Hi I have been a heavey drinker for years and back in 11th Sept 17 I stopped and still abstaining. Probably what frightened me to stop was my son's mother being diagnosed with cirrhosis finding a letter from my nearly 21 year old son saying various things about me and his mother being basically piss heads and his life was a mess, not what you want to read from a 20year old young man. The reason for this thread is I need help.
My Ex's wife has been diagnosed with cirrhosis after attending a fibroscan she was told if she drank she will be dead in 12 months. Well 6 months in she is still drinking. Her current partner is feeding her habit. My son is at his wits end and ask me to help, how can I help when ive just managed to help myself. To be honest I don't no where to start. Is there groups, people, health professionals who we could speak to for good and not patronising advice. Also my son's mother suffers from depression and panic attacks and is on medication for this, also she as now developed epilepsy brought on by drinking.
Any advice will be very much appreciated
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Andiroo
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Hi Andiroo, having had a drink problem myself, and being dry for over 20 years, I would say, Al Anon for advice for yourself and your son. I hope this helps. Al Anonymous is for families of people with drinking problems, just ordinary folks who have to deal with it on a daily basis. And, I would certainly recommend them and A. anonymous for yourself to keep you on the right track, I wouldn’t be here today without them. Please go to both and you will speak to normal people who have been, and are going through the same. I owe them my life!! 🙏🌈
Hi. I am the widow of an alcoholic who died at just 54. My children at the time were 11 and 17. It's devastating to see a parent go through it all. However 3 months before his horrific death he was dry with the help of one to one councelling at home. It was by the Mathews project in Norwich. I suggest you visit your GP on her behalf as see if there is a project like this in your area.
I'm not surprised she is suffering from depression. What alcoholics hate to admit is that alcohol is the cause of their depression and anxiety but prefer to think it helps solve all their problems. But of course it doesn't. Unfortunately while in denial and a partner who is as you say fuelling her habit it is very difficult for you and your son to break through that wall.
It seems to me she needs to be away from that relationship and in residential rehab. So maybe discuss that with your GP too if you or your son can't get through to her yourselves.
I wish you luck and hope your son gets his Mum back x
Hi, laura009. I agree with all that you say, however, with all due respect and I'm sure you'd agree, there is a big BUT. The best groups and counselling in the world cannot help unless the person actually wants to stop. To my eternal shame, years ago, I went for an app. at the addiction unit and drank 4 cans before I went in and then to the pub after ! My point is; even though the addiction unit was/ is brilliant, I wasn't " ready " to stop. Take care.
I totally agree with you. It was only 3 day before my husband died that he actually admitted to me he was an alcoholic. He was in complete denial. I knew AA wasn't going to help him. He too would have needed to drink a bottle of cider before he'd have been able to walk into a room full of strangers and say ' I'm Andy and I'm an alcoholic'. This is why after a week long stay in hospital being detoxed and treated for a 2nd bout of pancreatitis he was recommended for 1 to 1 councelling. So yes it's impossible to help those who can't or won't admit they are alcoholics.
my thoughs are with you and your son.
x
I also feel that there is insufficient support for the families of alcoholics afterall we suffer as much if not more than they do.
It's been 8 years since my husband died but our son now 25 needed bereavement councelling for the 1st time earlier this year. He still misses his dad terribly and that will never go away. We get angry with him for not being around for the big mile stones in their lives as they get older. My husbands problems are over but his kids have to live with the awful memories he created through his selfish misuse of alcohol.
It's all too cheap and readily available these days. What a rediculous idea longer pub opening hours was and 24 hours a day you can buy up the entire contents of the alcohol shelves in super markets but can only buy 1 packet of 16 paracetamol.... where's the logic?
That is such a valid point. Where are the health warnings and blanked out packaging on alcohol? " Please drink sensibly ", or whatever it says on bottles is pathetic; if I could drink sensibly I wouldn't be an alcoholic. There's no education about it for kids like there was for tobacco when I was young. Minimum Pricing only really affects the poorest and only leads, in my own experience, to a stronger addiction because you buy whatever gives the most " bang for your buck ". It's all just tinkering around the edges, in my opinion, because there's too many jobs/ votes / tax at stake to tackle it properly. Take care.
Someone somewhere in government must have sat down and done the maths and worked out that they receive more in revenue on alcohol than it costs the nhs to treat people with alcoholic related illnesses. I dread to think what it cost to keep my husband in intensive care with round the clock nursing and all the drugs and equipment required for the 16 days he was there before he died.
Hi laura009. I was told that it cost £1800/ night until I came round. A lot of money, undoubtedly, but how much tax paid in 35 years of drinking and smoking plus income tax and National Insurance contributions. Until recently I had real guilt about it, to the point where it was eating me up. I'm not so bad now, using the above rationale, but I'm not happy about it. Take care.
Take him to live with u. Try to make sure she doesn't have salt which is in most foods. She has to try so don't feel guilty just keep working on you. Tc
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