So, I don't doubt I've murdered a few brain cells along the way....Yet, alcohol is, in my opinion, is the most insidious drugs. It's socially acceptable, even desirable, readily available and relatively inexpensive.

Seeing me doc today, blood tests etc.

Thx :-)

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alfredthegreat

You are doing really great!

That's a month under your belt and you are entering month 2!

You will feel better and better over time.

Yes, you will have your low spots but when you get them remember to look at what you have achieved so far and listen to your organs saying thank you.

We are all behind you and urging you on in your new healthy lifestyle.

Such good news! stick at it and you'll get there, you are already on your way!

All the very best to you.

Alf.

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Jalanutan

I appreciate the comments from you and all on here, very encouraging. I'm not much of a socialiser and have mostly found support on interactive sites as this. I almost called AA, though wanted to give it one last push to quit b4 I did.

What you said re achievements so far is one of my main focus points when down. That, and my improved quality of life. I have a firm belief in the inherent inner strength of each person.

Thx Alf :)

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CocoChannel

Just to pick up on your point about not having won yet and maybe never being able to say that, I’m ten months alco free, and it’s become the norm. I still have the odd craving, but even a glass of water kills that now. But I’ve read enough stories in the last ten months to know that the “just the one is too much” is really the case for the likes of you and me. No one like us will ever be a successful moderate drinker again. If I did have a drink tomorrow, I’d want one the next day and so on. It would only ever increase after that. You can win by keeping on with what you’re doing 🙂

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ThreeSmiles

Tbh coco if any of us likeminded people wanted a drink tomorrow we’d want more than a drink tomorrow, we’d want another one tomorrow , then another one tomorrow , then another one tomorrow and then.........and so on.

I know you meant drinks by using drink in the singular but I’m just trying to emphasise the awful situation I, for one, had got myself into....

Milo

🇧🇧

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Ofeckman

Just the one. It's not that one we need to worry about. 🤔

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ThreeSmiles

Snap 👍

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Ofeckman

We certainly don't bottle it up on ere. 🎢

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ThreeSmiles

No - hahaha very good 😁

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Jalanutan

Was just about to reply to your earlier comments, but will do here.

Yes, early days... I've had only one alcohol dream to the minute, though your experience reminds me of going 'cold turkey' with cigarettes. As you mentioned re alcohol, it was the same with smokes, I couldn't just cut down, it was all or nothing. And for years afterwards, I would dream of smoking.

I'd mostly dream of smoking cigs, but also cigars and even a pipe. I'd say to myself, 'What have I done, now I'll have to start from day 1 again', then I'd wake with relief, realising it was just a dream. It demonstrated the psychological affect it had on me.

Of course, the dreams slowly diminished, thankfully. And with alcohol, I'm aware of a similar psychological hold, so I work on strategies that help, like your glass of water.

Thx heaps for you support :-)

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Ofeckman
Ofeckman
in reply to Jalanutan

Smokes I haven't quit yet. One step at a time man. Cigs, cigars & pipes. Pipe came with the flat cap & Jag upon retirement. Now sticking with hand rolled, no funky stuff mind. Tried vape. Box of gum @ the ready. Just pick the day says Doc.🙄

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ThreeSmiles

I used to share an office with a chap who smoked pipes 👍 I quite liked the smell even though I am an ardent non- smoker. Hard to think in those days about 40/50% of people in our office smoked!

Jag AND a flat cap hmmmph it’s alright for some! Or should that be flat cap AND Jag? Depends on your flat cap of course 😁.

🇧🇧.

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Ofeckman

That was 10 yrs ago. Vintage 02 S type 30k on clock. Mate tortured me & I swapped for his Vauxhall Ashtray cash my way.😁

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ThreeSmiles

I should hope so! 👍

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to Ofeckman

Yeah, one step. Some can do just like that, pick a day.

I picked a day and quit,...but I did a hell of a lot of quitting before I actually did. It was '75 when I finally killed it.

Jags are cool

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Bootandall

Haha, ex smoker here. Your saying you did a hell of a lot of quitting before you actually did was true for me. I quit many, many times before l actually did, 19 years ago! Keep at it, it takes literally weeks to feel noticeably better, you will be amazed. 😉

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Jalanutan

Appreciate the encouragement and I'm waiting to be amazed :-) The cigs were really a difficult withdrawal, so we both have done well in that regard.

