Still on the wagon and I'm not saying that I've won and I may never say that. I have my bad days and not so bad days. I even had a very vivid dream where I thought it was ok to have a couple of cans of rum'n'cola. At least I think it was a dream.
Overall, I'm experiencing really good physical changes; like better lung function, weight loss (hitherto approx. 5kg now) and improved liver/kidney function (no more amber colour urine) etc. Yet, I feel very weak and lethargic; plus, I'm a little worried about my cognitive abilities.
Of course, my worldview is much clearer now; actually, it's a bit of a shock. I'm a little paranoid as well as having to cope/contend with some past emotive trauma, instead of blotting it out with alcohol. Also, I'm having trouble with recall.
It's mostly to do with language, recalling words, common terms etc. I had thought I would be more articulate now, rather than finding it difficult to properly express myself. Perhaps I am, more articulate now, but didn't realise how inarticulate I was through the haze of alcoholism???
Any comments on this would be greatly appreciated...
One month down, and I'm up for #2
Ta-ta
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Jalanutan
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This is a short version. Last post failed.
Yes you will feel weak & will take time to build yourself up again. Healthy eating bit & water. Feed the liver little & often as it can't store energy the same.
I almost forgot.? That's the Pickled brain, alcohol abuse causing vitamin deficiency. B12 & B for me.
Anyways it looks articulate to me. More astute without the fog. 👍
I agree with the B vits deficiency. I have B12 injections every three mths, but have been neglecting it and will do a good quality B group sup asap, so thx for the reminder.
I generally prefer to use organic foods though, instead of sups. Yet, I'm prob very deficient now, due to the poor food choices while being inebriated/drunk to some degree, most of the time.
Ha, appreciate the thumbs up, though having the time to formulate a typed document is for me, way easier than 'thinking on your feet' while talking to someone. I believe I have a reasonable vocabulary; so, it's so frustrating and embarrassing when I know the word, whatever the connotation and fumble for an alternative to use instead.
Yes, I know this isn't unusual, though not to the degree I'm experiencing it now. Hopefully, it's only temporary.
My GP put me on B12 & B from day one specifically for the brain fog, though not his terminology.
This was after I got the yellow super juice detox drip fed in Hospital as an out patient back in December. When I met my Hep Consultant in April he said to make sure I remain on B12.
I'd recommend you check up on your B12 injection. My partner gets a 3 monthly jab for gastro issues, but the Pharmacist recons it ain't cutting it for her. I get a daily maintenance tablet.
I'm also at a loss for words in conversation at times although more a listener, thinker. I assume that the mid sentence pause is just an age thing with me now.
I must admit I “woke up” after the first glass of wine every evening. Now (10 months on) I sleep a lot earlier, but that can only be a good thing. To use a boring cliche, it’s still early days. I was still craving a drink every evening for a couple of months although the urges were weakening by then, and now they’re 99% gone.
As for the brain, I’m definitely more alert than ever. I haven’t noticed any negatives. I don’t think anything would change in 30 days.
Well done keeping away from the alcohol, you keep at it.
just as Ofekman says.
I also felt very week and tired. I ate small portions of food regularly (more than 3 meals a day, but very small for me, mainly protein and I had protein drinks with the powders and mixed with fruit. I found my sleeping then settled down also.
I’m not sure it’s brain fog but the alcohol damages your brain and it needs to be looked after now also, I also took B vitamins but only prescribed, I didn’t take anything without checking with doc first. I think of it like someone who eats high sugars and then stops suddenly, the body has to make changes to deal with it, the same with your brain. I wouldn’t worry too much but certainly put it on your list to speak to the doctor about.
With the issues that I’m sorry you had to deal with p, is it possible or something you would consider speaking to someone about?
I hear ya jazzjam, makes sense, and for me, alcohol is just the end of a long line of drug withdrawal. So, I don't doubt I've murdered a few brain cells along the way....Yet, alcohol is, in my opinion, is the most insidious drugs. It's socially acceptable, even desirable, readily available and relatively inexpensive.
I appreciate the comments from you and all on here, very encouraging. I'm not much of a socialiser and have mostly found support on interactive sites as this. I almost called AA, though wanted to give it one last push to quit b4 I did.
What you said re achievements so far is one of my main focus points when down. That, and my improved quality of life. I have a firm belief in the inherent inner strength of each person.
Just to pick up on your point about not having won yet and maybe never being able to say that, I’m ten months alco free, and it’s become the norm. I still have the odd craving, but even a glass of water kills that now. But I’ve read enough stories in the last ten months to know that the “just the one is too much” is really the case for the likes of you and me. No one like us will ever be a successful moderate drinker again. If I did have a drink tomorrow, I’d want one the next day and so on. It would only ever increase after that. You can win by keeping on with what you’re doing 🙂
Tbh coco if any of us likeminded people wanted a drink tomorrow we’d want more than a drink tomorrow, we’d want another one tomorrow , then another one tomorrow , then another one tomorrow and then.........and so on.
