Your experiance and thoughts

Hi all, as the partner of someone with alchohol related liver desease I have been stalking this forum for a while, can i ask for your thoughts and help please, my partner knows she should not ever drink again, and without any help gave up drinking after an acute bout of alcholic hepatitis last christmas. I am so proud of her for this and the struggle i know it has been, the thing is, she needs help, but, dispite all the avenues we go down we and she, feels like no one cares really, her liver dr seems fed up with the fact that most medications disagree with her and cause some side effect rendering them useless, she has been trying for months to get some mental health issues sorted only to be left waiting or offered some computer based course meant to help !!!! meanwhile back at the ranch I am trying my best to keep us on the straight and narrow get the treatment she needs and support her anyway I can. tonight after a few days of particular stress and events on her physical and mental health she cracked and had a drink... i am distraught at where this can lead and what it can mean, is there anyonūe on here going through similar as the person careing? i would so like someone to talk to who can empathise and understand

Thanks for listening if you got this far.

7 Replies

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  • Bless you sweetheart, quite a few folk have been in your situation. Have you phoned anyone like al.anon for the careers, family and partners of alcoholics?. I believe they also have on line communities if you would find that easier. You don,t mention how old your partner is, or the extent of the liver damage, meds e.t.c. which may help people advise you. I really do understand what both of you are going through as will many others here. It is so important that you let her know that tonight was an unfortunate blip, many have done it, she must not get despondent about slipping and use it as an excuse to carry on drinking in the morning. Come back to the site for support. I take it A.A has been suggested to her already and not worked?. Most doctors think of them first. Sadly, as many here will tell you if the services including doctors suspect she is still drinking they are reluctant to offer much help. If you can say roughly where abouts you are that can aid suggestions for whom t go to for help. anne.

  • Hi redrum, I'm really sorry to hear that your partner has relapsed after a period of sobriety and completely understand your fears and concerns.

    Sadly, without the right help and support this is not uncommon with the disease of alcoholism. You say that she stopped without any help so I'm presuming she didn't attend any AA meetings or receive support from the drug/alcohol addiction services?

    I suffered with this dreadful disease myself but know that I couldn't have stopped and stayed stopped without the help and support I received as a member of AA. One of the first things I learned was that stopping is the easy part (believe it or not) staying stopped whilst coping with everything life still throws at you is the difficult part. Hence, the meetings, understanding the disease and your triggers and having the support of those who have been there before you make the journey of sobriety far easier.

    I am grateful to say that the wonderful support I received, learning about the illness and coping strategies through the 12 steps of AA has resulted in me now being sober for almost 10 years. Yes, life can still be very stressful, but one day at a time I can deal with life without alcohol which used to be my crutch.

    I continually work with newcomers, often with varying degrees of liver problems to try to help them in the way that I was helped. It doesn't always work for everyone, but I see many people recover and take control of their lives back. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking, if that's the case, as it was for me, then you have hope...both of you.

    You will read on here...sobriety is for those who want it, not those who need it. This is so true, many people, especially when showing signs of liver problems, really do need to stop drinking before it's too late, but they have to really want it.

    I know many people in AA with mental health issues, some with bipolar disorder, but they remain sober and are usually under psychiatric care also.

    Anne is a great source of info re liver disease and there are many more people on here who I'm sure will be able to offer you valuable advice.

    I hope for both of you that your partner receives the help she needs and as Anne said there is also support groups for family affected by this dreadful illness.

    Have hope, thinking of you. Jacqui

  • Well said and we'll read. Stoping is easy..it's the staying stopped that counts. I am also a grateful recovering alcoholic who has been given the gift of life through liver donation.

    Alas, this new liver is not working out either. I am due back in December for another transplant assessment.

    If she does not want to get sober, she won't.

    But there is Alanon. There is an app that's free called Steps Away.

    It will direct you to Alanon and your partner to AA.

    Good luck.

    And cheering you on!

  • I couldn't agree with you more Kimberly, it is the staying stopped that counts, we still have to face the many challenges life throws our way but we never need to drink again.

    I'm so sorry to read that you have been so unwell and that your new liver is not working out....that is so unlucky.

    You're a strong lady and I sincerely hope that you will receive another precious liver very soon.

    Sending you positive, healing hugs and prayers 🙏🏻

    Take care,

    Jacqui

  • Hi Redrum , so sorry Hun , first off I can sooo relate to your wife bless her , she has done so well , like myself I have mental health issues but on medication . I have had CBT therapy in the past but I am now on the waiting list yet again in that so called computer that takes forever to send you your first letter . I have liver disease. 8 years now . I have had two relapses I that time , the longest being a year long dur to my dad passing away , I knew no other way of coping to I turned to my old " friend " alcohol . It was only a year or so later that I had caused the return of my ascites in 2014 .not touched a drop since and don't intend to . I have a support worker from Aquarius now and then when she decides to see me , I am having trouble with my doctor too , asking him about milk thistle and asking him to refer me back to the hospital to we a hepetologist , have hsd no scan done for 2 years now and it's not on . I feel like I will have to be knocking on heavens door before I am taken serous , I don't do AA , But that's my choice , I do know they offer a great support network which I think is just what your wife needs at this moment In time , like all alcoholics well me anyway , I drink on my emotions , and If it's bad news my only way is alcohol . Fingers crossed so far I have learnt that this is not the answer . But your wife is it not the first or last they will succumb to a one off blip so to say , start again tomorrow , I really hope you both find help soon , please keep us posted .. My best wishes to you both .. Regards Linda .. 😊

  • Ok,if she started drinking again chances are she will be right back to where she started except this time she might get alchoholic cirrhosis.I know this because it happened to me and I almost died.I stopped on my own in 2007 and have not drank since.I decided that I want to live.Please get her some help to stop.

  • Hi redrum anyone would have a drink after what you've both been through!

    Rather than AA have you thought about going to Relate for some time for you? They have a waiting list but can normally get more priority cases in early. I expect your wife would

    There have been no medical trials but looking out how an alkali diet may help. Some GPs specialise in diet, hope you can find someone to guide you. Best of luck xxx

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