Just wondering, what happened to the other boot??? :-)

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Bootandall

Well, you know how the expression for going all in is Boots and All? I haven't always exactly been committed, so there it is, for whatever it's worth. I strive to be all in, best intentions etc. And while I prefer an ankle boot nowadays, any boot will do, in fact l love them all. 😂

Whats the story with Jalanutan? Are you Indonesian?

I have heard kicking cigs is worse than most any other hard drug, so feel free to pat yourself on the back. I still have smoking dreams, but l am always much younger then, so maybe they're actual memories. The mind is very strange and powerful.

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ThreeSmiles

Boot 😁. Still makes me smile that one....

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Filistines

Today I learn that Boots and All doesn't mean a kick up the bum that ends with a boot in situ... Nobody told me, and I can't imagine how I came to such an understanding but i got lucky with this place of learning to undo my past misunderstandings.... x

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Jalanutan

Yes, logical re 'all in or not so', too many variables that affect our resolve. And that's why, when we succeed it's no small feat, in my opinion.

I thought your 'handle' may have been in reference to 'kickin' the habit' lol. And you know, last night I dreamt of smoking again, twice in the same dream. Now that hasn't happened for decades and no doubt due to my current withdrawal.

Re 'Jalanutan', I'm an Aussie, but lived in Indonesia. Love 'Oranutans' (man/people of the forest). The word Jalan is one translation of 'walk', so I joined 'Jalan' and 'Utan' (walk in the forest).

Cya :-)

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ThreeSmiles

How many days now Jala? I suppose I should just count - but..... anyway however long you’re doing great👍. Without sounding condescending - well done!

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Filistines

Best wishes for today Miles. I hope your surgery gets you dancing again very soon!

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Bootandall

Dancing, again!? I never knew you could cut a rug Miles, but now I will certainly picture you doing the merengue, perfect for your back lol.

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ThreeSmiles

What’s a merengue when it’s at home?! Me dance - not in a month of Sundays. Never ever have been able to dance at all!

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davianne

Merengue is what they put in Eton Mess🤣🤣🤣🤣, or maybe not.

Dancing🤢🤢🤢, I never got past the foot tapping stage🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Filistines

merengue? don't you know nuthin'? It's a pastry with lemon custard and baked egg whites on top. :-)

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davianne

Miles,

I just heard of your back op. today. Sorry, I must have missed your post about it.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you today, and saying a prayer for a good outcome.

All the Best,

David

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ThreeSmiles

Thanks David

It went very well apparently 😁. That’s what the very nice surgeon said afterwards. And I didn’t feel a thing - can’t think why . No rude comments - like not surprised since you’ve got no feelings Miles 😁

Thanks for the good wishes 👍👍👍

Milo Pilo

🇧🇧

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davianne

Oh Miles, your a Silly Billy😁😁😁

Didav

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Jalanutan

Latin style dance, I think! And to answer your Q earlier, day 35 now and it's been a rough few days lately.

No, not condescending TS, as you're speaking from personal experience and that's helpful, not patronising. So thx :-)

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ThreeSmiles

Thanks filly 👍

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Jalanutan

4got to add... Best wishes for a prompt recovery :-)

I'm actually having a hip replacement on the 7th instant, so re dance, I'd only be able to manage a one step for awhile...

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ThreeSmiles

Ahh thanks very much 👍.

So a hip done in 4 days time - wowee - how long have you had to wait for that? Hope it goes well!!!

Miles

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Jalanutan

Yep, been waitin' approx 11mths. I must add there are reasons for the relatively short wait time.

Thx mate, first hip rep has been good, but still need all he 'hopes' I kin get.

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ThreeSmiles

Ah well, here’s a hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and....

“Hope” that makes a small contribution!

Miles

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Jalanutan

Haha, very clever, but I'll still take 'em withal :-)

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Oldham12

You are doing so well, you and CocoChannel are an inspiration. Please take care of yourselves Lynne

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to Oldham12

Thank you Oldham, I hope we are, which is an extra incentive to succeed. And being on this site, letting understanding people know what I'm attempting is a strategy in itself. I'm trying everything I can think of to prevent a relapse.

Cya

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jbrking

I just wanted to say - well done! It’s absolutely amazing what you’ve achieved so far. Keep it up x

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to jbrking

Thx for your kind words :-)

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atsndave

Hi well done on the booze front, my husband recently diagnosed with cirrhosis and in hospital at the moment after years of heavy drinking not responding to treatment so now going on the transplant list. He also is struggling with finding the right words and decision making is slow, although seems a little better now they have stopped most of his meds, are you taking a lot of meds? I think this might be a lot to do with it. Keep strong. Amanda x

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to atsndave

Sorry for your hubby and it may sound a little perverse, but hearing of those diagnosed with cirrhosis etc., prompts me to keep going.