I know you meant drinks by using drink in the singular but I’m just trying to emphasise the awful situation I, for one, had got myself into....
Was just about to reply to your earlier comments, but will do here.
Yes, early days... I've had only one alcohol dream to the minute, though your experience reminds me of going 'cold turkey' with cigarettes. As you mentioned re alcohol, it was the same with smokes, I couldn't just cut down, it was all or nothing. And for years afterwards, I would dream of smoking.
I'd mostly dream of smoking cigs, but also cigars and even a pipe. I'd say to myself, 'What have I done, now I'll have to start from day 1 again', then I'd wake with relief, realising it was just a dream. It demonstrated the psychological affect it had on me.
Of course, the dreams slowly diminished, thankfully. And with alcohol, I'm aware of a similar psychological hold, so I work on strategies that help, like your glass of water.
Smokes I haven't quit yet. One step at a time man. Cigs, cigars & pipes. Pipe came with the flat cap & Jag upon retirement. Now sticking with hand rolled, no funky stuff mind. Tried vape. Box of gum @ the ready. Just pick the day says Doc.🙄
I used to share an office with a chap who smoked pipes 👍 I quite liked the smell even though I am an ardent non- smoker. Hard to think in those days about 40/50% of people in our office smoked!
Jag AND a flat cap hmmmph it’s alright for some! Or should that be flat cap AND Jag? Depends on your flat cap of course 😁.
Haha, ex smoker here. Your saying you did a hell of a lot of quitting before you actually did was true for me. I quit many, many times before l actually did, 19 years ago! Keep at it, it takes literally weeks to feel noticeably better, you will be amazed. 😉
Well, you know how the expression for going all in is Boots and All? I haven't always exactly been committed, so there it is, for whatever it's worth. I strive to be all in, best intentions etc. And while I prefer an ankle boot nowadays, any boot will do, in fact l love them all. 😂
Whats the story with Jalanutan? Are you Indonesian?
I have heard kicking cigs is worse than most any other hard drug, so feel free to pat yourself on the back. I still have smoking dreams, but l am always much younger then, so maybe they're actual memories. The mind is very strange and powerful.
Today I learn that Boots and All doesn't mean a kick up the bum that ends with a boot in situ... Nobody told me, and I can't imagine how I came to such an understanding but i got lucky with this place of learning to undo my past misunderstandings.... x
Yes, logical re 'all in or not so', too many variables that affect our resolve. And that's why, when we succeed it's no small feat, in my opinion.
I thought your 'handle' may have been in reference to 'kickin' the habit' lol. And you know, last night I dreamt of smoking again, twice in the same dream. Now that hasn't happened for decades and no doubt due to my current withdrawal.
Re 'Jalanutan', I'm an Aussie, but lived in Indonesia. Love 'Oranutans' (man/people of the forest). The word Jalan is one translation of 'walk', so I joined 'Jalan' and 'Utan' (walk in the forest).
It went very well apparently 😁. That’s what the very nice surgeon said afterwards. And I didn’t feel a thing - can’t think why . No rude comments - like not surprised since you’ve got no feelings Miles 😁
Ah well, here’s a hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and another hope, and....
Thank you Oldham, I hope we are, which is an extra incentive to succeed. And being on this site, letting understanding people know what I'm attempting is a strategy in itself. I'm trying everything I can think of to prevent a relapse.
Hi well done on the booze front, my husband recently diagnosed with cirrhosis and in hospital at the moment after years of heavy drinking not responding to treatment so now going on the transplant list. He also is struggling with finding the right words and decision making is slow, although seems a little better now they have stopped most of his meds, are you taking a lot of meds? I think this might be a lot to do with it. Keep strong. Amanda x
And well done to you too. Onwards and upwards as they say. You are doing so well and are an inspiration to others who are going through the same thing. I have Nash caused by meds from my Drs over the years but u do understand alcoholism and that it is an illness and that people should respect you as they would anyone else. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx
I hope you post every day you make a new discovery about how you are feeling!
It's amazing how much you have noticed in a short time.
I was told by a surgeon how hard the body works to stay the same, and anything that happens quite fast to change it a lot causes it to work very hard to get to a new normal, even when the change was for the much better, or even life-saving.
It helped me to be interested in my recovery instead of wondering if I'd jumped out of the frying pan into the fire at times!
I have monthly shots of B12 - I tried three-monthly and it wasn't enough.
It'll be good to know how you go forward! Congratulations on all you've done so far.
In its activated form of methylcobalmin it is effective immediately. In a marginally cheaper form, hydroxycobalmin, (I have this) it takes a few days for body to convert it. (Which is silly, because anyone who needs it is likely struggling to produce methyl without having to spend it on converting this form). Even so, way better than not having any. There's another form, cyanocobalmin, the least beneficial.
Thx 4 the suggestion, but while I do intend to post every so often, I'd rather not post too often or too long a text. If I fail this time I'd feel like a jerk, even though I'm aware that relapse is a part of recovery.