Yes, meds do hinder brain function, so what another matter to ask the doc.

Thx :-)

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Xenom0rph

Great news. Day 107 for me I think. Still think about it but haven't touched it since I left hospital.

Keep on keeping on!

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Oldham12
Oldham12
in reply to Xenom0rph

And well done to you too. Onwards and upwards as they say. You are doing so well and are an inspiration to others who are going through the same thing. I have Nash caused by meds from my Drs over the years but u do understand alcoholism and that it is an illness and that people should respect you as they would anyone else. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to Xenom0rph

Thx for the comment, one foot in front of the other. I'll definitely be posting 'when' I reach 3mths.

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Filistines

I hope you post every day you make a new discovery about how you are feeling!

It's amazing how much you have noticed in a short time.

I was told by a surgeon how hard the body works to stay the same, and anything that happens quite fast to change it a lot causes it to work very hard to get to a new normal, even when the change was for the much better, or even life-saving.

It helped me to be interested in my recovery instead of wondering if I'd jumped out of the frying pan into the fire at times!

I have monthly shots of B12 - I tried three-monthly and it wasn't enough.

It'll be good to know how you go forward! Congratulations on all you've done so far.

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Bootandall

Do you get these shots from your doctor? Do you feel them right away?

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Filistines

I get it from GP, prescription only in UK.

In its activated form of methylcobalmin it is effective immediately. In a marginally cheaper form, hydroxycobalmin, (I have this) it takes a few days for body to convert it. (Which is silly, because anyone who needs it is likely struggling to produce methyl without having to spend it on converting this form). Even so, way better than not having any. There's another form, cyanocobalmin, the least beneficial.

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Bootandall

Thank you Phyllis, l will ask about this at my next appointment, following up on my use of CPAP machine. Sounds like a plan! 😉

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Filistines

My pleasure. I hope you get some very soon. If deficient, it can cause permanent damage. (that's my cover story anyway...)

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Jalanutan

Thx 4 the suggestion, but while I do intend to post every so often, I'd rather not post too often or too long a text. If I fail this time I'd feel like a jerk, even though I'm aware that relapse is a part of recovery.

Nevertheless, in the interests of others battling with alcoholism, I may briefly list the many positive changes I have hitherto seen. I actually keep a journal so I don't forget my experience, since memories can fade.

I like your metaphor of the fire, cause I have felt similarly of late. It's only previous experience, logic and the many comments on here, including yours, that I keep in mind the 'fire' will soon cool... On the negative, I've been thinking that my age might presume a full recovery!!!

Thx for those deeper insights into withdrawal too! I guess, when the body accepts a new 'normal', it wants to stay there and bucks positive change.

Appreciate your reply :-)

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davianne

Hi Jalanutan,

Well done on the 1 month booze free. I have been without for over 3 years now, and although I feel a lot better, I do get times when my mind wanders of into nowhere land, and i don't think it's just an age thing. I am going to try B12 to see if it helps. I found giving up booze easy, because for me it was just habit, not addiction. Now you've got 1 month under your belt, you don't want to lose all that effort you've put in, so keep up the good work.

David

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to davianne

I know it can be done long term, but posts like yours brings it home and make it more personal, thank you :-)

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auntiesally

Well Done,, keep on going, the alchol has destroyed some brain cells, which wont come back, read, talk keep strong, and take care

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Jalanutan

That's great advice. I'll try to do just that. Thx heaps

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Peppy05

Great news with 1 month, it's been four and a half years since I first stop drinking so keep going straight and good luck. Peppy05

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to Peppy05

Kudos to you Peppy, no mean feat. But re going straight, I'm finding it slightly challenging; well, perhaps very challenging.

Short term pain for long term gain...right!

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Peppy05
Peppy05
in reply to Jalanutan

Right..

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moonbeam4

Hi there. Just about everything you have described from the vivid dreams to trouble with recall, the weakness and fatigue, language issues ect seem to fit well with something known as PAWS or to use the correct title Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Check it out online, but basically as you know when we drink or take drugs we alter the chemicals in our brains and when we stop it takes time for things to return to normal. From what I understand PAWS onset time varies enormously from one person to the next but 7 to 14 days after quitting seems to be about the average. The symtoms descibed are not constant they ebb and flow for most folk with days of feeling very good mixed in. This aspect of PAWS was really frustrating for me as often after a few great days I began to think I was " over the worst " only to have a sleepless night and crashing back to reality. For me the "worst of it " lasted around 6 months and I,ve read that 4 to 11 months is about average. When I think about the pills, powders, alcohol I have consumed it is a wonder my poor brain was able to live through that chemical bombardment let alone heal. ( let alone my poor old liver! ) Even now I am still prone to some depression and vivid dreams or " using dreams " as they are known....I,ve actually woken up convinced I,m in the middle of a pub, martini in hand!. My friend had "having a hit " dreams for over a decade where she,d wake up in her kitchen (sleep walking ) with a spoon on her counter and the gas ring on!. with two young children in the house as you can imagine she was quite shaken by these episodes!. Anyway, congratulations this far, and don,t worry the things you are experiencing are quite normal. Knowledge is power and I think you,ll find if you look into the PAWS syndrome you will be reasured that if you stick with it all will be well. Best Wishes,, x

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to moonbeam4

I'm definitely going to check out this PAWS. About a week ago, I was freakin' out cause my cognitive function was becoming worse, not improving and it's still worsening.

I haven't actually said it, but I'm getting a bit depressed of late, and I know that's dangerous cause my thoughts turn straight to a quick blot-out... And in this case, knowledge 'is' power, and knowing that it's all part of withdrawal and 'will' end, helps to cope.

So, when I read your comment, I totally relate. I appreciate you taking the time to write this long reply :-)

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davianne
davianne
in reply to Jalanutan

HiJalanutan ,

Don't even think about a drink to help with depression.......... alcohol is a depressant. Just keep positive thoughts, and congratulate yourself on your success to date. You WILL get there, so just keep the faith.

Your doing great👍👍👍

David

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to davianne

Thanks for the thumbs up brother. Yeah, keep the faith...

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auntiesally

Keep going please

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Jalanutan

Really appreciate your concern and I'm still on the wagon, so I'll post soon. I had heaps to organise re today's hip surgery, and apparently it went ok.

So, rather than stare at the stark white hospital ceiling :-( I may do a 'Day 39'.

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auntiesally

Hi, how you feeling today? I know friends who have had a hip op, and a day 39 at the same time! Think about the hip!

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Jalanutan

Very witty, but Isn't that hip-hop :-) But yes, I'm up-beat re the op, though it's day 40 and I'm real-time beat...a 'Massive Attack' of physiotherapy, X-rays etc. and no-time for sus-tenance.

Ok, ok, it's not great wit, but I've just gotta crash. I was so wired and high-strung yesterday, there was just no sleep last night for your's truly. What with alarming blood pressure machines blaring, feet hammering equipment to keep the circulation flowin', sleep talkin', snorin' neighbours with over enthusiastic night nurses shinin' a light in me face asking if I'm awake....

Nevertheless, they've cleared me for home-time, 'in' for surgery yesterday morning, and 'out' tomorrow. Now that must be a record, and bar any 'issues' from the doctors, which sounds 'Korny' and a bit off track, but I should be re-covered enough to post 'the never-ending story'...

As you can hear, I'm hitting' the blues and a bit off-key, but that's how I feel right now, at this ungodly hour, waitin' for the sandman to appear, so let it be!

Jay

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auntiesally

WAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Hit the blues - better out than in, have a scream. Keep on hopping

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Jalanutan

Right on sister.....

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auntiesally

I am not going to patronise you, only you can do this, so do it, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, think of all the good things in your life x

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Jalanutan

Yes, thx Aunty, I was being sucked into the void of helplessness and despair, the good things were almost beyond reach...but I told myself that I could do it.

Now, I'm seeing the changes that WILL see a return to life n living. I'm so glad I didn't succumb and die.

It's day 43 now and it's becoming less severe... :-)

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auntiesally

Yahay!

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Ofeckman

And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry?

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Jalanutan
Jalanutan
in reply to Ofeckman

Lol , and yes, it does feel a little like that, 'cept I was starvin' way before then.

Actually, back in the day, I used to fast regularly and I did build up to a full 40 day 'n' 40 night fast. Not a true water fast mind, although I intended it to be. I drank a little can tomato juice, but that's it, water and 'Berry' tomato juice.

After the 40th night, my first solid food was an organic tomato, and it was the most flavoursome tomato I have ever eaten...

A few days after that I tried a can of Berry tomato juice, and I couldn't finish it, way too salty. And to this day, 44yrs later, I don't particularly like it, but I figure that I must've needed the salt at the time...

Jay

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auntiesally

Try Prune juice

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auntiesally

Wake up and smell the coffee x

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