Nevertheless, in the interests of others battling with alcoholism, I may briefly list the many positive changes I have hitherto seen. I actually keep a journal so I don't forget my experience, since memories can fade.
I like your metaphor of the fire, cause I have felt similarly of late. It's only previous experience, logic and the many comments on here, including yours, that I keep in mind the 'fire' will soon cool... On the negative, I've been thinking that my age might presume a full recovery!!!
Thx for those deeper insights into withdrawal too! I guess, when the body accepts a new 'normal', it wants to stay there and bucks positive change.
Well done on the 1 month booze free. I have been without for over 3 years now, and although I feel a lot better, I do get times when my mind wanders of into nowhere land, and i don't think it's just an age thing. I am going to try B12 to see if it helps. I found giving up booze easy, because for me it was just habit, not addiction. Now you've got 1 month under your belt, you don't want to lose all that effort you've put in, so keep up the good work.
Hi there. Just about everything you have described from the vivid dreams to trouble with recall, the weakness and fatigue, language issues ect seem to fit well with something known as PAWS or to use the correct title Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Check it out online, but basically as you know when we drink or take drugs we alter the chemicals in our brains and when we stop it takes time for things to return to normal. From what I understand PAWS onset time varies enormously from one person to the next but 7 to 14 days after quitting seems to be about the average. The symtoms descibed are not constant they ebb and flow for most folk with days of feeling very good mixed in. This aspect of PAWS was really frustrating for me as often after a few great days I began to think I was " over the worst " only to have a sleepless night and crashing back to reality. For me the "worst of it " lasted around 6 months and I,ve read that 4 to 11 months is about average. When I think about the pills, powders, alcohol I have consumed it is a wonder my poor brain was able to live through that chemical bombardment let alone heal. ( let alone my poor old liver! ) Even now I am still prone to some depression and vivid dreams or " using dreams " as they are known....I,ve actually woken up convinced I,m in the middle of a pub, martini in hand!. My friend had "having a hit " dreams for over a decade where she,d wake up in her kitchen (sleep walking ) with a spoon on her counter and the gas ring on!. with two young children in the house as you can imagine she was quite shaken by these episodes!. Anyway, congratulations this far, and don,t worry the things you are experiencing are quite normal. Knowledge is power and I think you,ll find if you look into the PAWS syndrome you will be reasured that if you stick with it all will be well. Best Wishes,, x
I'm definitely going to check out this PAWS. About a week ago, I was freakin' out cause my cognitive function was becoming worse, not improving and it's still worsening.
I haven't actually said it, but I'm getting a bit depressed of late, and I know that's dangerous cause my thoughts turn straight to a quick blot-out... And in this case, knowledge 'is' power, and knowing that it's all part of withdrawal and 'will' end, helps to cope.
So, when I read your comment, I totally relate. I appreciate you taking the time to write this long reply
Don't even think about a drink to help with depression.......... alcohol is a depressant. Just keep positive thoughts, and congratulate yourself on your success to date. You WILL get there, so just keep the faith.
Really appreciate your concern and I'm still on the wagon, so I'll post soon. I had heaps to organise re today's hip surgery, and apparently it went ok.
So, rather than stare at the stark white hospital ceiling I may do a 'Day 39'.
Very witty, but Isn't that hip-hop But yes, I'm up-beat re the op, though it's day 40 and I'm real-time beat...a 'Massive Attack' of physiotherapy, X-rays etc. and no-time for sus-tenance.
Ok, ok, it's not great wit, but I've just gotta crash. I was so wired and high-strung yesterday, there was just no sleep last night for your's truly. What with alarming blood pressure machines blaring, feet hammering equipment to keep the circulation flowin', sleep talkin', snorin' neighbours with over enthusiastic night nurses shinin' a light in me face asking if I'm awake....
Nevertheless, they've cleared me for home-time, 'in' for surgery yesterday morning, and 'out' tomorrow. Now that must be a record, and bar any 'issues' from the doctors, which sounds 'Korny' and a bit off track, but I should be re-covered enough to post 'the never-ending story'...
As you can hear, I'm hitting' the blues and a bit off-key, but that's how I feel right now, at this ungodly hour, waitin' for the sandman to appear, so let it be!
Yes, thx Aunty, I was being sucked into the void of helplessness and despair, the good things were almost beyond reach...but I told myself that I could do it.
Now, I'm seeing the changes that WILL see a return to life n living. I'm so glad I didn't succumb and die.
Lol , and yes, it does feel a little like that, 'cept I was starvin' way before then.
Actually, back in the day, I used to fast regularly and I did build up to a full 40 day 'n' 40 night fast. Not a true water fast mind, although I intended it to be. I drank a little can tomato juice, but that's it, water and 'Berry' tomato juice.
After the 40th night, my first solid food was an organic tomato, and it was the most flavoursome tomato I have ever eaten...
A few days after that I tried a can of Berry tomato juice, and I couldn't finish it, way too salty. And to this day, 44yrs later, I don't particularly like it, but I figure that I must've needed the salt at the time...
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I may do a 'Day 39'. 
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